Post # 1
We have not asked her for a dime nor has she offered until we got deep into planning and remembered the rehearsal dinner. My fiance asked her if she could spare $400 to put towards the rehearsal dinner since traditionally it is her “duty.” Since she is a vegetarian, she said that is all she would serve and that people can deal with eating a vegetarian meal for an evening. My fiance and I disagreed, respectfully of course, and said that my family and I have done nothing but accomodated your beliefs of being a vegetarian with no hesitation. My fiance and I both felt that she could show the same gratitude in return without trying to force her beliefs on everyone. I feel like it is a power struggle for her because she stated during the conversation “Everyone who is paying for something in the wedding gets what they want, well now I am paying for something and it will be done how I want it.”
We decided to throw our own rehearsal dinner because she would not back down. It honestly really upsets me. Am I being selfish? I just wonder how this looks for an outside perspective. Thankfully, my fiance is very supportive 🙂
Also, this is a destination wedding in Florida where everyone is traveling. I just feel bad feeding them veggies and tofu LOL I feel like they traveled far and they should have a good meal!
Post # 3
She who has the gold, makes the rules. If you wanted her to host, then you would have to live with her rules.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I don’t think you have any reason to be mad. She told you she would make the rehearsal dinner happen, it just wasn’t what you wanted. So you are hosting it yourselves. All good and well.
Post # 5
I think it’s BS of her. If someone is wanting to host a party for other people, then you accommodate THEIR appetites, not your own.
I don’t understand why she can’t just have a vegetarian option for those who choose it, and let others eat what they want.
Post # 6
She probably doesn’t want to spend money supporting the meat industry. I can understand that, but if I was her I would just give you some money towards the wedding as a compromise.
Post # 7
If she pays for it, her rules. Just like you’re paying for it so you can play by your rules.
You don’t really have any reason to be upset with her. She’d be paying for it and her money should be spent the way she chooses, not you. If she told you that she needed the dinner to be vegan, you’d look at her and say, “I’m paying for it so if I want meat on a stick, I’ll get it.” The same is true in the reverse.
Post # 8
@sara5ann: I think it’s rediculous when people force their beliefs on others. It’s your wedding! Sounds like you’re better off hosting it yourself anyway! You’re not being selfish, she is. I wouldn’t want any part of my wedding (rehearsal included) to be dictated in such a way either!
Post # 9
@sara5ann: I think either is ok. I wouldn’t mind vegetarian if I didn’t have to do a lick of planning or organizing for the rehearsal dinner.
Since you disagree, I would say that throwing your own rehearsal dinner is proper. Her way or the highway… And you choose the highway. If that makes sense.
I do think that MIL is being silly, insisting that her dinner be vegetarian. But whatever. I can see why that would annoy you. It’s nice if the parents participate in these things, if only for you to feel the support. You know? She is putting her beliefs ahead of that, so… Yeah. I can why that would bother you.
Post # 10
Short answer? No.
If she is a vegetarian, it is uneasonable to expect her to host a meal that includes meat. No one would die from one meatless meal.
Hostesses are not expected to cater to their guests’ appetites when it violates their own belief system.
Your family accomodating her beliefs as a vegetarian is no big deal. I’ll bet they never once served something they were ethically opposed to eating.
Post # 11
I guess I just don’t understand the problem? What is the big deal about eating vegetarian for one night? It’s not going against your beliefs to not have meat, but it goes against hers to pay for all of you to have it.
Post # 12
I have to agree with prior posters. It’s her money, and, if she has a moral objection to the idea of eating meat, she should not have to pay for others to do something that violates her own conscience.
Post # 13
The hostess makes the rules so no, I don’t think you are “entitled” to be mad about it.
Post # 14
@sara5ann: I am a vegetarian and I think she is wrong. It’s a gift/event for the couple- not just her.
Post # 15
No, it’s not unreasonable for her to make that rule.
Post # 16
No, I don’t think you have a right to be mad. It’s her money, so she doesn’t have to support the meat industry if she doesn’t want to. If you can’t stand the thought of your guests not being able to eat meat for one meal out of the day, then pay for it yourselves. Yes traditionally the groom’s side pays for the rehearsal dinner. But she doesn’t have to. I think it’s very generous of her.