- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
My fiance’s family is very sweet and loving. They really value family time and have frequent get togethers which I really enjoy. Almost every month someone throws a game night or a family party to celebrate something. They’ve really shown me what it’s like to feel the joy of having a close family that actually have fun spending time together–because my own extended family doesn’t gather very often and when we do it’s pretty boring. I am really lucky to have them as my in-laws. I love them and I often I feel even closer to them than my own family. There’s just one aspect that bothers me and I need your help with how to deal with it!
If we can’t make it to an event, or if we have to leave early they act really hurt and disappointed. The most bizarre example was when his aunt invited us for a spur-of-the-moment get together one day when work was closed due to snow–we said no thank you (not driving 45mins in a blizzard!!), and she has acted hurt toward us ever since, as though she is deeply offended that we declined!
We live over an hour away from his immediate family. We try to see them as much as we can, but we do enjoy an occaisonal weekend to ourselves. It seems like they expect us to drive up to see them every weekend!! And when we don’t, they act so disappointed and make us feel guilty like we’re not putting in the effort, neglecting family. I wish they would just appreciate the times that we are together and be grateful for the effort that we do put in (they almost never drive to see us–it’s always us driving to see them). For example, this weekend while chatting with FMIL I excitedly rattled off all the dates for weekends we’re planning on visiting them for the next couple months. I was hoping she would be excited and glad to hear the plans we did have, but her response was “Oh is that all??” Another example: whenever we leave after spending the weekend at their house, they always are so disappointed and complain that they wish we could have stayed longer. I wish they could just focus on the positive and say “It was a great weekend! Thanks for spending it with us!”
So basically my question is: how do I deal with their disappointment in the “lack” of time we spend with them–even though we do put in tremendous effort to see them frequently?