Missing baby "firsts"

posted 2 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
8390 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

cora_123:  *HUGS* Sorry that you feel this way, but at least now with video and pictures you can still see what happened.  I’m not a working mom, so I can’t really advise you on how to deal with this, but I definitely don’t think you’re silly for feeling this way (I’m sure a lot of working moms share the same feelings).  Hopefully you’ll get to see many of your baby’s other milestones in person 🙂

Post # 3
41 posts
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am a working mom too and honestly, it just kind of comes with the territory so I dont focus on it at all.  Overall, in the whole realm of things I find missing first really doesnt matter so much as my little guy is progressing and reaching milestones as he should. While I dnot think it is silly to be sad over, just try looking at the bigger picture of your little one growing up.

Post # 4
992 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

cora_123:  My daycare has a policy where they don’t tell you about your baby reaching a milestone until you mention it to them. Therefore, as far as I know, the first time I see my baby do anything is his first! Sure, he may have giggled at daycare, or while he was alone in his crib, or in his pack ‘n ‘ play while I was in the other room making dinner, but when I first heard him giggle, it was his first, end of story!!

Maybe have a discussion with your childcare provider about something similar?

Post # 5
7198 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I only work 2 days a week and I’m still sad when I miss things! DH works a lot, so I made sure to get video of her crawling for the first time and other firsts. He also facetimes is when he’s working. He still gets really sad when he misses “firsts”. It’s a normal thing to be upset about.

Post # 6
187 posts
Blushing bee

cora_123:  It sucks. I know it does, maybe ask whoever is taking care of your babe to not mention any firsts to you, let you mention it first. I’m going to ask my daycare to do this.

Post # 7
42182 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It is hard to miss the “firsts”. When my kids were little I comforted myself with the thought that as a single parent, I was working to prevent them from having other firsts. They never experienced their first day without a meal, their first day with no clothes or shoes to wear, their first time going to bed hungry etc.

Post # 8
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My first thought was that maybe you could intentionally not find out about the firsts from daycare, like ExcitedScaredBee:  said.  Then the first time you see it will be the first for you and you can enjoy it more.  I plan to go back to work at 12 weeks so that is how I intend to deal with it anyway!  I’m sure it will be hard, though.

Post # 9
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

cora_123: That is a huge bummer 🙁

Don’t know if this puts it in perspective or sounds annoying, but when I first saw your post I thought of a family member who is going to miss out on the entire month 1-2.5 of his first baby’s life because of work, being in another location and on the job the whole time. It could be worse! 

Post # 10
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I specifically told my sitter not to tell me if she does anything for the first time while I’m not there!!!! But regardless, even if you stayed at home with your LO, there will always be a first you might miss, even if you are standing right there.  My DD was about to roll from back to tummy and was trying for like 20 minutes. I went to the bathroom and came back she was on her belly. Then, she did it again and it wasn’t the first time she did it, but it was the first time I saw it and it was still great!

Post # 11
2507 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

cora_123:  My mom was a SAHM, but she missed my little brother’s first steps! She had a doctor’s appointment and had left us with our favorite baby-sitter. She was so sad even though our baby-sitter got it on video. Anyways, my point is unless you are with your baby 24/7, it happens. Don’t feel bad about working!!!!

Post # 12
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

cora_123:  Hugs to you, mama! If you’re silly for feeling that way, then so am I. I came back to work on Monday and as I was literally walking out the door, baby had his first giggles–for my SIL. I stopped to listen for a few seconds, but started bawling as soon as I shut the door behind me.

Aaaand he’s only rolled over once before (weeks ago), and when I got home, she told me had rolled over several times (and he did again that night with ease, so I believe her). Phooey. Of *course* it was the exact day I went back to work! Sigh.

Post # 13
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

i’m so sorry! I was planning on writing a post about this topic also. It makes me cry just to think about having to go back to work. I am very fortunate that I don’t have to go back to work until the end of August because I am a teacher, but I am already really sad about having to go back at all. In the short term I worry about her taking a bottle, since she doesn’t seem to want one. It breaks my heart to think that she will go hungry. I also then worry that once she takes a bottle, she won’t want to nurse any more. Beyond that, I also have long term worries. I have so many worries beyond just missing her firsts. I worry that she will think I abandoned her or that she will become more attached to my parents (they will be watching her) than to me since she will end up seeing them more often than me. I know that these are all irrational fears, but they are what keep me up at night right now. 

So obviously I am quite upset about the whole thing. Sorry to go on a rant in the middle of your thread 🙁 DH keeps reminding me that I have gotten more time then most moms which I am greatful for, but it still doesn’t make me any less sad. I will miss her so much. 

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