- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
Not sure if this should go in parenting or marriage but since this iwouldn’t be an issue without marriage and is causing me and DH alot of arguments, I’m guessing marriage!
A little background, I am a FTM of twin boys, 2 months old. MIL lives with us, always has. It was actually a condition DH was pretty clear about from the begining, that his mother would always live with us because she’s not very self-reliant, cannot afford to be on her own and will never remarry. We’ve been married 2 years, she has her own bedroom, she doesn’t pay rent, gives us a a hundred bucks here and there when she an spare it, to help out with bills etc. Her financial situation is such that she makes minimum wage, working part-time at a factory. I would estimate she has about a 6th grade education. She’s not from this country and English is her second language…..however I find it strange that her siblings all speak near perfect english even though the’ve all lived her the same amount of years. I have come to the conflusion she is a bit lazy, and relies on her children for nearly everthing.
Moving on, the babies are here. YAY! When she offers to help feed a baby or hold a baby, she often takes the baby to her room. I’ve found her co-sleeping with the baby on several occasions, which I told her I am NOT comfortable with. I told her she can have the baby on the bed as long as she is awake and does not leave the baby unattended, even for a moment. I bought her a co-sleeper basineet thing for her room but I have still found her not using it several times. I have also found her falling asleep with the baby in her arms on the edge of the bed more than once. The biggest problem I’ve had is 3 times now, I have found that she’s left a baby on the bed, unnatended, in a pile of blankets and pillows. After the second time I became furious….and she just kept say ing “ok, Ok Ok!” and DH got angry too and she once again agreed she would use the bassinet we got her, and if she had to leave the baby to use the restroom or go downstrairs she would place him in it, or in the nursery crib, which is right next to her room.
Last night was the last straw. I heard one baby crying while I was feeding the other. I went to her room to find the baby crying in a pile of blankets and pillows and mother in law is downstairs. When she came back up I was upset and asked her why she keeps doing this, why does she continue to put our baby at risk, and telling ehr the baby can roll and be unable to breath and that babies get hurt and die like this. She just kind of giggled in an “oh you caught me” kind of mannor.
I was furious and called DH to tell him she won’t be allowed to have the babies in her room anymore. He agrees, but there has been issues hwere she’s taken offense to some of my rules with the babies, and has backed away from helping us whenever I correct her or ask her to do things a certain way (like burp the baby half way through the bottle, things like that) I guess he finds me to be very controlling, wich I dont’ agree, just simple things I’ve asked her to do, I’m not going to micromanage how she cares for teh babies, except when it comes to safetly measures.
She made comments to DH that I often come and take the baby from her because she’s not doing something right and hit hurts he feelings. But the only times Iv’e done this is when I found the baby alone on the bed in her deathtrap of pillows!
Please tell me I’m not crazy…I am NOT willing to risk my babies. How would you deal with a MIL who is very hard to get through to, does not respond to things like this the way most people would.
edit; I should add that I seriously need help around here, I’m going nuts, I am overwhelmed and exausted, It’s come as a great dissapointment that she doesn’t help out more being that we do so much for her…and that she won’t listen to our wishes.