Post # 1
Ladies, last time I posted, I mentioned that my mom had just passed away. Yesterday, her father passed away, too. Two close deaths within 29 days. I feel like a wreck.
As timing would have it, I made my first dress-shopping appointment yesterday, figuring I’d just start at David’s Bridal and go from there. BIG mistake. I really, honestly thought it would cheer me up, but to be honest, I felt like I looked awful and huge in everything. The sales girl kept us waiting for 15 minutes, didn’t listen to a word I said about what I was looking for, and managed to pick out basically all of the least flattering dresses in the store for me to try on. At one point, I sighed and remarked that I just really didn’t love the way my upper body looked in a particular dress (I mean, she put me in a bustier that pushed my chest and all surrounding chub all the way up to my chin), and she said “Well, go home and do some push-ups.”
Needless to say, and as irrational as it sounds, I left the store not ever wanting to try another dress on again. I even started feeling like I didn’t want to have a wedding at all. My grandmother is alone now, and paying for the wedding, which I feel terrible about. My mom and my grandfather won’t be there. And on top of everything else, I hated every dress I saw yesterday, and especially the way I looked in them. I stayed up utnil 3AM last night just sobbing, just imagining how stupid and silly I’d feel up there at the alter, looking awful in an awful dress, without two of the people I love the most by my side. I don’t think I’ve felt that bad about my body in years. And really, the bottom line was just that I wanted my mom there. It certainly didn’t help that they kept pushing mother-of-the-bride discounts and dresses on me, either. I know they didn’t know, but… gosh. It was just such an awful experience. Feeling pretty low about wedding stuff right now.
Post # 3
*hugggggggg* I’m am so sorry for your losses. I wish there was something more i could do to help other than virtual hugs. *huggggg*
Post # 4
@laustin85: (((HUGS))) First, I would call DB and ask for a manager. Give them every detail of that nasty consultant and let them know you told other people about your experience. Then I’d call corporate.
Now, go look in the mirror. Find your favorite thing about yourself and keep telling yourself how much you love it. “I have the most amazing smile. My smile lights up the room.”, you get the point. Keep doing that until you find something new you love about yourself. Do that until you love every part of you.
Take inspiration pictures of dresses that you love and every time you put a dress on, focus on the positives “My ass looks amazing in this dress, but my boobs were incredible in the other one.”
You deserve to love yourself!
Post # 5
I’m so sorry to hear about your mom and grandpa. You and your grandma have to lean on each other to get through this. I honestly dont know what I would do in your situation. If nothing else, on your next dress shopping trip, ask your grandma to come. Build an even stronger bond with her.
Keep your chin up! Hoping things get better for you in the future! ***HUGS***
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2014 - Brazil Room
Don’t let David’s Bridal ruin it for you. I’ve been to 6 bridal shops and that was my worst experience of them all. Go on Google Maps and check out reviews and Yelp reviews of local shops. That way you can narrow it down to the ones that (hopefully) will make you feel welcome and listened to.
Your sadness about your family’s passing away is normal and natural (and goes through many stages of anger, grief, self-loathing, etc). I wish you the best in your recovery. I personally went to therapy and that helped me feel better about the losses I’ve had in my life (though it did take me like 4 or 5 therapists to find the right one).
Post # 7
@laustin85: I am so sorry to hear about your mother and grandfather. My father died when I was 16 and my nana (who was like my mom) passed away in July.
I went through what you are going through where I wondered if it was even worth HAVING a wedding since they wouldnt be there. I figured there was no one else I cared about being present, so what’s the point?
But I’ll say to you what someone said to me: do not call off or give up on your wedding. They would not want you to. I understand scaling it back to make things easier, but please do *something* 🙂 As cheesy as it sounds, know that they will be standing right there with you in spirit.
Post # 8
you should have gone off on that sales lady…you should have told her and made her feel shitty about herself.
I feel that some people DESERVE to feel shitty
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2014 - Muhlhauser Barn
@laustin85: First, I’m so sorry for your losses. That is incredibly hard to go through, especially when you’re planning your wedding. ::Hugs to you::
Second, in my experience David’s Bridal is horrible — I refused to even go there to try dresses on myself because they have made people that I’ve gone wedding shopping with for their weddings cry previously, at numerous different stores, so it’s not just “avoid that particiular store” thing going on. If you have an Alfred Angelo’s around, I would definitely recommend them… I’ve gone to 3 different Alfred Angelo shops & had great experiences at each of them, although the dress I’m going with I ultimately found at a plus size boutique in Phoenix. I’m not sure if you’re plus size too or not, but if you are, I would definitely recommend googling plus size bridal shops around you — even if it’s a bit of a drive the experience is totally worth it. Being given a 40DD longline bra to try on with the dresses instead of being handed a 32B (David’s Bridal did this when I tried on bridesmaid dresses for my sister’s wedding last year… I didn’t even attempt to put that on) alone was worth the extra effort it took to get to the place I went (Strut Bridal in Phoenix, if you happen to be located anywhere near there, I 110% recommend it!). Good luck — you will find something that looks amazing on you!
