Post # 1
i have recently got back in touch with a good friend of mine. he’s my ex’s best friend, i thought it was better to end our friendship because of his loyalties to my ex and the nature of the break up…
well i was wrong, we’ve been chatting loads lately and he invited me round for a cup of tea and a face to face chat.
i ask for my fi approval in this because i never want to make him feel uncomfortable.
now me and (i’ll call him potter) haven’t seen each other or spoke for nearly 4 years, it’s like we never stopped speaking. we laugh so much and reminisce about old times. he’s kind of like a big brother to me. he’s also asked to meet my fi, so that my fi feels comfortable with our renewed frienship. potter and fi are total opposites, i’m not sure they will get along, but we’ll see.
i’m getting some very mixed reactions from people about having a male friend. i just don’t see the problem in this. Fi has loads of female friends and thats fine. my best friend (female) is the one kicking up the biggest fuss over it, even though she and my fi are good friends and spend time together without me and her husband… she thinks i’m being unthoughtful and will only lead to upsetting my fi…
what do you bee’s feel on this subject. just to add fi is very laid back when it comes to me doing what i want and rarely confronts me about things that bother him, but he insists that he has no problem with it. (in other words we allow each other to have a life outside our relationship…
oh and potter insists he wants to get back the friendship we once had… says he’s missed me lol …. men can be such softies lol
opinons ladies (thanks in advance x )
Post # 3
I see nothing wrong with girls being friends with guys and guys being friends with girls. It is actually perfectly normal and to be expected, IMO.
I’ve always been so confused be the posts on here where people practically forbid their SOs from having friends of the opposite sex.
Post # 4
I think it’s Chronicles of Riddick to think twice about “mixed-gender friendships.” I’ve never really heard anyone who was worried about it except on Weddingbee. It just doesn’t make sense. Who are queer people supposed to be friends with? Why would you want to go through life without close personal relationships with men?
Post # 5
I don’t see a problem with having friends of the opposite sex. Not even if you had a romantic history – all if your FI is OK with it. Don’t worry about the reactions from friends and others. The only reaction you should be worried about is your FI’s.
(By that, I don’t mean that he should dictate who you are friends with or anything, only that if there was a particular person that was making him uncomfortable for a good reason, it might be worth taking the potential consequences to your relationship into consideration.)
I’ve always had mostly guy friends and very few girlfriends, so if I had to suddenly eliminate those friendships, I’d be pretty lonely!
Post # 6
One of my best friends is a guy. He’s married to my very best friend. So no, I don’t think there’s a problem with opposite gender friendships.
What really matters here is how things are with you and your FI. If things are bad, and a person is not getting what they need out of their relationship, that’s where a close friendship can either be extremely helpful or a possible problem – the basis for an emotional or physical affair, for example.
In my own example, FI is also quite close with my BFs. When I meet new people, I usually make a point of making sure FI meets them and involving him (even peripherally) in the friendship. If I feel a spark or an attraction for some reason (let’s face it. It happens. I’m engaged, not dead), I distance myself from that friendship until I’ve sorted myself out. No sense in borrowing trouble. And of course, if I got a sense that a male friend wanted to be more than friends anyway, that relationship would pretty much be over.
That’s my take on it, anyway.
ETA – I’m pretty sure this is the approach that FI takes to his friendships as well. We talked about it a while ago, I can’t remember what brought it up.
Post # 7
@Mrs.KMM: I agree.
It sounds like the beginning to a wonderful rekindled friendship. Potter wants to meet your FI, you and your FI are laid back and trusting of each other…don’t listen to that one friend, that sounds like the product of her own issues more than anything having to do with you.
Post # 8
thanks ladies, i’ve always had loads of male friends in the past i suppose my ex stopped that, i was only allowed to be friends with his friend talking to another man would have been a crime i suppose thats why i’m a liitle worried….
and did point out to my best friend that my fi last partner left him for another woman so in that case i wouldn;t be able to have any friends lol
Post # 9
@Mrs.KMM: exactly. we have friends of both sexes, and their are no issues.
Post # 10
I see no problems as long as there is absolutely no secrecy involved ever. I have always had a ton of guy friends–probably more so than my gal friends. I have found, however, that it seems to be harder to make friends with people of the opposite sex once you are in a committed relationship, and it SUCKS! I know that I’d never cheat or do anything wrong but there has been enough cheating in the world that everyone’s head immediately goes there. It’s not fair. If you and your man trust each other enough it should be fine but definitely look for his phsyical reactions and talk to him about it.
Post # 11
@MsJeep23: that might be very true, she’s having some personal issues at the moment. and doesn’t like potter much at all,
Post # 12
We have decided not to have friends of the other gender aside from keeping up with old friends from school on facebook but no lunches of phone calls or anything. But thats just us as long as there is no physical attraction between the 2 friends or jealousy then it shouldn’t be a problem.
Post # 13
@stokieGal: I have plenty of male friends and my FI has plenty of female friends and we are both fine with that…. We know how we feel about each other and our friends (males and females ) respect our relationship.
Post # 14
@yellowlace: i more worried fi will find potter a little intimadating… i’m not expecting them to be friend as well my ex and potter are friends… and fi and ex don’t like each other. fi is a sensitive soul where potter is a arrogant and gobby, but still fun. and no secrecy would ever be involved, i don’t see him that way and i know potter is the same about me…
Post # 15
I love my guy friends! Some of the ones I’m closest with are my ex’s too, and FI has become friends with them as well. (But I must say ex’s from 8-12 years ago, none are recent). I must say though that I’ve had a few guy friends who i thought were really good friends and it turned out they had a more romantic interest they were keeping hidden. These situations have made me sad b/c to be fair I end up distancing myself, not fair to FI or to them, sometimes I think its unfair to me haha, why can’t we just be buddies!
Post # 16
@Mrs.KMM: This completely.
I’m baffled by some posts on here.