MIL/FIL Separating…WWYD?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

MissTatas:  e) focus on giving birth to a healthy baby, and let DH deal with his parents in whatever way he’s see fit, and in turn, having the in-laws respond to this news in whatever way they see fit. Your baby needs you!!

Post # 4
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Do This. mrs-to-be-2014:  

Divorce is difficult on children no matter how old they are when parents divorce. Your husband clearly doesn’t want to be around his parents right now. So take his lead. If he changes his mind then great. If not, just know you will likely have two less people hanging out at the hospital.

Post # 5
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m sorry all this is happening. Honestly, though? Your DH needs to grow up. Children deal with divorce every day and handle it more gracefully than he is. Throwing fits and kicking them out of their grandchild’s birth (which may be the only binding thing they still have) is immature. I get that he’s upset, but wouldn’t he rather his parents be happy? Maybe they’ve already tried everything and he just didn’t know it. It’s likely he doesn’t know even half the backstory. 

I would try to lightly encourage him not to burn any bridges with this. Also, he did pick a side. He’s not talking to his father, but is still talking to his mother. 

Post # 6
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

MissTatas:  Good I’m glad to hear!! You sound like a fantastic mom already!! Good luck on the birth of your daughter!

 

 

Post # 7
Member
2273 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I say option D.  Of course it all has to do with how you & your DH deal with each other’s respective families, but in our case, we each deal with our  own sides & I would be really upset at my husband for pushing something like this behind my back (so definitely not B).  A & C should be totally up to your husband considering he has to spend the most time with them in this instance.  

Focus on having a fantastic birth & a healthy baby & hopefully everything else will fall into place 🙂

Post # 8
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

MissTatas:  Combo A, C, D and mrs-to-be-2014’s E.  Talk to him about how he will feel later about his parents not being there, when the divorce is over.  Don’t let him be shortsited about this because his emotions are running high.  If he states he still doesn’t want him to be there, C should be done, he should notify at least his mom.  It won’t help the situation for him not to do so. 

But D and E are the most important.  After talking, stay out of it completely.  His decision is his, and he needs to make his choice on how to deal with his family.  And you need to take care of yourself and the baby, not your ILs. 

Post # 9
Member
4876 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

MissTatas:  Tough love answer here : I think your DH needs to not concern himself with his parents marital issues right now. Their decision to seperate isn’t his concern. I can understand it’s upsetting, no one want to see their parents split up. However, they’re all adults and it seems pretty clear that this obviously isn’t a random decision on the part of your FIL. You DH calling his dad a coward for not trying to make it work, that’s uncalled for. Your DH does not live in his parents house and I’m sure is not privy to everything that goes on their marriage. If MIL once instigated a seperation, why is FIL now getting the brunt from your DH for not making it work?

Could the timing have been better? Sure, but we always tell brides that the world doesn’t stop for their wedding, and likewise, the world doesn’t stop for your baby. Should your FIL continue to live in a marriage where is isn’t happy because his grown son thinks he should? Of course not. I would assume that your ILs should be able to maintain a sense of decorum and maturity at the birth of your child. Prior to this your DH wanted them both there, so I honestly don’t see why it should be any different. My parents don’t like each other, and are both remarried. I know they prefer not to be around each other, but when the situation calls for it they act like the adults they are. 

I think the most important thing is that your DH concern himself with you and your baby, because the only thing you need to focus on is having a healthy baby.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  .
Post # 10
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think DH needs to mind his own business. No couple should be expected to time their separation around the needs, wants or desires of grown children.

It’s hard for me to believe that the separation was totally unexpected by MIL. You really have to have your head in the sand to not have any indication that your husband is unsatisfied or not happy in the relationship.

I suggest you treat them both like adults and stick with your original plan. If they are not able to be civil with one another, DH can ask them both to leave.

I don’t see how this has any effect on MIL being a childcare provider.

Post # 12
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

CurlyCue:  I was going to say A, but I like the first comment too. Early congratulations on your new baby!

ETA: Oftentimes people who don’t get along will completely set aside their differences at a time like this. I’ve seen it several times. Relatives who actively hate each other making good natured conversation at weddings or at the hospital. It’s the coolest phenomenon. A girl can hope, right?

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Fizzy8.
Post # 15
Member
6200 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

The only thing I would suggest is having your DH pick someone else to wait with him. Does he have a really close friend or a sibling? He’ll probably need someone there who can deal with him!

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