Post # 1
I should preface this by saying that my SO is not the communicator in our relationship. He hates talking on the phone and always feels awkward talking to strangers. Therefore, I’m the one who handles making appointments, getting estimates, etc.
So my SO and I were out yesterday getting estimates on a storage unit for our impending move. We went to this one place and I went up to the man at the front desk (who was probably 70+ years old) and explained to him what we needed and asked how much it would cost. He gave me the information I needed and when we went to leave, my SO (being the polite man he is) said “Bye, have a nice day!” and the old man goes, “Maybe next time she’ll let you talk!”
SERIOUSLY?! Because I’m the female I’m supposed to let my man handle the ‘man business’ ?!?!?! It made me so mad!
It may sound innocent just from reading the story, but the entire time we were there he was being completely condescending, like he couldn’t believe a 20-something year old girl was trying to get a quote on a storage unit.
And of course my SO (who always tries to diffuse tense situations) was like, “He was just trying to be funny, he didn’t mean anything by it!”
Okay, honey, well next time an old man says something like that to you (which will never happen, because you are also a man) I’ll be sure to totally defend him.
Post # 3
Some people might think this has something to do with the age of the man you were speaking to, but I don’t buy that. Women have been speaking for hundreds of years. In this particular instance you were the spokesperson in the couple and that surprised him, because maybe it doesn’t fit his idea of gender roles. He may have expressed it in a “jokey” way (I don’t know) but it’s still a sexist joke, implying that either women shouldn’t do the talking in this situation or that the only way you could be the spokesperson at that time was if you had bullied your SO into being quiet. That’s a piss off, but it’s this old (possibly miserable and alone) man’s problem, not yours.
Post # 4
We’ve encountered stuff like this and have chosen to not work with those people. Its funny. I am the organizer/research/etc, so when we go to compare prices or make big decisons (ie buying a car or something), I’m usually the one who has done the legwork to compare and figure things out.
1) We went to test drive cars last year. Not only did the guy completely direct every question to DH, but he didn’t even shake my hand during introductions. Through the entire process, he barely said anything to me. When the car dealer called to follow-up with us, I told them why I wouldn’t be buying from them.
2) We’ve been looking for flooring for the house, and same thing. He shook DH’s hand at introductions and I had to make the move for him to shake mine. I prefaced the conversation saying that I was the one who had done the research and DH was just along for the ride, and he STILL talked to DH as if I wasn’t there. And at the end, shook his hand and not mine. This place was just way too expensive, so it didn’t matter.
Post # 5
@Leasli: ….I wonder if this wasn’t more of a jab at your SO’s quiet nature instead of a balls to the wall, Lemme Talk to The Pants kind of move…after all, the guy gave you the information, and I wouldn’t put much stock into his attitude because those people probably quote units to a hundred people who never come back…of the ones that DO actually rent a unit, over half of them will default on it, forcing him to have to start the legal process of filing delinquency and eventually having the thing auctioned off…all at his expense which will unlikey be recouped in the sale….so he might just be a terribly jaded crusty old man who was wondering why your fella didn’t say a word until it was time to leave…..
Post # 6
@Leasli: I am the “take charge” person in our relationship too. People that know me, and my mom, know that is just who I am and accept it. We have never encountered something like this, however, it drives his family crazy. But I just look at this way. When we met he was 28 (he will be 34 next month) he was in the military but had no money and lived with his grandparents, as opposed to living on base. Since then he has served the rest of his term, gotten out, is completeing school a few days before we get married (he will be an engineer) and he pays his child support every month. Something else he did not do before, except in the Army because you do not have a choice. If his family thinks I am too bossy, or emasculating (as his mother accused me of being once) then that is their problem.
And as I told his mother “I am sorry but I do not live in a world where the man does all the work and handles all the business while I sit home taking care of the house and children. If him doing housework is a little emasculating then he needs to be emasculated. However, my dad, brother and both of my uncles do house work and they are every bit as manly, even more so, than your pothead husband.” (not the FI’s dad)
Post # 7
I don’t really care if the guy meant it as a joke or not – when you run a business, you need to be mindful of what you say. The “it’s my generation” excuse is also washed-up. You live in the here and now, and unless you live under a rock, it should come as no surprise how lines like that can be taken. I sure hope there’s another storage unit company in your neck of the woods.