- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
I don’t know if I’m in the wrong…I may be, who knows. My FMIL is driving me crazy. I wouldn’t quite call my fiancé a mama’s boy, but she’s definitely what a typical “mama” would be in that sort of relationship. She’s incredibly, incredibly dependent on him and has flat out RESTRICTED us from moving out of state. She pries about everything, and calls him up to 5 times a day. If he doesn’t answer, she will leave a 3-5 minute voicemail, and then call back within 15 minutes and repeat the cycle again if he doesn’t answer. If he calls her to ask a question or advice on something, she will turn a conversation that should take 5 minutes into 45 minutes of her talking and talking. Even when he says he needs to get off the phone, she keeps talking. Refusing to end the call. (and if he asks her a question, she will literally call multiple times after that to follow up and essentially hold his hand through the process) It’s even worse in person. When we go visit her, she is literally clinging onto him to keep him from leaving her. She expects us to come out every weekend to visit her, and he always feels obligated. Because I work on weekdays, the only time I have to recoup are the weekends, and I just dont want to spend every weekend at her house. That, and the last time I was able to visit my parents was well over a month ago and we only live 1hr from them. She makes him feel guilty if he doesn’t visit her, and she basically needs him to do everything possible for her. And the closer that we get to our wedding, the more possessive of him she gets.
I don’t have a bad relationship with her, but there is definitely some competition brewing between she and I. I’ve been trying to explain it to my fiance because it’s causing issues between me and him, but he doesn’t see it because he defends her to no end. It’s becoming a real problem for me because I try to have him set boundaries, but he doesn’t think they need to be set. One time, she made a backhanded compliment to me, “You know, I don’t really think there’s anyone good enough for my son, but if I had to choose someone, I guess I’m happy he picked you.” And when it’s the three of us, she does these things to make me feel excluded. Another example of that, we went out to Chili’s and they have that 2 for $20 thing, and right as we picked up the menus, she turns to my fiance and says “we’re doing the 2 for $20, she can figure out her own thing” and looked up at me and did one of those catty smiles. She’s not deliberately mean to me or anything, but I think the fact that I’m about to marry her son is making her catty to me. AND the fact I keep telling her I don’t want kids until I’m 30…and she feels so compelled to say I have two years max, and I better get started the night of our wedding. She keeps imposing and telling me how I should do my wedding and she buys things without asking saying I’ll need it. Even after telling her not to because our venue actually supplies a lot of the decor AND she literally has no money. But she still does it and I feel obligated to use it. I have to constantly ask my fiance to stand up for me, and he only does it because it gets so bad that it results in a fight. He says he doesn’t see it, but I just think he’s used to her 5 calls a day 7x a week, prying, nosy self. Is anyone else suffering from overbearing, catty MILs? I just can’t stand the lack of boundaries and a fiance who has to be begged in order to set them.