(Closed) Military FIs and spouses – How do you help…?

posted 8 years ago in Military
Post # 3
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I do the same things you said…soft voice and slow movements.  While my guy has had some flashbacks, I’ve noticed the worst thing is for him to get riled up while in the car.  I absolutely do not make quick movements or shout out while he’s driving.  And i’ve learned that going “Oh Shiz” in a loud and scared voice will send him into a tizzy. 

When the hubby first got back from Iraq he had a lot of angry outbursts (never directed at me).  The littlest things would set him off…computer freezing up, water not heating up quick enough, not having his weapon around him, etc…basically anything & everything.  I just let him vent knowing that he was going through a seriously hard transition.  After a few months, the outbursts occurred less often.  I just think as long as the guys are talking to somebody about their experiences, then it’s good.  Thankfully my guy recognized that he needed to talk and get help right away.  The made a HUGE difference on the transition.

Post # 5
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have no tips for you, other than I respect you ladies endlessly.  Your FI’s and husbands have the most difficult jobs out there and being a military wife is a job in itself.

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’d look into getting him treated for PTSD. My guy never had any flashbacks or weird things, but came back with a little bit of depression. He essentially “lost” 15 months of his life and sometimes he realizes just how much he missed. But, he’s been back for over a year. Definitely seek some help beyond just talking to a few people. There may be an underlying issue.

Post # 7
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I think you are doing the right thing – but if it hasn’t resolved within a year after deployment, he should seek counseling for PTSD. 

Post # 8
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I just try to keep myself calm.  If I freak out, he freaks out even more.  I just let him calm down, and if he wants a hug, I’ll give him one (mostly he doesn’t want to be touched).  As for the driving…We live in an area where there are massive potholes…and they never get fixed.  I learned very quickly not to let him drive.  We’ve been dealing with his PTSD since Jan 2008, so we’ve pretty much got it down (except actually getting him to sleep…that’s the hard part).  But basically, what you’re doing is the right thing to do.  Don’t push anything on him – he’ll talk if he wants (and chances are, he won’t want to talk)

Post # 9
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

FI served in South Korea, I agree with everyone else in speaking in soft tones and just waiting it out.  I had only been with FI a few weeks when I experienced a flashback with him for the first time and it scared the heck out of me.  I wish there was something I could say or do to bring him out of it, but I just have to wait it out and see if he wants to talk about it later, but he doesn’t usually want to talk about them.  The worst part is having to sit there with him while he is re-living everything he went through and not being able to do anything to make it better. 

Post # 10
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I too wanted to suggest that he be treated for p.t.s.d. Maybe he has a collegue who could lend an understanding ear. I’m sure there are support groups on base and if he’s no longer under contract there will be a support group of some sort around.

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