- 9 years ago
- Wedding: June 2009
My MIL and I have been on shaky ground since we first met 3 years ago. When we first met, she insisted that I call her by her first name. At that time, I had never called an adult by their first name, so it was uncomfortable and I called her "Ms. X" for a few weeks before she had a blowout and became very upset over my lack of respect.
Over the last few years, there have been various blowups … we’ve never communicated well and my now-husband has always tried to step in to help mend the relationship. She’s a single mom and he’s her oldest, so they have a very strong bond.
She’s a very controlling person and bound by protocol and convention. I fly by the seat of my pants and do what feels right.
At our wedding on Saturday, she went absolutely berzerk. Instead of wearing the dress that she HERSELF had chosen just months ago, she changed last minute into an all black outfit and hat (as if she were going to a funeral). Fine. Then apparently, when I was about to walk down the aisle, she shouted at people to stand up. During the ceremony, my 94 y/o grandma (whom I did not expect to attend since she’s infirm) started speaking loudly and singing along — MIL glared at her over all our guests and mouthed something foul that I can’t bring myself to repeat.
During photos, she continued on her tirade… and finally erupted when she grabbed my 4 y/o niece by the wrist and scolded her for playing on the grass. I’m told that my niece is pretty level headed and is not a crier, unless she is traumatized. My niece erupted into tears and could not be calmed – my cousin came to hold her and learned about what my MIL had done. MIL then insulted my cousin and claimed that she knew everythnig about child rearing because she’s a school teacher (she’s a special ed aid) and that’s how she disciplines children at school. My cousin held her tongue and walked out of the wedding in tears – another family attempted to walk out as well.
The morning following our wedding, she picked us up from our hotel to take us to a family brunch. Did not bother to acknowledge me and forced my new husband to sit passenger (instead of with me) because "I’m not your damn chauffeur" It’s just one thing after another.
She is now dragging our friends into this by telling them "her" side of the story and all the crap she has with me. Because they say it takes two to tango. You don’t tango with a 94 year old OR a 4 year old. I did my best to be pleasant with her and hugged her as often as I could durnig the wedding (she couldn’t even muster a pat on the back).
I’m so hurt by all of this .. my family has not said a pleasant thing about the wedding and is more or less trying to forget about it entirely because of how things panned out. The only comments I’ve received have been "good luck with her". The only good to come out of this is that I wasn’t fully aware of what was going on during the wedding — it was just revealed to me yesterday. So I had a good time and I’m sure the pictures came out great.
Can anyone relate? I can’t believe this happened. My MIL missed her only opportunity to see her child get married and made herself an enemy to her new family. She was humiliating and dreadfully wretched. Husband will continue to have minimal contact with her, but believes that she and I should keep our distance for now. I’m sick to my stomach.