Post # 1
We had our wedding this past weekend and it was so much fun! Everything was lovely and people seemed to have a great time.
But just when I thought the wedding stress was over, we were looking through our gifts/envelopes/cards last night and we noted that some people didn’t give anything. I am shocked because some of those people are very unlikely to not give at all (even just a card). So now we are trying to figure out the best way to find out whether they really didn’t give anything or if it was lost/misplaced/stolen.
I don’t want to get too much into how this could even have possibly happened, but let’s just say that the person assigned to move the card box to a locked room at the venue dropped the ball and the box sat in the bridal suite the entire night where pretty much anyone can go in and out.
So anyways, what would be the best way for us to go about asking them without sounding like we are singling anyone out for not giving a gift if that were actually the case? Or should we just drop it, call it a loss and chalk it up to a life lesson?
Post # 3
Just drop it. You’d be surprised at who didn’t actually give a gift.
Post # 4
You shouldn’t call people to ask if they didn’t give a gift – it’s very rude. There isn’t a way to really do it without sounding like you’re suggesting they didn’t give you a gift that was to your satisfaction.
Were the envelopes unsealed? All of our wedding checks were in sealed envelopes. I would think someone stole them only if the envelopes were torn open.
Post # 5
Dont ask just send a generic card to avoind embarassing them or you
Post # 6
I would call it a life lesson. We had many people not give us gifts, which was a huge surprise. I am willing to bet that was part of it.
Post # 7
Thank you everyone for the replies. I know it’s rude but I was hoping there was any way to go about bringing it up. A big concern is that if anyone had given us cheques, we would like to tell them to cancel them just in case. Also, the number of people who didn’t give is actually a large amount (which given the average gift amount our guests gave us could amount to well over a thousand dollars). Another thing is at least one person we are certain did give us a gift but now it is missing from the gift box. All of these things together are making us very suspicious.
We have also thought about going back to the venue and asking if they have security cameras set up near the bridal suite or the exit.
Post # 8
@kcanon: I guess I would start by asking the venue if they have a security camera. The number of people that didn’t give us gifts was over 10% of the guests.
Post # 9
@kcanon: Well, if there is no security camera then your best bet is to wait and just send thank you cards for those gifts you did receive — and don’t send anything to people you don’t have a gift/card from. If you have guests asking you in a month because the check never cleared and they never got a thank-you card, then you will know!
Do people really put cash into cards? I always write checks out of worry about this exact thing — it’s so easy to rob a card box at a big wedding, unfortunately
Post # 10
About 35% of our guests never gave a gift or card. We did receive several gifts within a couple weeks after the wedding; however, some of the people who “should” have given a gift or at least acknowledged with a card never did so. Oh well.
Post # 11
@kcanon: Even if someone told you they gave you a gift doesn’t mean they did. I had several people tell me they gave a gift and when I had some gifts that didn’t have cards I asked those people if any were theirs, and, nope, they just actually hadn’t gotten me anything even though they said they did the day before the wedding. People are strange creatures.
Almost half of the couples/guests that attended my wedding did not bring either a gift or card. Some were family members who I would have expected would give a lot because they give excessively at birthdays/Christmas/etc. But you just never know! Some people really don’t bother to think about gifts for weddings, I guess. I just wouldn’t worry about it, really.
Post # 12
Not sure what the answer is, but i’d also be wanting to know!
Post # 13
Eeeks. That’s a tough one. Esp since you know of one that’s missing for sure. I’d go the camera rout first. And then if you have proof that someone did go in and out, you can make some phone calls and just be honest.
I’m not even sure what to say… “I aplogize for asking, but we’ve recieved confirmation that someone broke into the bridal suit and stole a bunch of cards. As we don’t have a card from you, we just wanted to give you the opportunity to cancel any checks that you may have included.”?
Just writing that out made me feel awkward. Cause what if they didn’t do a check but cash? Or what if it was a guest who stole them? Or what if they didn’t give anything, then they have to admit it to you?
I feel like it’s a lose lose situation. 🙁
In the end, i’d prolly call anyone i was super close with and just ask, did you leave a card? cause someone stole a bunch! and let it spread word of mouth.
Post # 14
I would send a letter (handwritten) to every single person that you did not recieve a gift from. I would word it accordingly:
On 08/01/13 myself and husband recieved confirmation that a large number of cards and gifts were stolen from the bridal suite. We are reviewing security policies with our venue. However, this puts us in the unfortunate position of having to reach out to guests whose bank accounts or personal info may have been compromised as a result of the theft. If you notice any suspicious activity on your checking account, or if you would like to confirm that we have recieved a gift on your behalf, please feel free to reach us at the below telephone number.
We are so sorry that this happened, and wanted all of our guests to have the opportunity to protect their financial information.
This way it isn’t about not getting a gift, but about protecting their piece of mind. The ones that want to reach out to you about making sure you got the gift will, and the ones who didn’t give anything will not. Problem solved!
Post # 15
@iarebridezilla: That’s a good idea. I was thinking of still sending the thank you but not mentioning any gift at all and see if they respond.
@Miss Leopard: I am really thinking now that it will be awkward if we sent a message directly. We were thinking of asking our greeter to send the letter.
Post # 16
I would just drop it. Some people don’t give gifts and sometimes these people can be the closest ones, but if you really want to, Miss Leopard’s message is a good one. I wouldn’t be too upset reading it.