Post # 1
attend wedding related events? It just floors me when a bride has hurt feelings about her flaky wedding party, she comes on the Bee to vent, and so many people tell the bride she sould not be upset that her wedding party didn’t show up to a bridal shower. I don’t get it! Now if something drastic happens and they couldn’t attend, fine. However, if this has been planned for months and you don’t show up becase your remote control ran out of batteries, damned right I am going to be highly upset. This is why I only had two MOH’s in my entire bridal party. My cousin who is one of my best friends, and my actual best friend. They were fabulous! They went above and beyond. I never expected help on my DIY’s, but there was a huge mix up with my boxes and I received some of my DIY projects the night before the wedding, and they stayed up helping me. (There was also 4 other non bridal party members) And we were in Vegas! They could have been on the strip somewhere. Not one of them complained about it. (To my face, LOL)I never expected that help, but I would have done it in a reverse situation. Isn’t that what a friend does? Be there for a friend? We pick people in our wedding party that we think will have our backs, and when we get let down it hurts.
Honestly, I just feel like we give way too many passes for bad friends. BM should not just have to show up and look pretty. They don’t need to finance my bridal shower to Italy either, but I do feel that we let wedding parties off to easily on the Bee. Is it just me?
Post # 3
I think most of us realize that the wedding revolves around the bride and everyone else has a life outside of that. It also depends on how many wedding-related events there are. Some brides go over the top. Some brides also choose attendants that they know won’t be there for them and then complain about when they don’t follow through.
I’m glad your MOHs were there for you. Sounds like you chose wisely. 🙂
Post # 4
I agree with you. Sometimes I feel like there is such an obsession on weddingbee with not being a Bridezilla that we discount legitimate complaints brides have. Are there brides who demand too much out of their wedding party? Of course. But, really, local bridesmaids should chip in and do something for the shower and bachelorette if they are abe to do so. I think new moms, out of state bridesmaids, etc. get an excuse. Also, I have been a bridesmaid in a lot of weddings where the girls were not nearly as supportive of the bride as they could be. Not cool
Post # 5
I think this goes both ways!
There are Brides who expect too much, engagement party, 2 bridal showers, bachelorette weekend, Stag and Doe (Tacky Canadian Thing), Lingerie shower, plus the rehearsal dinner and wedding!!!
- I’m sorry I have a life too I can’t give you 5+ weekends of my summer (especially if I live out of town)!!!
And there are some BM who don’t have an excuse and just don’t show up. But most of the time I side with the BMs because I have been in this situation one too many times!!!!
Post # 7
I think it depends on your relationship with your friends. 3/4 of my bridesmaids couldn’t make it to my shower — but none of us live in the same place, and my sisters-in-law threw it over the holidays, because that’s when I could be home. I wasn’t bugged about it at all. They showed their love and support in a bunch of different ways in the lead-up to the event. This is totally different than having a bunch of women in the same town who just decided not to come, though!
I think people need to realize that their wedding party has a life (and may not have any experience with wedding stuff) — but the wedding party also needs to be supportive in ways that they are able to.
Post # 8
There’s definitely a line. Sometimes BMs cross it and sometimes the bride does. With local BMs, I think they should at least make an obvious effort to be at things. “I couldn’t get off work” is a different story than “I didn’t even try.”
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
The should attend when practical, but there was no way I was going to demand that my bridesmaid fly in from Philadelphia for my bridal shower when she was already doing that for the wedding. If she had been more local, then I would’ve expected her there unless she had a prior commitment.
Post # 10
@OctBride-2012: That definitely seems to be a problem. Brides want to have a 10 person wedding party, when I think it should narrowed down to your close, close friends. Otherwise, what is the purpose? Of course your college roommate’s cousin isn’t going to be there for you…that is the fault of the bride for picking so many wedding party members. Whether it be pressure, you have dreamed of a huge bridal party since you were a little girl, etc…picking a bridal party for any other reasons than those people being your most loyal best friends will almost always lead to trouble.
However, the people who picked carefully but still have hurt feelings because members of their bridal party are being complete bi-yatches, well to me they have a legitimate reasons to be pissed.
@carolsdaughter: This: I truly think that the term bridezilla has been thrown around so haphazardly, that any complaint that a perfectly rational bride has, is immediately invalidated and labeled as being “bridezilla-esque.
Post # 11
@mrsSonthebeach: That is legitimate. Flying in for both wedding and shower is too much. That is not the expectations I am referring to. Bridal party members that are in the same state, and do not have a legitimate excuse, those are who I am referring to. I had a DW, so I know some things were not possible for my MOH’s 🙂
Post # 12
I agree that there are two sides to this.
I’ve known several people that had something planned every weekend for about 2 months and sometimes that’s just not feasible. I couldn’t afford to go to everything and the bride was pissed. I had to explain to her that I was on a college student budget, that I would be there for major events and if that wasn’t enough then I would step down.
I think that it’s reasonable to expect your bridal party to attend events as long as the bride doesn’t go over board. Most of the weddings I’ve been in there have been four events that I attended, most only had one or two, and that was fine for me.
Post # 13
Girl preach. Yeah I get the both sides of this particular issue, but I feel so often on the bee clearly normally rational non-zilla women come here to vent (as opposed to IRl) and just get the etiquette/behavioral nazi’s jumping down their throat for having the gall to have anger/annoyance.
on this issue:
Yes, if you are a lunatic don’t be mad if your bridal party can’t live up to your expectations.
No you are not a bad person for expecting your bridal party to do more than to show up and look pretty. Times are a changing and the whole “they have no resonsibilities,” is a dying trend. You shouldn’t make them slaves or anything-they are your loved ones, but that gives you the same right to be bummed if they don’t want to even discuss your pinterest board in your year long engagement.
P.S just read the post that I bet helped inspire this one. Sorry bout it, but in my circle of friends if you are in the party it is because you have additional responsibilities (have I loved my lack of crafting skills being shown during DIY nights-nope. I did it because I loved the bride and they asked me to take extra responsibilities by being in their party)
Post # 14
@Bellagiobride: You DID choose well. Two attendants, both attentive to you and it all went well, good for you!
But some/many brides expect so much”support” with all of these events:engagement party, shopping for a wedding dress, shopping for maid dresses (and the shopping events are not limited to one afternoon out) , bachelorette party-cum-weekend, multiple showers, rehearsal event, wedding day, after-wedding day to open presents and do whatever. And all of this on top of $ that attendants lay out for all kinds of things to support the above.
That’s exhausting. And not reasonable. Especially when there are 6 bridesmaids and many of them don’t live in the same town.
Post # 16
@FMM: oh, I see that you said it before I did. Yes, that’s exactly it–5 weekends is just not reasonable.
And so many brides complaining about those who “could do [it] if only they tried” with “it” being: save for the bridesmaid dress and shoes (which will never be worn again), drive 3 hours to and 3 hours from a dumb shower, be supportive in helping bride shop for bridal dress (which could mean multiple Saturday afternoons over a six month span) and etc.
That’s not the point because of course the bridesmaids could do all of the above, it’s just that they don’t value that which bridzilla values: focusing all time and attention on herself and on Her Day. Jeez I hate that term, Her Day. If only it WERE just one freekin’ day there wouldn’t be the constant stream of complaints here.