Post # 1
Just wanted to vent a little before calling it a night.. So my mom passed away 4 years ago yesterday.. Yeah sucks cause we buried her xmas eve and all. But thinking of the wedding and not having her sometimes gets me pretty down in the dumps and I try really hard to not dwell on it. I know I am not alone so please if you are in this position what do you do to get you through it? Thanks bees for letting me vent 🙂 8 months to go…
Post # 3
Hi Staci – I am in a simliar position. My mom died December 21, 2003 – we buried her this day 6 years ago. Since getting engaged I am really starting to miss her all over again. It is really hard especially around the holidays – this year we are spending the whole holidays with my FH’s family – I am not sure how I am going to handle it because of the loss. This is the first year since her passing that I have embraced Christmas again (I think it is because of your little puppy and celebrating her first Christmas – she brings us so much joy) My mother loved Christmas and would always decorate the house and have her little villages out – this year I am just going to try and remember that she loved this holiday and that I should celebrate it to honor her. I am really worried about once the wedding day comes closer how much it will affect me not having her there to share everything with. Good luck with your celebrations.
Post # 4
I can’t say that I am able to fully understand your situation, but I will say that both of your moms will be in my prayers tonight, and that I hope you are able to relive wonderful memories of them this holiday weekend.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry about the loss of your mother– that must be incredibly difficult. What helps me is looking back through photos and talking over good memories and laughing with my brothers and sister. (We didn’t lose our mother, but someone very close.) Is there a way you can incorporate honoring your mother into your ceremony? For me, I had one of my Nana’s daughters read “i carry your heart” by ee cummings during the ceremony, and they gave me an old broach of hers to pin to my bouquet, so I could have a piece of her with me on the day.
What also could be helpful is maybe to just write a letter to your mom. I know it sounds silly, since you can’t send it, but it’s helpful to get all the words out on paper, to help you process through some of the grief. Good luck!
Post # 6
Staci and Pammy, I truly believe that our loved ones are always with us. There will be moments when you feel their presence. You will know when. A certain song on the radio, or a scent of their favorite perfume. Their love has never left you, it’s in your heart forever. I wish I could be there to give you a “mom” hug. I will definetly hug my daughters a little closer this Christmas because of your posts.
Post # 7
My grandfather (who is the closest male figure I had most of my life) passed away 3 days before Thanksgiving in 2005 and was cremated and the memorial was about 2.5 weeks before Christmas. I agree that this time of year and wedding planning definitely makes things harder but I keep thinking about how happy he’d be for me and how he wouldnt want me upset during this important time in my life… As hard as it is sometimes all we can do is just keep on keepin on
Post # 8
Hi Staci – *hug* I’m right there with you. My dad died when I was four, and I always assumed that my mom would walk me down the aisle. After surviving breast cancer, she died of pancreatic cancer on 3/4/05. At every life milestone I’ve reached since then (graduation, cross-country move, my first “real” job, getting engaged), I thought I couldn’t possibly miss her more. But wow, planning a wedding is really one of the ultimate “I WANT MY MOMMY” occasions.
What’s helping for me is trying to find meaningful but subtle ways of incorporating her into the ceremony. Doing anything really heavy-handed would just make me sob, and the only tears I want to shed on that day are ones of happiness. My mom really liked butterflies – I have wonderful memories of going to the zoo’s special butterfly exhibit with her. Two years after she died, I got a tattoo of a butterfly on my left shoulder blade, and one of my stipulations for choosing a dress was that it not cover my tattoo at all. I’m also incorporating butterflies in my bouquet. My mom was also a huge Queen fan – she loved Freddie Mercury. For my processional, I’ve chosen “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”, which is upbeat enough that I think I’ll make it down the aisle without crying. Our recessional song will be “You’re My Best Friend”, and I’ll explain the significance of both songs in our programs.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Back when my mom died, one of my friends had recently lost her father, and I remember her telling me that someone told her that it would take five years before it felt like life was back to normal. Well, it’s been almost five years, and I still want to call her all the time. But I know that my mom would want me to have a fulfilling life, an awesome wedding, and a fantastic holiday. I suspect your mom would feel the same way.
