MIL Update- Dreading Thanksgiving but trying to maintain a Christian outlook?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:  wow, this is hard.

May I ask a few questions?

Is your MIL a christian? Is your DH?

Post # 4
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

In all honesty it’s something your husband has the control to stop and he is choosing not to.  He told her to stop calling him and she did.  Now it’s time for him to tell her to stop it all or he will cut off some or all contact for at least a short period of time.

You need to discuss with your husband what you agree to do as a couple if she can’t behave at Thanksgiving.  I personally recommend agreeing to go into the holiday with a positive frame of mind, give her a verbal warning if she says anything inappropriate, then leave the home immediately if she persists.  Your MIL needs tough to understand that her behavior and commentary are not going to be tolerated.

P.S. If she can’t behave at Thanksgiving, then you and your husband need to make alternate plans for Christmas.

Post # 5
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Is your DH opposed to you not going with him to Thanksgiving ? Can you go to your family Thanksgiving instead? Usually I say just to suck it up, but she sounds absolutely horrid. 

Post # 7
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:  No person should have to dread a family gathering or be ready for a battle at the dinner table, I would talk to my husband and tell him that I would rather have a private holiday at home or with other people that can conduct themselves like adults.  If he wants to stop by for a piece of pie after, or go shopping with his mother, that’s fine, but you certainly are allowed to enforce boundaries that protect you from her venom.

Post # 8
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:  Then my advice would be this.

1) Pray. Pray with your husband, pray alone. Prayer is very powerfull, God surprises us in so many ways! 

2) Talk to your husband. I believe he should take the lead on this one. He is the head of the household, and is his mother’s son, so yeah.

3) Don’t give up, keep up the good race. It is hard, sometimes our closest ones hurt us the most. But don’t give up. Keep showing love and mercy.

 

Post # 10
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee

@beachbride1216:  +1

Everything beachbride said. This is something your husband is going to have to take control of and handle. You’re MIL needs to understand, from him, the he chooses you over her and this behavior is unacceptable. But it really has to come from him.

If she insists on acting this way, then the both of you have to follow through, and like beachbride said, make other plans for future holidays, etc. 

Post # 11
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:  Oooooooh boy, thats just a stinker of a situation….it sounds like you kind of need to go.  If it was me I would have a mental list of things and people I know I could talk about and to without any drama, I would have an exit strategy in case your MIL decides to go angry rhino after you all sit down to dinner and finally, make sure your husband runs interference with his mother…this is really THEIR problem, but you’re a likely target for her control issues…so he’s got to be the one to straighten her out.

It’ll all work out, and don’t let it upset you, its not really about you, at all.

Post # 12
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:  The Bible does say to pray for our enemies, those who despitefully use us.

It also says to in Proverbs 25:21-22_If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat. If they are thirsty, give them water to drink. You will heap burning coals of shame on their heads, and the LORD will reward you.

If she tries to start an argument, I would walk away and let your DH know. If she makes snide comments, just smile and nod.

Don’t give her the satisfaction of a reaction. Keep cool and calm.

Post # 13
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:  If your MIL is rejecting you, being actively hostile to you and actively trying to sabotage your marriage, you should both avoid seeing her until she stops. Tolerating the behavior tells her it’s okay.

If your husband is unwilling to do this, send him off to see his parents alone. 

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