Post # 1
Last night my fiance and I were putting together our invitations when my FMIL called to request that half a dozen of her friends be added to the guest list. It may not sound like a lot but my fiance and I are trying to have a wedding of only 75 people. I have had to sacrifice inviting many of my own friends in order to acheive the small party we have and now my fiance’s parents want to add more. After much discussion my fiance and I gave in, however I’m worried that this is just the start. She emailed me saying that she is glad to have her friends at our wedding, but all I can think is “what about my friends?” I ususally get along with my FMIL quite well but her constant suggestions are driving me crazy and now that she is adding people to our guest list i’m worried that our relationship is going to become strained. How do I tell her that I need her to back off and that our guest list is now set in stone?
This topic was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by HammerBride.
Post # 2
Is she helping pay for the wedding? if so she should get some leeway, but if not I would just stick to my guns and to my guest list.
Post # 3
“Hey FMIL. Attached is the final guest list. We have all the addresses we need so everyting is now finalized!”
If she responds with more names tell her that the list is already finalized. Also, having just 6 guests from your fmil is really low, even for only 74 guests and especially if they are helping you pay.
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
HammerBride: I echo what everyone else has said – are Future In Laws helping you pay for the wedding?
Any telling her to back off needs to come from your FI if it comes to that point.
Post # 5
If you guys are the ones paying for everything then a way around this would be to tell her as you are already stressed for money it’s not feasible. Another thing you could ask is that if she helps pay for some stuff (decorations, food, whatevery you decide) then the more the merrier but you can’t afford stuff for everyone.
Post # 6
Just to add some clarification. My FMIL is not helping us pay for the wedding. Also, our original guest list of 75 people does include some of her friends. My fiance and I specifically asked if we should invite the 6 new people 8 months ago and she told us that we did not need to invite them. I understand that she just changed her mind, but it is still frustrating and I really just worry she’ll want to add more people.
Post # 7
HammerBride: Then draw the line – tell her your (as in YOUR) guest list has been finalized. No apologies, just tell her firmly.
Post # 8
HammerBride: I say go back to your Fi and tell him you changed your mind about your MILs’s friends. THIS IS NOT HER WEDDING!!! Honestly I don’t understand AT ALL why parents do this to their childrens weddings. If you were to invite more peope IT HA TO BE YOUR FRIeNDS….period.
Your MIL should have a vow renewal and invite all the friends she wants if she wants to party with them.
Set your foot down girl…this is YOUR wedding…and don’t worry about looking like bridezilla….you wont …and even if you do (you wont) it’s your wallet that will suffer for people that don’t really care or know you…..
So call your MIL up and tell her sorry you cant. Have her invite them to the shower if you want to soften the blow… (but make sure she invites them and you don’t ..) or even better have your mom host a party at her house for herself…and let her pay for their food….tell her to go out on a girls night and host her own friends…..
I am a firm believe that the only people who get to invite people to a wedding is the BRIDE and GROOM …no matter who pays for the wedding….
Post # 9
Do not give in! Explain that you couldnt even invite all of your own friends, and you want your wedding to be an intimate day with people that know and love you and your husband. Strangers faces at a small wedding are unwelcome.