misread the signs and now feeling fairly miserable!

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3896 posts
Honey bee

@mollypuppy:  Oh that sucks. I don’t want to get your hopes up but do you think it may happen when you are away with friends? Excellent time to celebrate? Maybe he doesn’t want to make plans on Friday and spend money because this weekend will be a big blow out? Maybe he will suprise you on Friday and is trying to throw you off track. I didn’t see your previous post but maybe it is coming soon but he is trying to divert your attention to make it all the more of a suprise??? Any way, even if it doesn’t happen I hope you have a lovely weekend with your friends and SO.

Post # 4
Member
5087 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

Try not to stress, I know it’s easier said than done. Please just try and enjoy the time with your SO, you’ll appreciate those time spent together when wedding planning fever hits. I hope you proposal happens soon. 

Post # 5
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ohhhh that is hard, but as the other bees said, that doesn’t mean it is not coming 🙂

But honestly, I just can’t understand this surprise thing that guys want to achieve so much… I mean most of the time the girl know, her and her SO have agreed to get engaged, she picked (or helped) a ring… As you probably know, after we got the ring, I told my SO that wouldn’t do, I couldn’t feel miserable like that every special date or weekend and I would definitely NOT stop thinking about it, who the heck could????? We had agreed to get engaged, he had said he was ready after 5 months of getting ready, we had bought the ring… how can it be a surprise? But most importantly, WHY in the world should it be a surprise? I never understood that, and I still don’t! Feels to me that guys think that if we wait soooo long, we’ll just be so happy it happened that we will be eternally grateful or what?? So anyway, we had pick an engagement date together and it didn’t ruin anything, far from it! That day was magical, we were on a cloud all day, knowing it would come, and the weeks before were sooo exciting! No more disappointment! I am not telling you to do that, of course, I read enough posts to know that most guys would not agree to that (but I would have refused to get engaged to my SO if he hadn’t come up with that compromise LOL). I just can’t understand why the guys have to be such control freaks (and please, bees, don’t tell me the girl gets the wedding… it is just a ceremony to plan, NOT a wait for the other to tell you he loves you enough to spend his life with you!)

So anyway, I really, really hope he doesn’t make you wait too long! If he is not ready, that is one thing, but if he has the ring and that is a question of a surprise… well, tell him you would be surprised that he does it as soon as he gets the ring! 😉

Post # 7
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@mollypuppy:  Well, I was direct, but my SO, although he completely sees my point and agrees with me now, had a hard time at the beginning. We argued until 2am one night about this! And we had talked about it a few times before! The breakthrough came the day after the 2am argument, when I told him not to propose in the next few months, because I would say no. I still loved him, but I just knew I was not ready to marry a guy who considered I could just be left out of such an important life decision as getting engaged to spend our lives together. I was now the one who needed time to think about this. And I meant it. I told him that during his holidays at his parents this summer (we both live a few thousands miles away from our parents) he should revisit his “traditions” and tell me when he comes back why it is so important and if everyone back there really cared how he asked me and that I knew or not about it. When he heard that, he realized how much this whole thing was about us, the two of us, no one else. Not the family, not the tradition, not just himself, but us. 

Some nice bees said I achieved something, but I don’t see it that way. I didn’t demand to pick a date together. I just told him that I couldn’t accept to be kept completely away from such a decision. And he understood. He came up with the idea of picking a date together and still have a proposal planned by him, so we would both participate, because I would pick the day, and tell him what I would like in general or absolutely not wanted him to do (public proposal, etc). It was totally a mutal celebration, and I loved every minute of it. I write all this because it pains me to see so many bees waiting and thinking that they don’t even have the right to say something. Sometimes, the guy is just caught up in what he thinks he should do. I don’t know, I just wish so much that the bees who want things to be different could feel like they have the right to not only wish that, but ask for it too.

Sorry for the long post. I really hope your SO proposes soon, and that you are back in your normal life (enjoying dates, planning stuff, etc 🙂 

Post # 8
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@mollypuppy:  I know it’s frustrating, but hang in there.  Maybe I’m the wrong bee to write to this about you…because I honestly feel more often than not I’m the bee that has to remind other bees that your time is coming!!!  My SO is not anywhere near proposing, not looking at rings, it’s not in his timeline anytime soon…Just try to be patient, stop looking for it, and at least have faith that you know it is coming 🙂  I’m jealous of you in a good way and WISH I had your problems 😀  Good luck!!

Post # 9
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@soupir:  This is so great. SO and I agreed together that we want to get engaged as well. We also agreed on like a 5 day span so he could still pick a day and surprise me with the official proposal once we get the ring. BUT he’s thrown me for a loop now–we might get the ring several weeks before that suggested date, and he thinks it would be silly to wait (“what’s the point in waiting if I already have the ring?”)…so I think we will have to revisit the conversation once the ring arrives (it’s currently in production). While it’s great that he wants to do it as soon as possible (!!), I would like to have som approximate heads up so I don’t go crazy!

I really like the idea of planning everything together. I know there’s that expectation that the guy has to surprise the girl, but I agree with you that we should have equal participation in something that affects us just as much.

 

OP, best of luck with your situation. I know it’s tough when they won’t talk about it–my SO only opened up just a few weeks ago. Hopefully he’ll come around soon and you can get on with planning the next phase of your lives!

Post # 10
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@pineapplez17:   I loved how you said that when the ring comes, you two will have to revisit the conversation. To me, that sounds like you are still together in this process, since you will talk about it again and possibly agree on a new 5 day span 🙂

The date we picked was several weeks after we got the ring, and we did it for many reasons (wouldn’t conflit with a good friend’s birthday, it was a weekend with nothing planned that we could keep free and enjoy by ourselves, etc). So when we got invited for that weekend, we would just say we had plans and smiled at each other 🙂 It was awesome!!! (Although one perceptive friend totally guessed what it was haha!)

So keep talking about it, and make plans together, and come to a compromise ( I knew a schedule of the day, like biking, dining, and a surprise, but I didn’t where those things would take place). It is so much fun to do this as a team! Have fun, and I can’t wait to hear you got engaged!! I always like to hear about you (we all have our few favorite stories to follow haha)

Post # 12
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@soupir:  My thoughts for the 5 day span were because it seemed like perfect timing (right after my summer classes end, and we would be heading home and seeing our families right after, and then doing my family’s annual camping trip–perfect for celebrating), but if he wants to propose to me sooner, who am I to argue with that? lol

The problem now is I don’t quite know when the ring will be in! I’ll know when it comes, because he’ll have to work from home that day, but now it’s all way more up in the air! Regardless, it will happen no later than 6.5 weeks from now, so that’s not too bad of a window anyway! yay!

And don’t worry–I’ll keep posting updates! 🙂

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