MIL's, Plus Ones, and other family issues

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Seattlerains83:  Your sister needs to understand this isn’t HER day. As immediate family, she does play a big part in YOUR day, but again, it isn’t about acommodating her and her 4 guests. If you wouldn’t invite them already, why is she making such a big deal and putting you in this position? 

As far as your mother in law, if I were in your shoes, I would make the sacrifice and invite her. You have to think about how she would feel if you didn’t. And also consider your fiancee’s feelings as well. It sounds like he wants her there. Undoubtedly she will bring stress and frustration, but not inviting her could create much bigger problems. After all, you only get married once. 

Best of luck! <3

Post # 4
42157 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999


1. Tell your sister she can invite as many people as she likes

to HER wedding!

     This is not her wedding. Guests do not invite guests to someone else’s wedding.

2. If your FI wants to invite his Mom, invite his Mom. It doesn’t sound like there is much chance she would be able to attend so you needn’t waste energy worrying about her not being a social butterfly.

Post # 5
1971 posts
Buzzing bee

@Seattlerains83:  I would extend an invitation to your mother-in-law, especially if your fiancé wishes this.  Your Maid of Honor should be allowed to bring someone with whom she is living, engaged to, or married to, and any children if you are extending invitations to children.  She is not entitled to any additional guests (a “+1” to someone who is not living with someone, engaged, or married is not required and you are not required to have a child-friendly event–however, you must also accept that someone may choose not to attend an event if their children are not also invited, etc.).

Post # 6
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Seattlerains83:  Who exactly does your MOH want to invite?  I think you need to shut that down. 

I would definitely invite your MIL.  It’s definitely reasonable to expect her to pay for her own transportation and lodging.

Post # 7
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

1.  Your sister is way out of line.  No, she is not entitled to invite 4 people.  If she is married or engaged, her spouse/fiance should be invited, that is it.


2.  I would invite the FMIL. 



Post # 8
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I’m assuming this is a DW? Your sister would be free to have whoemever she wants travel with her, at their expense, but those friends are not to attend your wedding events. Sounds like your sister wants to turn your wedding into a vacation with other friends. I can see her reasoning behind that- “Hey, my sister’s getting married in Jamaica, you want to come along?”, but as your MOH she is going to be busy, and again, she is NOT to invite people to your wedding events.

Post # 11
2798 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would talk to your sister about inviting ONE plus One.  The term is plus one, not plus 4.  I would also make sure your sister know what you expect out of her… because I will be honest, the last statment sounds like you expect a lot.  Maybe she doesn’t understand that you expect her at stand by until after dinner (or longer?) 

The MIL issue is your FI’s issue.  If he wants her, she goes on the list.  There should be no expectation that you are paying her travel.  Leaving an open door for family is always a smart thing with weddings.  

Post # 12
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Seattlerains83:  since it’s your sister, I would presume she would know plenty of family members! 

Post # 13
6692 posts
Bee Keeper

Aside from asking FSIL and FMIL to rise to the occasion and respect your wishes that they at least be civilized to one another, and seating them separately, there’s really not much you can do. 

Does your sister want to invite other family members that you have excluded or are these people that you don’t even know?  You don’t owe her a +1 let alone a +4.  She actually has a lot of nerve to demand this.  I would tell her that you are not allowing any additional guests, that it is not considered customary or reasonable, and that it would be a strain on your budget as well as unfair to others.  If she can’t see all that then she’s just going to have to respect your wishes anyway. 

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