(Closed) MIL vent

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hey! Sorry – that totally sucks! I don’t really have any suggestions other than to try and have your husband deal with his mom as much as possible. Hang in there!

Post # 4
Member
1777 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Hugs!  She sounds like a very unhappy person.  I would continue to be polite, but boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! Like about the home decor: “i like how you have decorated your home in a way that reflects you. That has inspired FH and I to decorate our home in a way that reflects us.” end of conversation. Or when she’s pushing you to come in, “Gosh, I would love to see your friends, but with this morning sickness happening all the time, I would hate to embarass you by vomiting on such nice people.”

Post # 6
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Ugh, so sorry!!  I agree with guitargirl – boundaries!  Hopefully, once she realizes that she isn’t able to pressure/bully you into doing what she wants you to do, she’ll stop trying (or at least decrease the craziness).  Keep sticking to your guns and have hubby talk to her if necessary.

Post # 7
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@guitargirl: haha I love the “vomiting on nice people” line! This post sounds like it could be my FMIL (except for the cross thing….yikes)

Post # 8
Member
5824 posts
Bee Keeper

If you’ve tried all that, then I would say just limit your exposure.  Avoid her so you have to deal with her less?  Is moving to another country an option??  LOL

Post # 9
Member
487 posts
Helper bee

@guitargirl:Haha

This is rough though, has DH discussed any boundaries with her? I am sure that you have thought about it already but if she doesn’t respect you now, she isn’t going to respect your authority when you have children.  This needs to be fixed now before your child is born and she steps over boundary lines then.  

Post # 10
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I just grabbed the book “Toxic In-Laws” from the library yesterday, and the author describes this kind of mother-in-law exactly in it. I’m not all the way through, so I don’t know how super practical her advice is, but this book is a classic.

See if you can grab it from the library. I have a good feeling about it helping me with my MIL.

Post # 12
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

She seems like such a sweetheart that MIL of yours!!!! Tongue out

Post # 13
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

Limit what you tell her, that way she can’t really give input on things she doesn’t know is going on.  How did she know your neice was coming over?

When she brings up the name thing, you could either tell her that this is not up for discussion.  Or you could completely change the subject.  “STL, it’s really time for you to change your last name.  How about I take you to the SS office?”  “Grown Ups was such a hilarious movie!!  Have you had the chance to see it?  If not you should.  I just love Adam Sandler.”

But seriously, your DH needs to set up some boundaries.  And yes, Toxic In Laws is a wonderful book.

Post # 14
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Ugh, she sounds like a trainwreck. Your husband needs to work on some boundaries with her–she needs to know, right then and there, that XY and Z are NOT acceptable. Keep drilling her with it. It’ll get worse when you have that baby!

Or, you could just talk down to her a little bit. When she says it’s time to change your name or put something up on the wall, tell her, “how many times are we going to discuss this? Or have you forgotteN?” lol. I would just talk to her like, “really?…..” when she brought up things multiple times. Maybe she’ll stop. I know I stop talking to people when they indirectly treat me like i’m an idiot =-]

Post # 15
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Private home

Hey, a sword is perfectly acceptable home decor! (we have three, all historic replicas that hubby collects)  But UGH!!!! I don’t even know where to start except to say that I’m so sorry you have to deal with this AND being pregnant!  Boundaries are a good place to start, but failing that, form a MIL SWAT team to keep her away from you!

Post # 16
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Awww, I’m sorry.  But I did get a kick out of some of the things… like the crucifix and the sword!  Sucks though, hopefully she’ll tone it down over time.

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