Post # 1
I’ve posted on here before but I’m under a new username since I don’t want to link this post with all of those. So.
BF and I broke up about a month and a half ago after 2 years. Both he and I thought we were going to get married. But life has a way of changing things.
In essence we’re at different places in our lives right now. I know its so cliche, but its true. Basically what happened is this: BF graduated from grad school in May and we both moved to a new town over the summer — I got an internship and he was going to look for work since this is where he wanted to end up anyway. Prior to that we were long distance (about 2.5 hours) and saw each other every other week. We moved in together and besides from some bumpy times things were going well…except for the fact that BF didn’t find a job. I paid for everything over the summer, with the exception of some groceries, since I had the salary. After the summer, de decided to stay in the new town, rented his own apartment with help from his parents (since the lease on our summer place was up) while I moved back to where my grad school is. I was offered a full time job at the place I interned so I ended up moving back to the new town, but because I have a cat and because I wanted more space than that in BF’s apartment, I rented my own with the understanding that he would move in when he got a job so he could split expenses with me.
Well, BF still doesn’t have a job and it was causing incredible stress on me. I didn’t want to take him to events with me since I was now in a pretty important position and felt it looked bad on me to have him in tow and be like “yea, this is my unemployed boyfriend.” All the while we were talking of getting married, having long discussions about whether I’d change my name and plans for when we’d get engaged (he wanted to wait until I was done with school). Finally the stress of all of it — my new job, still going to school, and the fact that I felt like I was carrying his unemployment on my back got to me and I needed to put the brakes on things. I felt like we had moved backwards in our relationship and were on hold because of the fact he didn’t have a job. So we broke up.
BF and I had been friends for years before we started dating and so he initially said he wanted to maintain friendship but then emailed me to tell me he couldn’t be my friend right now but wanted to email on a weekly basis to just see what’s new. At first I was really taken aback by this, and was pretty angry at it, but now I just want to talk to him. Oh, and he still hasn’t taken down the “In a Relationship” thing on Facebook (I took mine down) which is silly, but its curious…
Things haven’t changed. He still doesn’t have a job and I still don’t think we can move forward. But I still have this hope in the back of my mind that things will work out, he will find a good job and we will move forward. I’m being encouraged to sign up for online dating or go to speed dating things — I’ve been to a couple but all I really want is BF, sigh. It’s really hard to go from wanting to marry someone to not talking to them.
Sigh, I just needed to get that out…
Post # 3
Well, look at it this way. At least now you know it wouldn’t have been for better or worse 🙂
If you are basing your relationship off of his employment status, then he is clearly not the man for you.
It’ll be ok 🙂
Post # 4
Is there a reason other than the unemployment…seems a little harsh to break up if that is the only reason? Was he actively trying to find a job or was he being lazy? My FI is also unemployed right now, but I don’t think it reflects bad on me. The economy is bad and it can take a while to find something.
Post # 5
It’s always good to focus on yourself before of taking care of others. Taking care of number one is never a sin.
Post # 6
You broke up with him mainly over his employment status. He was not the one for you. You broke up with him.
Post # 7
Let me ask you this … if you were married to him and he lost his job, would you have divorced him?
And, if the roles were reversed and you lost your job, would he have dumped you because (in YOUR words) “it looked bad” for him at office parties??
Did it ever occur to you that office functions are great places for people to network? You could’ve taken your unemployed BF to an office party and he might’ve connected with someone and got a job.
Marriage is for better or worse and, believe me, there is potential to face far worse than unemployment in a marriage. And, you never know when someone (your spouse or you) will become unemployed. It happens. It’s been happening a LOT lately, too. Your BF isn’t the only person unemployed.
If having someone constantly employed is that important to you, good luck. Because you never know when that bottom might fall out.
Post # 8
I totally agree with BanditGirl. Sadly unemployment is not a rarity in this country, especially for people just graduating. I know a lot of people who graduated in May and are still looking for jobs.
Were there other contributing factors to why you guys broke up? If it was only problems arising from him not having a job, I would try to talk to him and figure things out. Life isn’t easy. There are ups and downs, and I know that in those down times is when I need my fiance the most. In good, in bad, in sickness, and in health, right?
Post # 9
I agree with a lot of the other posters. I hope there were other factors besides him not having a job. I’ve been jobless/working part time for a few months now and my DH has been nothing but supportive. As a teacher who was laid off, I can tell you a lot of people are unemployed right now. I can also tell you that it messes with your self-esteem. I’ve also gone through some minor depression as well. My point is, it’s a tough economy, and marriage is for better or for worse. That includes unemployment. Now if he’s not doing anything towards getting a job that’s one thing, but if he’s having trouble finding a job…well I wouldn’t think people would think badly of you at parties, but who cares if they do?
Post # 10
The big issue for me would be 1) how hard is he trying to find work? Granted, it’s tough out there for recent grads, but way harder for older workers & I know plenty of them who got downsized out of jobs who manage to find work.
2) Is he willing to accept work “beneath” his education/skills just to bring in some money & contribute to expenses?
If he wasn’t doing both, I’d be outta there too.
As for not taking him to events, I go to events with notable people & would never have hesitated to bring my then FH along after he got laid off! I’m not ashamed of him!
Being out of work in this economy is nothing to be ashamed of. Not taking steps to get work & contribute to expenses is shameful