Post # 1
I’m having one of those “poor me” days and just need to whine a bit. I lost my Dad unexpectedly and very suddenly almost 10 years ago and every once in a while during this whole wedding planning process I’ve found myself with an overwhelming amount of sadness. Most of the time it’s when I think about walking down the aisle or the father daughter dance. I always imagined those things as a little girl and am so sad that my Dad won’t be there to do them with me. I do have to say I am so lucky to be walking down the aisle with my Grandpa (on my Dad’s side) who I’m extremely close to but it’s just not what I ever imagined it would be. It also kills me that my Dad never got to meet my Fiance. I know he’s above watching us and would love him as much as I do but it just gets hard to keep the tough exterior up some days. I am so excited to marry my Fiance but feel like I’m letting my sadness dampen my wedding exciting every once in a while.
Has anyone else planning a wedding lost their father? How do you deal with it?
Post # 3
I don’t have experience in this, but I wanted to say I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine how hard this is for you. But you are right, he will be watching over you, not just on your wedding day but every day.
Post # 4
Sweetie Im so sorry you are going through this. My dad is my rock and i couldnt imagine going through this without him, thank God you have your grandfather. Keep your head up Im sure your dad is looking down on you and is sharing in every moment of your happiness with your FI. *hugs*
Post # 5
(((hugs))) I know how you feel, even though my situation’s a little different. My sis and I were raised by our Grandparents and our Dad wasn’t around much. So I always envisioned my Granddad walking me down the aisle. But he died last year after complications from a stroke and kidney disease. So now my Dad, who’s been back in our lives for some time now, is walking me down the aisle. I sometimes get sad, throw myself a pity party, and feel like I was robbed (our Granddad walked my sister down the aisle, and I’ll never get to experience that or have those photos or cherish those memories). But I think that it’s ok sometimes because the feelings need to get out. I’ve been trying not to let it get to me too much, but that’s been proving more difficult as the wedding gets closer and the planning picks up.
I know my Granddad’s up there watching, and that he’ll be there in spirit on my wedding day. But it certainly still gets hard sometimes.
One thing that helps is my fiance is a good listener and encourages me to speak about it and get it off of my chest so that it doesn’t become all-consuming. I’m also researching ways to include my Granddad in the wedding and reception. I plan to wear a locket with his photo, have a reserved seat for him at the ceremony, and my Grandmother’s giving me his wedding ring to use as a charm on my bouquet.
I didn’t mean to write a novel. Just wanted to let you know that there are others going through the same thing and trying to cope.
Post # 6
Thanks ladies! I just had to have a “moment”. I know I’m a very lucky girl to have had such an amazing Dad for the 15 years I did! Our wedding will be wonderful, especially with someone so special up there shining down on it!
Post # 7
@Puppy Love: Oh honey, lots of hugs to you.. I can relate, I lost my Dad a little over 2 years ago, and I find there are certain times throughout planning, more than others, for whatever reason, that it hits me again, as if it just happened. I accept it for whatever it is, and just acknowledge the feelings, have a little cry, then lighten myself up a bit by thinking, even if he’s not here now, he helped me build a strong character that’s brought me to where I am today.. and I’ve found a good man, similar in some small ways to him and that he would have respected, to spend my life with now.
Sorry if that sounds cheesy, but I hope it helps you a little in the overwhelming moments:)
Post # 8
@rockdr: Not cheesy at all, it’s a very good point! Definitely best to just get it out and have your pity party and keep going. I can’t imagine doing this after only 2 years, even after 10 years it still feels like yesterday. I don’t think that feeling ever goes away, which is a good thing because somedays it feels like I just saw him, a very welcome feeling! 🙂
Post # 9
I lost my dad last September (to cancer) and yes I found the lead up to the wedding quite sad knowing dad wouldn’t be there – organising mum to walk me up the aisle, my bro doing a speech for our family, whether we wanted a memorial or not ( we actually chose not to do an “official memorial” as it was too hard for my mum, bro and myself to deal with ) but on the day we all coped really well with it – a few tears but overall it was still a happy day and we all knew he was there watching over us. The only “memorials” we had: mum wore dad’s wedding ring on her bracelet and I wore the garter they used at their wedding, private memorials that only my family and my bridesmaids were aware of…
How we dealt with it in the lead up? FI (ETA: oops i mean DH – force of habit) let me cry on him – A LOT. We all talked about dad all the time, it is getting easier we can talk about him and laugh now rather than cry. Other than that I have no advice that doesn’t sound cliche…
Post # 10
I haven’t been through this, but I just wanted to say that I’m sorry you’re dealing with this! Will be thinking about you!
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
I lost my dad also unexpetedly about 2 weeks after I met my husband (we weren’t together yet). That was over 5 years ago, but it made the planning process very hard. Last year at a friends wedding I was so overwhelmed when she danced with her dad that I had to leave.
For my own wedding I did pretty well throughout, I found a few ways to honor my father at our wedding and while I thought about him a lot and I missed him the whole time it didn’t really hit me until the honeymoon. One night I had a dream that my dad was “back” and had missed my wedding, it’s a bit complicated as dreams can be, but I woke up in tears and it took me almost the whole day to move past my sadness.
I guess I don’t really have any advice on how to deal with the emotions and things, but at least know that you aren’t alone.
Post # 12
I know exactly where you’re comming from. I was only 11 when my father died, you know, right at the stage where your parents are kinda your heros. Some days i just miss him. It was acctually only a few days ago, almost 2 months after my wedding now, that i had a cry over the fact that my dad didn’t see me fall in love and marry. It was always particularly hard for me to watch other brides at friends and familys weddings, have times with their fathers. Some days it feels as fresh as when i was first told. My sympathies, but may we never forget them!
Post # 13
I lost my dad in January and got engaged in May. He had a massive stroke out of nowhere in May of 2010 and never left the hospital. We picked out my engagement ring in July 2010 and waited and waited for my dad to recover b/c I wanted my FI to ask him for my hand and all of that but he was never able to. I’m an only child and my dad was single so everything fell on me. I wanted so much to be able to move forward and marry the man of my dreams so when things finally settled down and he asked me to marry him, I was elated. However, planning a wedding without my dad is torture so I know how you feel. I’ve always dreamed of the big wedding thing but now I just wish we could go to the courthouse b/c I’m uneasy about what people will say. I can’t even type this without crying so I really dont want to be crying throughout my entire wedding! There is no one that I have ever been as close to as my dad so even though my uncle has offered and my mom probably wants to walk me down the aisle, if it can’t be my dad, I would almost rather go it alone.
We will actually be getting married on what would have been his 59th birthday and he loved ties so I will also be sewing a piece of one of his blue ties into the back of my dress or on my sash.
Post # 14
Hugs to you, I can relate. I lost my dad over 10 years ago. I do think time helps, but when it hits you it hits you, and it’s perfectly OK to feel that way. Just remember that he is still a part of you, and who you are, and would be proud and happy for you.
Post # 15
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad last year, and it makes me sad every day that he won’t be able to see me happy and married. For myself, I’m going to make sure I have some token of him with me that day, and of course he’ll be in my thoughts.
Whatever gives you comfort and makes you feel close to him, makes him a little bit a part of your moment, that’s what you should do.
Post # 16
I’m so sorry for all of you. It definitely is hard but it helps to know he’s watching over us. I have his wedding band that I plan on attaching to my bouquet along with a small charm with a picture of him. I have worn his ring on a necklace since he passed and it has always given me comfort feeling like a part of him was near.