Post # 1
My fiancé’s cousin’s (whom he is close to) wife is seriously considering skipping our wedding ceremony and possibly reception to work. She started an amateur photography business and has the opportunity to shoot a wedding for $1,000 on our wedding day.
Not only is her husband an usher in our wedding, but also when they got married a few years ago my soon-to-be husband was an usher in their wedding and we both assisted in the day from start to finish.
What really bothers me is that this is in no way short notice. They have known the wedding date for a year and a half. Plus, if this were her family it wouldn’t matter if it were a $10,000 offer, she’d be there. I have always felt she was insincere and fake when it comes to her husband’s side if the family, and this just proved it. At this point I almost don’t care if she comes, because I feel like the damage is done since there never should have even been a question.
What are your thoughts?
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I think it’s crappy, honestly.
I used to be a freelance designer, so I understand the “take work when you can because you don’t know when you’ll get another job,” but it bugs me that she’d give up your wedding for another. My FSIL’s husband may not be able to make it to ours because of work, but we knew up front that he was going to be a maybe (works in film).
That said- in a way, she’s not that close of a relative for it to matter. Her husband’s not the best man, he’s an usher. And their financial situation might be one that they NEED this money.
Post # 4
Really rude, who told you she was planning to do this? Does she know when she has made up her mind so that you dont waste any time or money on having her there?
Post # 5
I think it’s a bit much to say she’s proved that she’s fake and insincere because she’s skipping one wedding. Obviously I can only go on what you’ve said, but she’s not forbidding her husband to go or anything terrible like that and she’s giving you plenty of notice. I’ve had to skip family member’s weddings for work and school commitments, and we had family members (from both sides) not come to our wedding. I understand it’s upsetting when someone you think should be at your wedding tells you they may not make it. Maybe they need the money? Either way, if she doesn’t come, she doesn’t come. If that’s the worst thing that happens or annoys you during the planning process, consider yourself lucky! :p
Post # 6
Honestly? (Please don’t hate me!) I don’t see what the big deal is. Maybe they need the money. If she’s trying to build her business up, shooting this wedding could be a very big deal for her. I get it’s your special day, but this is her career!
You honestly probably won’t even notice she’s absent! Would you rather her lie and RSVP “yes,” and fail to attend? If she’s trying to keep this a secret and pull the ‘ol no-show, well then that is pretty shitty. But you can’t really criticize guests for RSVPing No.
Post # 7
Honestly I think your really overreacting. It’s not like it’s his sister or anything. Her husband is in the wedding not her. She is probably just excited to get a job and I don’t think that makes her fake. Not everyone is going to be as excited or make it the priority that you do. 🙁
Post # 8
This cousin is very close family to my soon-to-be husband. They see each other weekly, and he would have actually been a groomsman. The problem was that it would have meant adding several more cousins and my soon-to-be husband already has a lot of groomsmen. Plus, he was an usher in this cousin’s wedding for the same reason, so he really couldn’t complain.
My point being these are not relatives we never see. We spend a lot of time together. I threw his wife (who is considering skipping the wedding) her baby shower with her mother-in-law. It is a small family, so everyone is quite tight.
On another note, yes they could use the money. At the same time this couple rushed into marriage and babies without any consideration to their financial situation. Believe me they have taken thousands of dollars in handouts from the family as a result. All in all they have made countless horrific financial decisions (that would take too long to list) over the years that others have cleaned up for them, so at this point it is no excuse.
Post # 9
I think you sound pretty judgemental and need to let this one go. You keep talking about how close the boys are. That has nothing to do with her. She gets to choose if she wants to attend or not.
Post # 10
This wouldn’t be a big deal to me, to be honest.
Post # 11
It doesn’t seem like you two are close, so I would let this slide. You DH is close to his cousin, who is going to be there. That’s what is important.
If I were trying to start a business, and I had to choose between working and attending the wedding of someone I am not close to, I would certainly choose work.
Their choice to rush into marriage/having babies was their choice, not yours. Would you want to be judged as harshly as you are judging them/her?
Post # 12
I would never blame someone for missing my wedding because they had to work – particularly if they’re as financially hard up as you’re suggesting. in fact, given how angry you are about their financial choices, it seems like you should be happy she’s taking a step in the right direction.
Besides, I don’t know what the big deal is – the cousin is coming, and it sounds like he’s the one your FI is close to, not the wife.
Post # 13
You don’t know their financial situation. They may really need the money. It sounds like the person that really needs to be there is the cousin which he will be and if he is ok with his wife missing the wedding then you should let it go.
Post # 14
@Filmnut88: Maybe they are trying to earn $ the honest way now, instead of taking handouts? I don’t think it’s fair to judge them on “rushing marriage and babies.”
I get where you’re coming from, really. But at the end of the day you can’t force everyone to come to your wedding – even if your soon-to-be-husband and her husband are super close.
I’m trying not to sound harsh, I get this is the most important day of your life – but to them it’s probably just a wedding. It’s hard to see this as the bride, I know, but not everyone may be as excited as you. Life does go on!
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
If she was already established, I bet she would have passed on the job. As new to the game, she needs to take work to get work. It’s a bummer, but I wouldn’t feel badly about it.
She’s going to be working her tail off instead of enjoying a wedding as a guest. She isn’t going to be kicking back.
Post # 16
@Filmnut88: you are overreacting,