(Closed) Miss Manners bashes DW’s!

posted 8 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oooh a little snark from MM on the theme wedding question!

Post # 4
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Well, maybe it’s true that the location is more important than the invite list, but how would that be wrong. It’s just a different choice.
Getting married is about celebrating your love and making a commitment to each other.
One could argue that having a local wedding with many invitees is “just to put on a show” and make it clear that you have the budget for all kinds of luxuries (I am exagerating here, no offence!)
Miss Manners should maybe learn that passing judgement on people’s very personal choices on how they want to commit to each other is a lack of manners.

Post # 5
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

ahahahahaha. Funny response on themed weddings. Cracked me up.

Post # 7
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m having a DW.  I only sent out 35 invites, only two declined.  The DW madae it a hundred times easier not to invite those relatives that we only see at say weddings or funerals and include those friends of our that would make it to the wedding even if we decided to have it on the moon!

Post # 8
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I feel like if the bride in question for the DW hadn’t blatantly told someone they were expecting 50 guests but inviting 375 then it wouldn’t be as much of a faux pas. There’s no reason to tell anyone that. That was just a dumb move. And I thought in general people having DWs had small guest lists – am I wrong on that?

Post # 9
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Ugh, I hate it when people judge couples on their wedding location choice. Like, either you can attend and make a vacation out of it, or you can’t. Who the heck cares!? The wedding day, while about families coming together, are mainly about the couple, and people need to respect that.

If I ever get a DW invitation and I can’t go, I’ll just say, “That’s too bad” and go on with life – no judgement passed on how the couple chose to celebrate. Many of my family members who are not yet engaged have said they want destination weddings, and for a close family member, I would be there with bells on barring any major illnesses or severe unforeseen blows to my bank account.

Post # 10
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

Interesting post.  It was very funny because a friend of ours is inviting 150 people to a DW and anticipating 75, but made sure to tell us about where they were registered.  DW put a huge financial burden on friends and family, if you can afford to pay for those nearest and dearest, by all means, it can be a cost effective and beautiful way to do things.  Thinking your friends will be excited to shell out $4000 to attend your wedding and have a “holiday” built in is selfish and unrealistic.  I like to pick our own vacation locals thanks!

Post # 11
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I mostly agree with MM- inviting 375 people and expecting 50 is a little odd. I’m guessing the bride and groom were not inviting 375 close family members and friends 🙂 Perhaps a marriage announcement would have been more appropiate after the wedding?

  I disagree with her slightly snide comment “location matters more than the guest list”.. I don’t think it matters where a couple gets married, it is their choice (and really cool!).We wanted to do a DW wedding, but the budget wouldn’t allow us to pay for both the wedding and our guests travel expenses so we got married local.  As for the last question, both Ms. Manners and the asker are a little caddy. If people want to have a pirate themed wedding- who are they to judge?

Post # 12
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Literally the ONLY time when I think it’s not OK for a couple to have a DW is if a member or members of the IMMEDIATE family of the bride and groom are too ill/elderly to travel and they know this when they are planning the wedding. Like, there’s no way my grandma would be able to travel to a DW and I would never in a million years put her in that position even if my dream my entire life since I was a little girl was to get married in some English castle or the beach in Hawaii or wherever. But that’s just my opinion.

Post # 13
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I used to really enjoy reading Miss Manners but not so much lately – she’s not very mannerly. I like reading Prudie a lot better, since the author behind that one isn’t such a stuck up bitchy grandma.

Post # 15
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@Kittyachi: our guest list was bigger than what we actually expected, because my DH didn’t want anyone to feel left out. His argument was: if they can come and would like to take a vacation with us, who would we be to choose for them by not inviting?

@Pugsandkisses: yes it is possible for people to make a vacation out of it, and those who didn’t wish to take a vacation at our locale just answered “no” and those who came had a blast.

That being said, we carefully chose our wording in our invites, so that people would NOT be guilted into coming. It was more like, hey, if you want to come for vacation, we’re organising a group thing, and we’ll get married during that trip. Can’t remember the precise words and it was way less casual obviously, but no one felt like they HAD to come. And we have had friends who replied No and went to other vacation places like, the week after. We didn’t take offense at all, because we weren’t getting married to have the biggest guest list possible.

We enjoyed quality time with each of our guests and it was amazing.

Post # 16
Member
722 posts
Busy bee

I actually agree with her. It is inappropriate to invite 325 people they don’t expect to attend. If the majority of their guest list can’t come then either a) they should change their wedding plans or b) their list is completely padded with people that aren’t very important to them.

Yes, a couple does have the right to do whatever they want, but if they  don’t care about their guests they should just elope.

 

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