Post # 1
I was 12 weeks pregnant when I found out that I was having a miscarriage. I was at the point in my pregnancy that I felt safe telling people that I was pregnant. The day that I found out was a tuesday; it was also the first day of nursing school for me. I had a D & C procedure two days later.
It hasn’t even been three weeks yet but I feel like my sadness and grief is worse then on the day that I found out. I am having alot of trouble dealing with everything.
Not only did I miscarry, but it was the first day of nursing school and a week later the lady that I nannyed for texted me and told me that she didn’t need me anymore. Also, my nursing instructers emailed me and told me to drop out because I missed two classes. I am having trouble in class because I am having such bad anxiety.
I feel so lost and alone. My husband had been really wonderful but at this point he doesn’t really understand my grief anymore. He was really sad and upset but he’s pretty much over it now. I am angry, sad, depressed, anxious and a lot of other things that I can’t even put into words.
I would welcome any advice from anyone that has been through a miscarriage. I just don’t know what to do. I am crying constantly. I saw a baby at a restaurant tonight and thought I might lose it. And my best friend and I were due around the same time. I haven’t seen her yet but I don’t want to ruin her joy but I just don’t know how I can be happy around her.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Is there someone you can talk to? For example, could you go to your doctor for a referral to a grief counselor or support group?
Also, regarding nursing school, is there any way you can make an appointment with an academic counselor and explain the situation? I know its something that you probably don’t even want to think about doing at this point, but they may be able to help you sort out your options (speaking with your professors? Postponing until next semester/ year?) Then hopefully that can take one thing off your plate at least for the time being.
Again, I’m so sorry and you are in my thoughts.
Post # 4
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what a terrible time this must be for you. There is an online community dedicated to those who are also grieving the loss of an angel.
I hope that you can find the comfort and support that you need from women who’ve been there too.
Post # 5
mrsbiscuit I know what you’re going though. I didn’t miscarry, my daughter had anencephaly and had to be taken from me in my third trimester. I wanted to die, I was depressed, and I wanted to physically hurt myself to counter the mental pain I was feeling. And no one could every understand the pain you feel. You don’t want to here ‘God knows what’s best’ or ‘everything happens for a reason’. Those word actually hurt me more. What I did was cried, kicked, cussed, yelled, and threw things while I talked it out with God. It may sound crazy or like BS, but I felt better the next day. The good thing about the conversation with God is he listens without uttering a word, but he always delivers you. The pain will subside. I do hope this helps you in some way.
Post # 6
I know what you are going though, I was there. There is no cure for your sadness, you are mourning the loss of a child you had grown to love a child that you only truely knew. Time will help. Like PH said, it may help to talk to a spiritual leader, or directly to your deity (sorry I don’t know your religion). You may find a support group as no one will ever truely understand unless they have gone though it. If you want to talk more, just PM me.
Post # 7
I’m so sad with you for all you have been through.
We found out we were pregnant for 2 days but then the pregnancy ended. We had already told a number of people and window shopped all day at every nearby baby store in our excitement.
For us, it was very difficult to talk to family because they were heartbroken too and were so concerned about saying the right thing–I called my mom and dad and that was so tough– and emailed the rest we had already told. Be sure to cry about it with a friend or aunty or someone who has gone through this. We got through the main grief soon after–first by fighting with each other (not recommended but got our own conflicts out on the table), then with prayer in solitude, an eventual resolve to trust in God and then planned for pregnancy again a few months later. We were overjoyed when we did conceive again. There are occasional pangs of sadness (9 months later), but we know the circumstances and timing are beyond are control. I also wrote the whole story out of what I went through– just for my eyes, and to read aloud to hubby, which helped also. I think it may have hurt him to be reminded but I was concerned he didn’t process it enough with others and wanted him to be able to talk about it. (He talked about it way less.) Each day I’m pregnant now, I’m so grateful and not taking any moment for granted. Though there is some anxiety, I won’t let the past steal the joy of celebrating the reality of today and hopeful possibility of tomorrow. The process has definitely made us eager, caring parents and a closer couple.
When I eventually was strong enough to talk to people about it briefly, like when a related topic came up, their eyes would fill with tears and just a little more healing would take place–with the shared suffering of the human condition– and there is progress. Please don’t bottle it inside. Find someone or someplace to turn to. March of Dimes website has some grief info you can send away for and it comes in a few weeks also. http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/572.asp
Big hugs (♥)
Post # 8
I am so so sorry. I’ve been there too. I’ve had three miscarriages, two very early ones and then another one at 11 weeks. There is nothing that anyone can say or do to make it any better, but I found that time is the only thing that seems to help. Try to surround yourself with loving, supportive people and don’t be afraid to lean on them. If you need or want to talk please feel free to pm me. ((hugs))
Post # 9
I haven’t been through this but just wanted to send hugs. Hang in there.
I volunteered at a local non-profit with support groups for grief. I think they were a great help to the people who attended.
Post # 10
I had a miscarriage 4 years ago. For the first year I was a mess, but there was a great online community that really helped me cope.
If you ever want to PM me you can. /hugs
Post # 11
I am sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers!
Post # 12
I just want to say that I’m really sorry for your loss. I’m a medical student and in the last few weeks I’ve watched a few women go through miscarriages. I know it’s incredibly hard.
I think you might seriously need to think about what you can do right now to give yourself time and space to grieve. Would it be possible to put school on hold for a while–maybe start next quarter? If you can’t concentrate or are missing classes, you won’t be getting much out of it anyway. Would some grief counseling be possible right now? I think you need other supportive people to hear you talk about your loss and your anxiety from it. It sounds like you are having trouble in your day to day life (for example, school, seeing other babies) and it’s going to continue to be really hard for you if you can’t take the time to fully deal with this.
Best of luck to you, and I’m sorry you had to go through this.
Post # 13
My mom had several miscarriages before I was born, and I still remember the pain in her voice when she talked about it. I’m very sorry this happened to you and your husband, and my thoughts and prayers are with you both. *hugs*
Post # 14
I’m so sorry. Best of luck to you and I hope that everything works out.
Post # 15
I am so sorry for your loss. I just miscarried less than two months ago and I just recently started to feel much better. The pain was so raw and I felt like I was in a black hole at times. I definately agree with the others who said to find a support group. Somebody that has been through this can definately help!
Hang in there. I promise it will get better. PM me if you want to talk. I completely understand what you are going through!! ((Hugs))
Post # 16
I am so sorry for you loss. This must be such a heartbreaking time for you and I hope that those around you can be understanding. A college peer of mine recently started a website (with a friend) after the loss of her child at 19 weeks. http://www.facesofloss.blogspot.com. It has stories from hundreds of other women who have experienced baby loss and miscarriage. There is also a lot of good information in finding resources to help you in your own emotional healing.
Good luck and lots of love