Post # 10
I am very sorry about your losses. What a difficult time for you family 🙁
It is appalling what that women said to you at DB. I agree with the previous poster who suggested talking to the manager of that particular store AS WELL AS corporate headquarters. I’m not normally one to get another person in trouble, but her behavior is beyond appalling and the manager/DB headquarters need to know. I am very sorry you had to go through this, especially during this terribly difficult time.
Regarding dress shopping, DB had the crappiest dresses I’ve seen and the nice dresses they do have are nothing special and also not cheaper than elsewhere. Go to a local store. Get recommendations before making an appointment, even if you just read reviews on yelp. Go during the week, when they’re not busy. I’ve had some nice experiences while out dress shopping, and most of the time I was going by myself because my mom and bridesmaids do not live on the same continent. I promise, when you find a good bridal salon and a good person helping you, you will NOT have this experience again.
Does your fiance live near you to help you through this tough time? I hope so.
Post # 11
Oh sweetheart I am so sorry. I can’t imagine getting married without my momma watching me. She’ll be there, though. Just not.. there. Her and your Grandpa would want nothing more than for you to have the best wedding you could and remember them, but not be sad.
Now about that B from DB. Forget her. Karma will find its way.
If you are sexually active, go jump your fiance. Like now. Text him that you need some loving *wink wink.* Nothing makes me feel hotter than my husband telling me how hot I am when I’m naked. 🙂
If you aren’t, go buy yourself something super sexy for your wedding night and send him a little teaser pic. Just the hemline. He knows you need to know how f’ing sexy you are and he’ll let you know how much he wants a piece of that. And that is all you need to know.
On your wedding day you will be the most beautiful girl in the romm, hell, in the city. He’ll only have eyes for you that day and from then on. Lumps, bumps, back fat, no one will notice (promise).
Take a little break from dress shopping, find a nice little botique with some good reviews, and go back with your Grandma or your BFF.
Post # 12
I’m so so sorry. Your post made me tear up. That’s such a terrible thing to go through, losing them, especially so close together.
Maybe finding a way to honor them at your wedding might make you a little more excited? I know it’s not the same, but they’ll be there in your heart and thoughts.
And screw that bitch at DB. They blow.
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
I am so sorry you had such a horrible experience! I agree with PPs that said you should make a complaint to the store manager; that consultant was unprofessional and completely inappropriate!
I understand how hard this is, wedding dress shopping was probably the most horrible part of wedding planning without my mom around. PM me if you need to talk with someone who’s been through it.
Post # 14
That is horrible what that DB person said to you – I would definitely complain and take it to corporate. How awful!
Second, please do not rob yourself of the entire experience – your mom and grandpa would not want you to do that! Just remember they will be there in spirit. *hugs*
Post # 15
@laustin85: Oh, hun. If someone told me to just go home and do some more push-ups, I would have the same reaction as you — high tail it out of there. Some people just have no sense and basic courtesy — unfortunately, one of those people was working at your local DB.
I see that your wedding date is more than a year away. Unless you are planning on buying a designer, custom-made gown, there is really no rush for you to get a dress right away. Why not take some time to move past this before you go back into it? Do you have a grief counselor you can talk to?
Also, is your name “laustin” because you’re in Austin? Because I’ve heard great things about Celebrations in New Braunfels if you want a new place to look (not that you wouldn’t have plenty of choices in Austin!). Wherever you go, it might just be fun to make your next bridal dress experience more than just a shopping venture — instead, it could also be a chance to check out a new, cute small town or an excuse to go out to a great restaurant after. That way, if the next trip doesn’t give you that “say yes to the dress feeling” it won’t feel like such a let down — you’ll have other things to enjoy. And if you go anywhere that requires an appointment, I would call ahead of time (or have one of your friends/family call ahead) and explain that you’ve had a death in the family and please don’t mention any MOB merchandise to you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this without your mom. I hope you’re able to find some peace and joy after this and don’t let some thoughtless DB employee put you off dress shopping.
Post # 16
@corasong: Oh, I realize that. Honestly, a part of me just thought it would help cheer me up, to do something fun and wedding-related (pretty much everything went to hell like, two weeks after we got engaged, so we weren’t really able to enjoy the excitement of it).
And I’m in California, but I’ve heard great things about Austin! Austin is actually my middle name 🙂
Thanks for your advice, especially the part about mentioning that I’ve had a death in the family. You’re right that that may be a big help next time I attempt dress-hunting!