Post # 1
My FI and I are in a prediciment. We found out shortly before we got engaged that my FI who is in the military would be deploying overseas in the fall. At the time it wasn’t too concerning since we both agreed that we wanted a summer wedding, which would give us a couple of months together as a married couple, and we would have time to get everything situated on the military side. We planned the wedding, set the date, vendors have been paid, invites made, and literally hours after I mailed the invites my FI called me with terrible news. His deployment has been moved up so that he will be deploying four weeks after our wedding, AND as soon as he gets back from our wedding he is leaving for a 28 day training course. So basically, we only get to spend four days together as a married couple.
The biggest issue is that because of all of this we will not be able to get our marriage certificate in time to fill out all of the paperwork for the military, register me for everything, or get a house on post before he leaves for his training and deploys. It is beyond stressful, and after much prayer and talking to our parents we all feel like we should go ahead and legally marry at a courthouse so we can get all of the military necessities done without all of the stress before our intended wedding day.
The thing I am afraid of most, is that our guests will be thinking they are attending our wedding, when really it will be more like a wedding vow renewl, and I don’t want anyone upset with us. I’m concered about how we are going to word our vows, I don’t want our guests to realize mid vow that we have already gotten married. Our immediate family supports us, but I honestly don’t want my extended family to know, they tend to hold grudges over this kind of stuff. Our circumstances makes all of this so stressful, and I am just at a loss for what to do!
I could use some encouragement, do you think I should be concerned about this?
Post # 2
kbmith: There have been quite a few posts from military brides in similar predicaments. I say go ahead, tell only immediate family and get married as scheduled. Keep your vows the same.
Post # 3
Or you can let it spread by word of mouth. I’m sure everyone would be understanding of the predicament your in!
Post # 4
My husband deployed shortly after we got married, too. We had to hand turn in our wedding certificate so we had the original & copies immediately — Is this an option for you?<br /><br />As for getting DEERS and everything paperwork related to the military, we literally did that all in one day. We got me my ID card & signed up for Tricare within an hour of each other, then my husband just ran in and updated his stuff. As far as I can remember that’s all we had to do. Could you and your husband literally dedicate one day to doing solely that? I have no advice for the home and I wish you luck with that. We already had a home off base. Since you’ll be allowed on base, could you handle getting the house?
We got married December 9th and we later had our wedding on June 14th. Our entire family was invited (The wedding was held in our home state, whereas we are in Oklahoma & only our parents attended the Justice of the Peace ceremony) and no one said a word to us. Most of them knew, some of them didn’t — We didn’t hide the fact that we were married (I took his last nam + We had it on facebook) but we didn’t exactly put “Oh by the way, we’re already married.” on our invitations or scream it from the rooftops. My DJ asked if I wanted that announced but I didn’t think it was necessary. What I (We?) did is not uncommon… it happens a lot in military families and relationships, so I’m sure your family would be quite understanding. My husband and I were not in a position to logistically have a wedding the day we got married since we are so isolated from all our friends and family. We’re California natives and know virtually no one in Oklahoma at the time.<br /><br />Truthfully, you need to reach the point where you don’t care what extended family thinks. You should worry about offending/upsetting them to a point, but you’ll kill yourself if you spend your life trying to keep other people happy all the time. This is for you, it’s on your sechedule, it’s what you and your fiance need to do. This isn’t being done for anyone except both of you, and if somebody gets their knickers in a twist over it, I’d tell them to go pound sand.<br /><br />But that’s just me.
Post # 5
It’s a relief to know at least he’ll be there for the wedding! I’ve heard some horror stories where that hasn’t been the case.. But I can see how logistically it’s still pretty terrible. I think getting legalled makes so much sense, and it wouldn’t take anything away from your wedding. I would be completely sympathetic if one of my friends was in that situation! I don’t think it’s necessary to tell anyone other than immediate family, as to me the real marriage starts from the occasion and celebration and being publicly recognised by your nearest and dearest. Your vows won’t lose meaning just because you have the legal side sorted. Plus getting the paperwork done early will be one less thing for you to be worried about on the day! It sounds like you’re making the best out of a not ideal situation 🙂
Post # 6
kbmith: you obviously have a lot on your plate…and I’m sorry all your plans have been switched around. I know it may not the ideal situation for you to have to get married out of formality, but honestly it doesn’t take away from what it represents…and no one will (or should) judge you for doing what you have to do. I’m sorry you only get to spend such a small amount as husband and wife, but I guess it’s all the more reason to cherish every moment with one another. I hated when my bf got deployed…I wish you both all the best…and speedy, safe deployment.