- 2 years ago
So I am just feeling a little down lately… my guy is leaving for military training out of state in (3 weeks) November until like April. Lately I find myself feeling either indifferent to it, or very sad.
I also have noticed an increase in our little spats over stupid stuff.. we have never been the type of couple to fight constantly over petty things… and lately I find myself losing my temper quicklya nd getting annoyed easily. it’s like anything that he does that isn’t to my liking, gets magnified somehow, responding a certain way, or not responding, taking too long to text me, and even if he is being lovey and cuddly I find myself feeling distant towards him. Then when I wnat to feel close, I feel HIM distant and then I go distant too.
It is driving me crazy! We are soemwhat LDR, so we have about 6 more times to see each other before he leaves.. and even that makes me so blue.. 6 times! and then nothing, and I don’t know if I just resent him subconciously.. or what?
I know he is excited for his training and I hate being that negative nancy, but I am just bummed… it’s like I want him to act sad too, but don’t want him to actually be sad.. deep down I know I should be happy for him, and that it’s a great opportunity, but another part of me just wants to kick and scream and yell “its not fair! its not fair!” mature I know..
I have ready about this happening when a separation is coming because of deployment and such.. maybe that’s what’s happening.. but really I am here in hopes of finding people taht have gone through the same and have gotten through it… and how they cope.
I am currenly keeping busy, not by choice but because work is super busy.. but even then, I still feel this way..
Other than that I AM happy with my guy, we’ve gone through happy and not so happy times and he’s stuck around.. so I feel he wnats to be with me too and is happy.. so why can’t we stop bickering? It’s hard to know whether it’s me causing it with my vibe.. since I can be a real b*tch when I am moody, I get distant, cold, sarcastic, and then act like I don’t know I am doing it.. if I feel the slight sense or rejection from him, from a kiss, to a call.. I turn into my cold mode.. I have done that before in our relationship but I am doing it TOO much lately and feeling it…
I think deep down I feel “abandoned” so “he msut not care”, and yes I know that’s not true but yet it feels that way! is this normal? to feel resentful towards your guy? he was already in the military when we met and began dating, so I was not surprised by any of this coming, but yet once it’s here in my face it’s so hard..
I am not saying i can’t do it or can’t wait.. becuase I would much rather be with him far way than some other guy that’s 15 min away.. and he is definitely worth the pain and sacrifice it will bring, but how can I stop being such an a-hole, and sensitive to anything he does “wrong” in my eyes?
He’s not actually DOING anything wrong, we still call and text and hang out, and acts lovey towards me when we do, but I feel i inituate most of the calls and texts. He did just start a new job a month ago, so out texting during the day went down and I am feeling that too, so a part of me wants to “back off and not text him at all see if he notices” but then I just feel like that’s a mind game and it will make me more resentful.. so I just text him instead and he does reply eventually.. when he is free, but then being the sensitive mess I am lately, I think ‘hmm.. can’t even text me on his own I see..” liek WHAT THE HECK??
If i look at it from an outsider I feel I am being silly, but maybe i just need a hug.. I don’t know.. anwyay bees, thanks for letting me vent, and any stories that you have would be greatly appreciated to know I am not crazy! *twitch twitch* hehe 🙂