(Closed) MIL wants the wedding called off?!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It bothers me that he talks to his family about EVERYTHING.  It is none of their buisness.  I don’t know why he feels the need to drag his family into YOUR personal life.  

It also irks me that they all seem to be so twofaced.  I’ve never been faced with this situation though, so I don’t have any advice to offer.  What do YOU think you should do?

Post # 4
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

First, I’m sorry to hear you are going through all this especially so close to the wedding! There seems to be something missing from this story. It’s kind of mind boggling that they would flip on you like this over taking a couple of days break from your FI after he kissed another person. Are you sure there isn’t an underlying issue that the FI is missing or not telling you about?

When I first began dating my FI, my FMIL disliked me due to the fact I was long distance, and she was worried my FI would move away from their tight knit family circle to be with me. Over time, we got through this, and I’m closer to her now than my own mother. I say give it time. If it’s something small as this, you guys can work it out. In the meantime, have the FI speak to his family to try to sort things out. Good luck!

Edit: OP, I re-read your post. I skipped over the FI telling the family everything. Oops. Hmmm, in this case I’d like to add that you should have a talk with the FI on what is supposed to remain with you two and what is supposed to be shared with others. 
 

Post # 5
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ViaMinorViator:  I agree! I was worried my FI would be like this because before I came around he was quite the momma’s boy.  But he has been very respectful of our privacy.

Have you spoken to your FI about this?  I mean like really sat down and talked it all out.  Did he respond to the message? How does he feel about how they are acting? 

Those answers would factor a lot into how i feel about the situation.

Post # 6
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

it sounds like his family is using this as an excuse to bring up other concerns.  you two should make a counseling appointment, but one of the things you need to discuss is how you deal with him sharing info with his family about your relationship.

what do you want?

 

 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

To be honest I think I’d be more worried about your FI sharing such private details of your relationship with all his relatives! How can you feel like you two are a team, separate from his family, otherwise? It doesn’t really matter who supports your marriage (although obviously we’d always like everyone to support us), what matters is that you two have each other’s back, ALWAYS. Even if your MIL and others were suddenly saying they weren’t sure about the marriage, you want your FI to be ignoring them and happy to marry you, and it’s not clear that you are getting that message from him? To be questioning things so close to the wedding is an awful feeling. Regardless of his family’s opinions, does HE want to marry you? Is he willing to put in the effort to have a good marriage, including by following through on promises, especially considering you have had some trust issues come up recently. Is he also willing to stop sharing everything with them, unless you have agreed he can? Those are the serious questions I’d be asking him now, trying to forget about the wedding itself and focus on your relationship instead. Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

First I’m sorry that your going through this…

I went through something like this also…. after moving thousands of miles for him I found out 3 months later that he was cheating on me (like yours not fully blown but a kiss is a kiss!!)  anyways we stayed together too… Like you he told his family and espcially his mother EVERYTHING – I used to joke that she probably knew what color underwear he would be wearing each day!!! 

He met my family (who live abroad) and told them he wanted to marry me – when he came back and told his mother it all errupted – before I knew it he and I were NO more…..

In hindsight, I’m glad that it did not work out for us – because the whole relatiohsip and his family felt like I was living in a reality show!!  There is a line in a movie called “The Diary of a Mad Black woman” which goes something like “I’m glad that I was with……. because if I hadn’t been with him I would never have known the difference between a bad relationship and a good one! 

I now have an AMAZING relationship…   The truth is only YOU can decide what you will accept and tolarate within a relationship… Good Luck xx

Post # 10
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You know what, I wouldn’t have that talk with your FMIL. Your issues with your FI are between the two of you. Every relationship has them. It is NONE of their business and by encouraging an open dialogue, it sets a precedent with her that her getting involved and expressing her opinion is OK.

You and your FI need to set boundaries with his family.

And clearly, whatever you tell them, they seem to share with each other.

It concerns me that she would go with a low-blow of accusing you of trying to get pregnant to stay with him. And then she texts you and wants to be all friendly? Um, no. I wouldn’t trust her.

Post # 11
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Good Luck and Im sorry you have to go through this, this really suck and hurts big time.  That being said it is probably best to distance yourself from his family.  Talk to your FI about it, tell him that you are having a hard time with it, that he can go to family functions but for now you want to stay clear, protect yourself b/c it does hurt.

I had this come up with some of FIs family, I was hurt so so bad by his grandmother and aunt.  I talk to FI about it, he was hurt and frustrated by his families actions too and understood and supported me.  Time will help, but you may want to just stay away from his family for now. I would not have that talk either, I think you just need time away

Post # 14
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I guess you got married, but I say screw um. You married him, not them. from your posts, you appear to have the right mindset about things. Now you just have to learn not to care what they say or think or whether they like you. Be polite, smile, and all that, but you don’t have to be friends. And he needs to make sure he keeps your business to himself. He is damaging relationships by telling everything to everybody.

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