Post # 1
Ok, my birthday wasn’t a total bust – we had our pictures taken by a photographer in a botanical garden, he brought me flowers, we went out to eat. Overall, a wonderful weekend. Aside from the fact that there was no proposal. And we’re going camping this weekend for his birthday, and I doubt it will be then, either.
It just kills me, because he brought it up over a year and a half ago. Keeps telling his family he’s doing it in the winter, then spring, now he’s saying fall (I don’t ask, but they do and then they always tell me, lol.) I know it’s a money thing. We’re saving to buy a house, and being his accountant self he wants to have all his ducks in a row before we make it official. But I know he wants to get married, as he says so all the time. But he also knows I won’t go through with buying the house unless we’re engaged. It’s like a stalemate.
And to top it off, as we’re eating dinner and watching the news last night, there was a story about how the average wedding costs $27,000 in total. His jaw hit the floor; he looked at me; and I said quietly, “we could always elope”. But he wants his whole family there. So he then started coming up with a guest list and calculating how much it will be to have both our families there. Damn accountants. It doesn’t have to be about the money, but I wish he could see that. He wants this grandiose ring, wedding, and hawaiian honeymoon – but gets freaked out by the dollar signs. At this rate, it feels like I’ll be waiting forever..
Post # 3
I’m sorry you were let down, especially on your birthday! I know what you are going through. My now husband started talking about us getting married after 3 months. Which made the next year and a half hard because I was always thinking oh it will come for my birthday, out christmas, etc. I remember the letdown and it sucked. But, he did propose in his own time and now we are happily married. My husband isn’t an accountant but he is an engineer who is very analytical. He also was worried about the money. But, we ended up having our classy 120 person wedding for $7500 in Orange County no less. We did a honeymoon registry and that paid for most of our extravagant honeymoon. Just make sure your boyfriend knows that the price the wedding industry quotes for the average wedding is designed to make couples feel like they have to spend a ton of money. But you don’t have to!
Post # 4
oh girl i hear you haha.. my boyfriend is the “saving” type if you will… hearing the price of a wedding totally freaks him out! i think he’s gotten used to it now. there are ways to cut down cost though and you will just have to show him in time. I’ll randomly find a gorgeous place for a really good price and tell him and he gets more interested/excited. I don’t think he will ever be completely happy spending a lot of money on a wedding but it’s all a compromise.. we are actually going to (most likely) get married a few hours away where its much cheaper. we live in nj and ct is way cheaper.. and getting married a few hours away will weed out the people who you dont really need at your wedding, making it a more manageable affair 🙂 that was our compromise .. you just need to ease him into it.. if i discussed this with my boyfriend 2 years ago he wouldve told me i was crazy and that a wedding shouldnt cost more than $1,000 haha!
also, i would totally stick to your guns about buying a house.. you have to put your foot down somewhere right! 🙂 Good luck though it sounds like you are really close and your birthday sounds amazing! It sucks that there was no proposal but maybe he has something better in store for you! (God I wish I could take my own advice! I know from experience it’s easier said than done!!)
Post # 5
@readynwaiting58: This is my life!!! It’s like the exact same situation. I keep telling him I’d be absolutely happy with less expensive options but HE wants the big ring, the big wedding, etc and won’t be happy with himself if it’s “crappy.”
I have no advice to offer- only sympathy. It’s not fun.
Post # 6
The money thing has been a huge issue for my SO as well. He happens to have several friends who have gone into debt to pay for their weddings (and are still paying it off several years later) and doesn’t want that for us–and I strongly agree. He also doesn’t want me to compromise on the things I want (and elopement isn’t really an option for us either). However, what helped in our case is clarifying what type of wedding I do want–and it doesn’t involve over the top decorations and extravagant venues.
I’m not sure what area you’re from, but at least in my experience, the average wedding cost for my friends has been well under the national average–I honestly think that number is skewed. Maybe since your SO is a numbers guy, it might help to price check a few big things (ask friends who got married, or call around) just to get an idea of what will actually be involved. Also, reiterate that what’s important to you at the end of the day is to be married to him. The rest is just details.
Post # 7
@Alexis22: Yes, my SO brought it up after three months as well. It’s like, why on earth would you say something if you have no intentions of taking action for another few years?? But that is a good idea about a Honeymoon registry – we already have everything we need for a house! I think that’s something I’d definitely try to do. Thanks for the tip!
@futuremrsgreenbean: Yes, I certainly know it doesn’t have to cost that much. I’m the queen of DIY, and I buy all my clothes from consignment shops! He just sees the large number and his eyes get all big lol. And the ridiculous part is, my parents told me they’ll pay for most of it since I’m the only girl in the family. But we can’t find out how much they’ll contribute until he asks me!
@missjuli: I feel you girl. I showed him moissanite a few weeks ago, and said “I would be more than thrilled with this. You don’t need to spend more than $500 on a ring”. Yeah, he scoffed at that idea lol. I think he thinks I’m just saying that – but I really would be fine with it!
@bellasperanza: Yes, $27,000 does seem ridiculous, even for a wedding. Granted, I live in Northern VA (right outside DC), and the cost of living is absurd here. You can’t rent a 1-bedroom apt. for less than 1200 a month. I think it would be a good idea to price things out, though. I don’t need to get married in a castle – hell, I’d get married in a burlap sack if it meant I got to be with him for the rest of my life.
Thanks for the support and words of encouragement ladies; it really helps knowing that I’m not alone, and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel!