Post # 1
I’m having some mixed feelings and need some encouragement, or even just people to commiserate with me and send me a virtual hug. Here’s the story:
We had to be really strict with our guest list because we have a very strict maximum (120) and lots of family members (90), so originally I was hoping for a bunch of ‘no’ RSVPs so we could invite other people. But we’ve had some financial hardship lately and we’ve decided not to replace those people and save the money, so I was looking forward to ‘no’ responses even more to take some of the pressure off financially.
But then when they actually started arriving, I got sad. Now I’m conflicted because we need people to say no and it’s really nice to be saving the money, but at the same time, I’m sad that so many of our nearest and dearest can’t or won’t come. I feel a bit ridiculous for feeling sad about something I was looking forward to before, and it’s only 15 people who have said ‘no’ so far, even though I know of a few more who won’t be coming for sure and just haven’t RSVPd yet. I guess just seeing the little checkbox for ‘declines with regret’ on the response card hit me more than I thought it would.
Am I nuts? Did this happen to anyone else? Were you expecting to be happy about ‘no’ RSVPs and wind up being a little sad?
Post # 4
I agree with you! We had a fairly large B list, so we were anxiously awaiting no responses. The problem was- everyone took their sweet time responding so by the time we got the no’s we needed it was too late to invite anyone else and we ended up with a much smaller crowd than we expected.
I hope for you though that all the really important people are able to make it to your wedding! It won’t matter to you on the day how many people are there, only that they love you!
Post # 5
I’ve been feeling pretty much exactly the same way about the no’s – we would definitely like the number to go down, as the catering seems to get more and more expensive everytime I talk to our contact there, but at the same time, its sort of a dissapointment to realize that not everyone can/wants to come to our celebration. I’m sure I (and you!) will get over it, but its just sort of depressing to open up a no.
Post # 6
The first couple “no’s” especially when it was people I wasn’t as close to, I was OK with. Then one of my fiance’s close friends told us he couldn’t come, then another couple good friends. Now it looks like half of his friends can’t come, possibly none of our family friends, my fiance’s stepmom… we’ve gone from 90-100 expected guests to 70-80. Which, yeah, I’m happy it’ll save us some money and make things more intimate, but at this point there are going to be a lot of people missing whom we’d thought and hoped would be there.
Post # 7
I remember being so happy. Darling Husband and I would high five every time a no RSVP came in! We invited approx 215 and our space only fit 150. We ended up with 130, which we was perfect for us and we were very happy about
Post # 8
Pretty much every single “no” made me cry. I know that’s ridiculous, but I took them all really personally. I eventually got over it and focused on all the wonderful people who WERE going to be attending, and that helped.
Post # 9
I imagine that a lot of brides experience mixed emotions about no RSVPs. It’s great to save money, but it’s hard not to wonder why someone declines and feel slightly hurt. Just try to remember that a refusal isn’t always personally intended. In this economy a lot of people are working extra hours or a second job or may have a commitment of some sort already. Allow yourself to feel a bit wistful, but try to let it go and focus on all the wonderful and fun things you have going on in the weeks to come
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
I guess it depends who is RSVPing no. 🙂
So far, we’ve only had a few nos, and they were expected. We have a whole block of people we’re expecting nos from for various reasons, but I will feel sad if I get nos from people who I’m expecting a yes from. We vetted our B list more carefully and only sent out one round of invites, so I’m looking forward to the expected nos – otherwise we will be over budget.
Post # 11
I’ve been the opposite – excited at the no’s we’ve received (only 3!!!!) because on the flip side, people that I really didn’t expect to come are now RSVPing that they will be there. I haven’t had anyone super close RSVP no though, so if that starts to happen, I imagine my feelings will be a little hurt (but I also realize not everyone can make it).
Post # 12
I had some that I felt sad/ offended about, but others that I was like eh who cares I haven’t seen them in 5 years anyways. Honestly I didn’t miss the people that didn’t come the day of. I was surrounded by friends and family and had a great time.
Post # 13
When we picked our date, I was talking to some friends about it, and one of them said “Oh.. that might not work for me. I don’t think I can come.”
I got really pissed off then, because this was someone I’ve known for a while and she was saying she would skip my wedding for _____.
Then Fiance pointed out that it shouldn’t matter, if they wanted to come they would make it work, and if they couldn’t, well, that was the way it went. It took me a week or so to reconcile with that, and it did help. I get it now.
Hopefully I’ll still feel that way when we send out our invites and get the responses. 🙂
Post # 14
@atalante: we are def not at this stage yet, but are working on the list and as we see people telling them the date. and my stepfather’s cousin..who we were really just inviting so they didn’t feel like they wre the only ones not invited..said they were going to rearrange things to make sure they could be there and then when they found out it is a no children reception said oh i don’t think we’ll come. continued to at a later date ask my stepdad about this again, hoping that we would change our mind just so they could come. nooo i don’t think so. so i will be happily receiving their no rsvp. -and flip my roof if it comes back with a ‘3’ on it. – that ramble was basically to say that your Fiance is right..those that want to be there, will!!!
Post # 15
OK, I just did some stats now that we’re about 95% final on who’s coming and who’s not. No wonder I’ve gone from exited at nos to mixed feelings to now more sadness than relief. Our yes rate is about 50% and there’s a chance we won’t break the 70 mark.
Ah, well. More time to spend with everyone, right?
Post # 16
I’m a little disappointed too. We we’re inviting 80, but about 55 people are coming. It’s understandable since our wedding is 6 hours drive away and all (except 9 people including us) will have to travel. Depends on the overall costs, we might end up bumming up the meal value (extra course, better alcohol) to make it more special for the one that are attending.