Weddingbee boards

Hive, I made a huge mistake. I sent emails to my bridesmaids way back asking them to meet only two criteria with their dresses: 1) that they be black, 2) that they not have a ruched bodice, as that is the major design element of my dress. Well, I never sent that email to my mother and MIL, and I probably should have. MIL has gotten a dress whose bodice is so similar to mine that I started crying when I saw the picture. There are some differences, but it is way too close for me to be comfortable. But she's already paid for it to be rush-delivered (wedding is in 2 mos.) and she and her husband are paying for the majority of this wedding and I am terrified of appearing ungrateful. So I didn't say anything. And 24 hours later, I'm still totally upset, maybe even more so. I was very ambivalent about the big wedding and the big white wedding dress, and now I want no part of this.

In general, I have a pretty good relationship with my FMIL, as long as I agree with her. She does not take disagreement well from her children, nor the one or two times I've disagreed. She should know the dress is very similar to mine. She has seen pictures of my dress millions of times and called me to say that she had seen it on someone else on Say Yes to the Dress.

Can you share pictures of both? Maybe we, as outsiders, can give you feedback on if they really look similar enough to risk saying something, or if we (as potential wedding guests) would never notice the similarity.

Good idea, nonimous12. Here are the pictures.

MIL's dress:

http://www.jasminebridal.com/J_3_1_1_1.aspx?sqno=JPN2008092511276&j_style_no=STYL20080821004&j_line_no=LINE20080821011&j_line_season=F

mine:

http://www.kleinfeldkollection.com/alita-graham-detail.cfm?item_id=11157&showpic=10287&rowid=28&page=5

MIL will be standing next to us under the chuppah for the whole ceremony. This is largely about my comfort level, not our guests' perceptions. I'll be honest: I just don't want someone taller and slimmer than me wearing a ruched bodice, because the whole reason I got the ruching was for its slimming effects. I am already not very comfortable in my dress and this just makes me feel even more uneasy.

I'll be honest, I'm really focused in on the waist, where she has the horizontal ruching. To me it is much too similar. But Amaryllis makes a good point about the bolero jacket, which I don't know if my MIL plans to wear.

IMO they don't look alike at all. Her ruching is vertical and  your's sideway. I'm sure you will look fabulous in your dressand nobody is going to notice the ruching.

I don't think they're too similar, though I can see why you might be worried. If your MIL was a reasonable person, I'd say to mention it, but it sounds like she won't take it well, so it will just cause tension.

I think you can rest assured that, if nothing changes, we all think its fine (and that your dress is beautiful!). Its definitely not worth starting WW3 over.

On the other hand, if it makes you feel better, maybe try to say something. I think I'd say something like "the dress is pretty, but I showed it to X and she thought it looked awfully similar to mine." Or act that you're really concerned that people will look badly on her that she's copying you. Or enlist a third person to say something--your mom, FI's sister, something like that. I definitely wouldn't be direct, it sounds like that'll just make her mad and stubborn.

Thanks everyone for the feedback and perspective. I'm still not really comfortable with her dress, but can see that it's probably not worth making two of us (both her and I) unhappy by asking her to return the dress, especially since the only one who is going to note and comment on this is me (okay, and my MOH, but I had to vent to someone).