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Miss Manners on Same-Sex Marriage

posted 2 years ago in LGBTQ
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    1.
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    Sugar bee
    2dBride    October 6, 2009   Washington, DC.

    For anyone who missed today's Miss Manners column, I thought I'd preserve it here.

    Dear Miss Manners:

    My partner of 18 years and I traveled to Des Moines, Iowa, where we were married. I am overjoyed that our relationship is recognized legally, even if it is not in our home state.

    When we crossed the Mississippi River on the way home from our wedding, we were once again single, at least in the eyes of the law.

    I have always introduced Rick as my "partner" but would now like to use the term "husband," just like the rest of the legally married world.

    Is it appropriate for me to say "husband," even when we are standing in a spot where that is not true? Is it a term I should use only in places where our marriage is recognized? Am I wrong in wanting somehow to indicate that the legal status of our relationship has changed?

    Please calm down -- wedding jitters should be over by now.

    If you are going to consider yourselves married or unmarried every time you cross a border, you are going to drive yourselves -- and everyone you meet -- crazy. You got married, and are each other's husbands. Miss Manners congratulates you.

     
    2.
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    Buzzing bee
    monitajb    July 17, 2010   Sacramento

    Cool

     
    3.
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    Bee Keeper
    lilyfaith    June 23, 2012   Lakeview, Chicago

    Good for her. I agree 100%.

     
    4.
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    Honey bee
    OttawaBride2011    May 21, 2011   Ottawa, Ontario

    I agree 100%!!

     
    5.
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    Bee Keeper
    jordynrose    October 16, 2010   Las Vegas, NV/Chandler, AZ

    Amen to that!

     
    6.
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    Bumble bee
    SweetAdelineXO    June 5, 2010   NJ

    Cheers!

     
    7.
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    Bumble bee
    Chillmer    May 30, 2010   Milwaukee

    Aw.  Miss Manners has gotten so progressive lately.

     
    8.
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    Bumble bee
    Chillmer    May 30, 2010   Milwaukee

    (I meant that in a good way!)

     
    9.
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    Buzzing bee
    vistagirl    march , 2010   Oregon

    yay!!!! I love it that miss manners gets it, this makes me feel good about other miss manners opinions!

     
    10.
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    Sugar bee
    troubled      

    I asked my coworker about this because they had a marriage ceremony but she still calls her 'partner'.  I'm like why don't you call her your 'wife' then and she said because it's not legal and so it sticks out more and might raise awareness.  But I was thinking if she just said 'wife' people would more likely to put a face to gay marriage and be more accepting.  I donno but I agree with Miss Manners.

     
    11.
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    Honey bee
    Amaryllis    July 2, 2011  

    Agree with Miss Manners! Yay!

     
    12.
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    Bumble bee
    JustlikeHeaven    March 6, 2009  

    Cute!

     
    13.
    3,234 posts
    Sugar bee
    Kittyachi    August 2010   New York

    Awesome!

     
    14.
    Hostess
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    Bumble
    Beekeeper
    Mrs. DG    July 18, 2009   Seattle/Tahoe

    Though I call my husband partner as well.  I just like the term better :)

     
    15.
    Hostess
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    Buzzing bee
    redherring    September 11, 2010   Pittsburgh, PA

    Awesome. And I agree with troubled - I think there's something even more powerful about someone in a same-sex couple referring to their lifetime SO as "wife" or "husband". Plus, if they went through the gauntlet of planning a wedding, legal or not, they should be able to use the terminology!

     
    16.
    Member
    1,071 posts
    Bumble bee
    jedeve    August 14, 2010   Montana

    I agree. I think using wife or husband instead of partner seems to say "this is the status I choose, not the one that was given to me." I'm heterosexual, and I know plenty of heterosexual couples who use the term "partner" to denote a long-term boyfriend/girlfriend whom they aren't married to. I think husband/wife has that special terminology that implies you've stood up and made a public commitment to each other. If you got married, be married!! Go Miss Manners!

     
    17.
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    Blushing bee
    starr_bee    June 20, 2010  

    Right now I use partner, but once we're married (we're hetero) I'll use husband.  I would expect my gay friends to do the same, but it's their choice in the end.  Yay, for Miss Manners though.  To be honest, I'm pleasantly surprised by her response.

     
    18.
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    Buzzing bee
    vintage2010    April 10, 2010  

    I like her response.

     
    19.
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    Buzzing
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    daydreamwanderer       DC

    She.is.awesome. :D

     
    20.
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    Buzzing bee
    babyboo      

    I like :D

     
    21.
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    Worker bee
    FutureMrs.Awesome    July 3, 2010   San Luis Obispo

    love the advice!!!!

     
    22.
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    Buzzing bee
    caitlanc    September 12, 2009   Western Slope of Colorado

    Hooray!  I love it!  Good for Miss Manners!  :-)

     
    23.
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    Bumble bee
    Toffee    January 15, 2011   Hayden, Id

    I'm not surprised by her response at all. She's very much a no-nonsense type of person.

     
    24.
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    Blushing bee
    corleycolorado    September 4, 2011   denver

    as it should be!! congrats!

     
    25.
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    Busy bee
    Vonnegurl    June 12, 2010  

    Love it!

     

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