Post # 9
So I just was able to log on and read the posts that everyone has written..I want to thank everyone fromt the bottom of my heart for the things that you have all said. Those who have lost and those who havent all of you are so understanding and considerate. To answer a question yes I am using my mother’s veil in pretty much its original form. I am also playing a song at the church which makes me think of my mother because it was her favorite song. I know she was with me when I got my dress because of the odd feeling that came over me. Thank you thank you all for letting me vent. Christmas this year at first was hard because we had it at our house for the first time since she passed and she also like some can relate LOVED Christmas. It was her holiday and I think that I carried out her traditions and she was in that house with all of us. I want to wish everyone a happy new year and happy planning!!! 🙂 This is the reason I love posting and letting it out
Post # 10
I lost my mother about 5 and a half years ago. It was so difficult planning a wedding without her. You never think that your mother won’t be around when you imagine your wedding when you are younger. I’ll be thinking about you while you are planning. PM me if you want to talk.
Post # 11
I’m sorry for your loss…I can’t say that I understand your pain and hurts b/c I can’t but I did lose my Big Rose a few years ago. She was my great great grandmoter and lived well into her 90’s. Sometimes I think about her and how much I wish she could see me get married in the church she loved so much. I just remember the wonderful times we had together and always think about her love for me and my family…that helps me get through the difficult moments…
Post # 12
I am right there with you missing your mom. My mom passed away July 29, 2005 and everyday I wish that she were here to share in my joy, happiness and planning. I also lost my father in 1996 so not having either around is very difficult. Thankfully my FMIL is a great woman that I adore and I plan on asking her to assist me in the wedding details as my mother would have. But I did see a suggestion while looking for ideas that I plan on using that you might like. A bride used tiny frames (locket size) that she put a picture of ones she has lost in and attached it to her bouquet. I plan on using my parents wedding picture. I thought it was very pretty and a nice way to include them in the ceremony…in a way they are walking down the aisle with you.
Post # 13
My eyes are welling up with tears as I’m reading this.
My mom died unexpectedly on May 2, 1995. Fifteen years seems like a long time, and in many ways it is. I’ve forgotten what her hands look like, what her voice sounds like. Memories exist more as photographs than anything else. I’ve gotten very used to life without her.
But what’s never left is that big wound that exists somewhere deep inside of my inner world. I will never not feel her absence. Very often in my daily goings-on it will occur to me that I’m a woman without a mother. And now, planning a wedding, less than 70 days out, it’s truly no different.
Thanks for this thread.
Post # 14
@eurekaanchovies your welcome! i was having a moment and felt like i needed to write in hopes that someone or many people would relate to me! It feels good to know I am not alone and that with my thread i can help others also. I totally agree with what you said esp. about adapting to living without her.. It then hits me sometimes like you said that wow I am doing this without a mother. My FH does not have his parents for they are deceased as well so we are more then grateful to have my father who has been fantastic with everything! i am grateful to have such a loving family and friends who are there along the way with the planning process.
@gwynth love your idea about the tiny frame with a picture. I may look into that. Thanks!!
Post # 15
I completely understand what all of you ladies are going through. I lost my mom when I was 12, and I just lost my sister this past October, both died in automobile accidents. I got engaged after my sister passed in November. It’s been tough. It feels like its just me now. (I don’t know my dad) She was my only sister. Its the saddest but happiest tine of my life right now. It’s been very hard to be happy sometimes because I just want to share everything with both of them. I know they are watching over me at this time. I’m only 20 and feel I need them more than ever. So if any of you want to talk. I’m here, and going through it as we speak. It’s good to hear what you all have to say, even though its such a tough subject… :'(
Post # 16
I am very sorry for the loss of your mother. I can’t even begin to imagine not having mine ever, especially while planning my wedding. I have several people that I wanted to include some way into our wedding and thought of having a memory table, I bought matching picture frames and am going to put a picture in each frame and have a single rose in a vase and a candle in front of each picture on the table at the ceremony and the reception. I also want to maybe put little note cards on the table about who the people were and what made them so special to us.