Misplaced gifts – Post Wedding stress

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Just drop it. You’d be surprised at who didn’t actually give a gift.

Post # 4
Member
11712 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You shouldn’t call people to ask if they didn’t give a gift – it’s very rude.  There isn’t a way to really do it without sounding like you’re suggesting they didn’t give you a gift that was to your satisfaction.

Were the envelopes unsealed?  All of our wedding checks were in sealed envelopes.  I would think someone stole them only if the envelopes were torn open.

Post # 5
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Dont ask just send a generic card to avoind embarassing them or you 

Post # 6
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would call it a life lesson.  We had many people not give us gifts, which was a huge surprise.  I am willing to bet that was part of it.  

Post # 8
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@kcanon:  I guess I would start by asking the venue if they have a security camera.  The number of people that didn’t give us gifts was over 10% of the guests.

Post # 9
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@kcanon:  Well, if there is no security camera then your best bet is to wait and just send thank you cards for those gifts you did receive — and don’t send anything to people you don’t have a gift/card from. If you have guests asking you in a month because the check never cleared and they never got a thank-you card, then you will know!

Do people really put cash into cards? I always write checks out of worry about this exact thing — it’s so easy to rob a card box at a big wedding, unfortunately Frown

Post # 10
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

About 35% of our guests never gave a gift or card. We did receive several gifts within a couple weeks after the wedding; however, some of the people who “should” have given a gift or at least acknowledged with a card never did so. Oh well.

Post # 11
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@kcanon:  Even if someone told you they gave you a gift doesn’t mean they did. I had several people tell me they gave a gift and when I had some gifts that didn’t have cards I asked those people if any were theirs, and, nope, they just actually hadn’t gotten me anything even though they said they did the day before the wedding. People are strange creatures.

Almost half of the couples/guests that attended my wedding did not bring either a gift or card. Some were family members who I would have expected would give a lot because they give excessively at birthdays/Christmas/etc. But you just never know! Some people really don’t bother to think about gifts for weddings, I guess. I just wouldn’t worry about it, really.

Post # 12
Member
2341 posts
Buzzing bee

Not sure what the answer is, but i’d also be wanting to know!

 

Post # 13
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Eeeks. That’s a tough one. Esp since you know of one that’s missing for sure. I’d go the camera rout first. And then if you have proof that someone did go in and out, you can make some phone calls and just be honest.

I’m not even sure what to say…  “I aplogize for asking, but we’ve recieved confirmation that someone broke into the bridal suit and stole a bunch of cards.  As we don’t have a card from you, we just wanted to give you the opportunity to cancel any checks that you may have included.”?

Just writing that out made me feel awkward. Cause what if they didn’t do a check but cash? Or what if it was a guest who stole them? Or what if they didn’t give anything, then they have to admit it to you?

I feel like it’s a lose lose situation. 🙁  

In the end, i’d prolly call anyone i was super close with and just ask, did you leave a card? cause someone stole a bunch! and let it spread word of mouth. 

Post # 14
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would send a letter (handwritten) to every single person that you did not recieve a gift from. I would word it accordingly:

On 08/01/13 myself and husband recieved confirmation that a large number of cards and gifts were stolen from the bridal suite. We are reviewing security policies with our venue. However, this puts us in the unfortunate position of having to reach out to guests whose bank accounts or personal info may have been compromised as a result of the theft. If you notice any suspicious activity on your checking account, or if you would like to confirm that we have recieved a gift on your behalf, please feel free to reach us at the below telephone number.

We are so sorry that this happened, and wanted all of our guests to have the opportunity to protect their financial information.  


This way it isn’t about not getting a gift, but about protecting their piece of mind. The ones that want to reach out to you about making sure you got the gift will, and the ones who didn’t give anything will not. Problem solved!

Post # 16
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would just drop it. Some people don’t give gifts and sometimes these people can be the closest ones, but if you really want to, Miss Leopard’s message is a good one. I wouldn’t be too upset reading it.

 

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