MIL won't follow safety precautions with babies

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You are most definitely not crazy and I am sitting here angry for you that she can’t just abide by your simple requests.  Is it possible that she truly doesn’t understand why what she is doing is so dangerous? Could you find some sort of resource to educate her about the dangers?  Normally I would just say to not let her take care of the babies but given that she lives with you you need to be able to trust that she won’t put them in dangerous situations. 

It seems like a lot of grandmothers forget what it’s like to have a newborn(s!)- like who cares if her feelings are hurt in this situation, you should not have to delicately request over and over that she not put your children in harm’s way.  Also she shoudl cut you some slack given that fact that I am sure you are overtired and just generally dealing with all the postpartum stuff that I’m sure makes it hard to mince words.

As far as immediate action, it seems like you should just not let her be alone with the babies.  She can help you with one but it should be when you are both together.  There really is no reason for her to be off with the baby alone in her own room and the cosleeper might just be complicating the situation and further encouraging her to take one of the babies off by herself so I would just take it away from her room.

 

Post # 3
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You are definitely not crazy! Stop letting her be with the babies while you are not present. Your babies’ lives are worth making her mad and upset.  If she walks into her room with one of the babies, follow her there.  Is it possible that your MIL’s mind is starting to go a bit?  Falling asleep while sitting up and holding a baby is pretty bad.  Laughing like it’s a joke when you catch her leaving the baby in a pile of blankets may be her trying to cover up that she completely forgot you told her not to.<br />

Post # 5
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

What an awful situation. Your husband should thank his lucky stars that you are willing to put up with his mother (who sounds like she is mentally challenged, as well as a wack job). Under no condition should your children be left in the care of this woman. Having said that I do think you are very wrong to be issuing orders to your husband over his infant care. If you do that it is very likely that he will decide he doesn’t want to. Is burping a baby mid-bottle worth an argument with your husband? Having raised two children i can tell you it is not. Take the control down a notch or two.

And if you can afford it, hire part time child care. Your MIL is beyond hope.

Post # 7
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

you’re not crazy and no way would I risk the babies safety just to placate your MIL. I suggest you remove all childcare responsibilities from her and if it’s financially feasible, hire someone who can come in during the day and help out. MIL can be restricted to playing with the babies and occasional diaper changes, always within sight of you or your husband.

Post # 8
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

You are not crazy! I’m sure, as a mom to very young twins, MIL’s help seems like a welcome break at times, but you are right to put your foot down if she won’t keep the babies safe.

Post # 9
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

Are your parents around that one of them can come stay with you?  Can you go there for a week or two to get some help and R&R? Can she go to one of her sibling’s houses for a little while? Sounds like maybe you just need some time away for a bit and that your DH needs to understand how exhausted you are. 

I agree with what everyone has said so far though and you really need to remove all childcare responsibilities from her.  Also explain to your DH you need to be a uniform team now because if she is not following a simple rule of no cosleeping when there is a bassinet right there what is going to happen when it comes to types of food, no sweets, tv time, bedtime in the future if she is not onboard with your parenting style?  If you give an inch she may take a mile!

 

Good luck and hugs!

 

Post # 10
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

fresitachulita:  you’re not crazy, they’re YOUR babies! I feel for you, I can’t imagine having twins at home AND living with my MIL. I would go nuts.

Is it possible for you to go stay with your folks for a while? It might be very helpful, and possibly a wake-up call to your husband. He may or may not realize this, but the fact that you are ok with his mother living with you (for free, to boot) is a HUGE sacrifice on your part. Add in to the mix that she doesn’t help out, and that she doesn’t respect you as a parent … Wow, I don’t even know what to say. Let’s throw in an exhausted, stressed out mother (of twins!!!), I would say there’s an explosion just waiting to happen. 

I think DH needs to put his foot down, 100%. Just remember, this is your house, and your family, and your rules. If she doesn’t contribute, she better smarten up. 

Ugh, I’m furious for you. If it were my DH, I would rip his head off 🙁

Post # 12
Member
6890 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Sad to say, but I wouldn’t trust her alone with the babies at all.  Do you have the money to  hire any outside help to assist during  the  busiest times of your  day?  

Frankly, I’d consider taking her to a doctor.  It sounds as if she may be starting to have some issues with normal function and awareness. For all you know there could be a  physical cause to her forgetfulness and her fatigue.  And if she’s always been like this, it could be that the language barrier has  clouded other issues, whether they are based in personality, emotional, mental or physical causes. 

Post # 13
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

WoW 🙁 it doesn’t sound like she respects you and because she already had children, she thinks she knows better than you and that’s why she repeatedly does what she wants. My mother is like this– the only thing that ever works for me is to FLIP SHIT 🙂 screaming and yelling and making sure it gets through her little head how pissed I am. Basically I scare her and then she stops her bad behavior because she’s afraid of me.

I’m not suggesting violence, but maybe you should threaten her- get a bunch of cardboard boxes and tell her: if she keeps putting your babies in danger she can’t be around the babies and has to move out!

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