Post # 1
Good evening bees,
My FI and his immediete family do not get along. There is drama and history i wont get into here. In any case he wants to invite his mom, i have met this woman a handful of times and needless to say she is not considered a social butterfly. I have huge reservations about extending a invite to her even with expressing that my FI and I can not pay for her way out here in any way. She would be on her own for the plane, transportation, hotel, food, etc. I also fear that by droping an invite to her I may get a backlash from my SIL. Who is known to hold a grudge.
Plus one issues, my sister (MOH) is insisting on inviting 4 people to the wedding. I have taold her that only if she pays for them sinve we have a small venue and can only fit so many. I expressed as well that if she was allowed to invite 4 people i would have to extend that couresty to all my guests! She didnt understand why that was a probelm.
Help Bees, any advise is appreciated.
Post # 3
@Seattlerains83: Your sister needs to understand this isn’t HER day. As immediate family, she does play a big part in YOUR day, but again, it isn’t about acommodating her and her 4 guests. If you wouldn’t invite them already, why is she making such a big deal and putting you in this position?
As far as your mother in law, if I were in your shoes, I would make the sacrifice and invite her. You have to think about how she would feel if you didn’t. And also consider your fiancee’s feelings as well. It sounds like he wants her there. Undoubtedly she will bring stress and frustration, but not inviting her could create much bigger problems. After all, you only get married once.
Best of luck! <3
Post # 4
1. Tell your sister she can invite as many people as she likes
to HER wedding!
This is not her wedding. Guests do not invite guests to someone else’s wedding.
2. If your FI wants to invite his Mom, invite his Mom. It doesn’t sound like there is much chance she would be able to attend so you needn’t waste energy worrying about her not being a social butterfly.
Post # 5
@Seattlerains83: I would extend an invitation to your mother-in-law, especially if your fiancé wishes this. Your Maid of Honor should be allowed to bring someone with whom she is living, engaged to, or married to, and any children if you are extending invitations to children. She is not entitled to any additional guests (a “+1” to someone who is not living with someone, engaged, or married is not required and you are not required to have a child-friendly event–however, you must also accept that someone may choose not to attend an event if their children are not also invited, etc.).
Post # 6
@Seattlerains83: Who exactly does your MOH want to invite? I think you need to shut that down.
I would definitely invite your MIL. It’s definitely reasonable to expect her to pay for her own transportation and lodging.
Post # 7
1. Your sister is way out of line. No, she is not entitled to invite 4 people. If she is married or engaged, her spouse/fiance should be invited, that is it.
2. I would invite the FMIL.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I’m assuming this is a DW? Your sister would be free to have whoemever she wants travel with her, at their expense, but those friends are not to attend your wedding events. Sounds like your sister wants to turn your wedding into a vacation with other friends. I can see her reasoning behind that- “Hey, my sister’s getting married in Jamaica, you want to come along?”, but as your MOH she is going to be busy, and again, she is NOT to invite people to your wedding events.
Post # 9
@rebwana: Thank you. Its a slight destination wedding ( 80 miles away from home) but she is pushing the issue for inviting people she knows.
Post # 10
@Polygon: She wants to invite her friends so she ” knows someone”. I have stressed to her that she is going to be very busy helping me and will not have time to be social until after her duties are finished.
Post # 11
I would talk to your sister about inviting ONE plus One. The term is plus one, not plus 4. I would also make sure your sister know what you expect out of her… because I will be honest, the last statment sounds like you expect a lot. Maybe she doesn’t understand that you expect her at stand by until after dinner (or longer?)
The MIL issue is your FI’s issue. If he wants her, she goes on the list. There should be no expectation that you are paying her travel. Leaving an open door for family is always a smart thing with weddings.
Post # 12
@Seattlerains83: since it’s your sister, I would presume she would know plenty of family members!
Post # 13
Aside from asking FSIL and FMIL to rise to the occasion and respect your wishes that they at least be civilized to one another, and seating them separately, there’s really not much you can do.
Does your sister want to invite other family members that you have excluded or are these people that you don’t even know? You don’t owe her a +1 let alone a +4. She actually has a lot of nerve to demand this. I would tell her that you are not allowing any additional guests, that it is not considered customary or reasonable, and that it would be a strain on your budget as well as unfair to others. If she can’t see all that then she’s just going to have to respect your wishes anyway.