(Closed) Missing Bridesmaid

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Ooh, this is a toughie. Unfortunately there’s not much you can do except leave a VM, Email and Facebook message with a deadline to buy the dress. As long as she’s alive, she will get the messages and decide what she wants to do.

That is actually what I’m doing with one of my unresponsive BM’s. She was married 3 months ago and is happy, but I have a sneaking suspicion she is super jealous of my wedding and new job so is therefore reluctant to be involved. I’ve tried everything and she does eventually respond every month or so, but it’s a sentence or two and always complaining about money. Doesn’t answer any of the questions I asked in my emails or voicemails. So I gave them all a date of Jan 16th as a deadline to order the dress, will send a reminder in a week or so and see what happens!

Post # 4
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Can you drop by her house and check on her? I’d be worried, considering what happened. It might also be time to have a very sensitive heart to heart about whether or not she can handle this right now.. it honestly sounds like she can’t, and rightly so. Poor girl. 🙁

Post # 5
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh yikes, that is a rought situation!! People may disagree with me, but I would count on her not attending, especially if she is not returning any of your phone calls, etc. She sounds like she is still grieving her loss and anything wedding just reminds her of the horrible situation she went through.

It sounds like you are a super understanding friend. If it were me, I would order the dresses for the other ladies, and just leave her dress out. I think she will come around and respond to your messages in time, and you guys can discuss her role in the wedding at that point. If it is no longer possible for her to be a bridesmaid, perhaps have her do a reading, or another role, if she decides to come to the wedding.

Post # 6
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think you should give this girl an out. She clearly doesn’t want to be a BM anymore given her situation, which is totally understandable. I would find it incredibly difficult to be a BM fairly soon after I’d been left at the altar. I’m sure it has nothing to do with you but instead her personal circumstances. Why don’t you just say, Look I know you’ve been going through a lot and if you just can’t deal with this right now I totally understand but I do need to know because I have to get dresses – or something like that.

Post # 7
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Oh, that poor woman! I’m guessing that at this point you’re not sure that she still wants to be in your wedding, yes? I would think that next to determining if she’s okay, that should be the first thing that you ascertain. To be honest, if my FI had left me at the altar I’d be majorly bummed out at the prospect of talking to someone who’s wedding I’m supposed to be in, and I’d avoid it like the plague. I’m thinking you shouldn’t mention anything wedding related to start. This really should be about her and making sure that she’s all right and that you’re there for her, and, then later letting her know that it’s okay if she doesn’t want to be in the wedding party. I know that you need to order dresses and whatnot, but if you order a dress that isn’t going to be worn…

Post # 10
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Oy. No kidding. Let us know what happens!

Post # 11
Member
2462 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i’d be really, really careful about how you word offering her an “out”–i’d be worried about her taking it like you’re kicking her out, especially since she’s probably really sensitve right now (i know i would be). maybe try and get in touch with her about non-wedding related things, like just that you’re checking in on her or something, to feel her out, or if you know anyone who would have been in touch with her, see if they know what’s up… honestly, of course ordering the dresses is a big deal, but i think making sure she’s okay is a higher priority

Post # 12
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Oh good! Keep us updated. I havent’ decided to give my BM an out yet as I think that might upset her, but hoping my deadline strategy will work. They usually do.

Post # 15
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Oh good!! Sucks that d-bag is still messing with her life, but I’m glad she’s okay and is still going to be in your wedding!

The topic ‘Missing Bridesmaid’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors