Post # 1
So…as the wedding date draws near and more and more people meet my FI I’m running into odd behavior. My fiancé and I are total opposites in some ways. He’s black, I’m white. He’s a body-builder, I’m chubby. He’s loud and outgoing, I’m reserved and a homebody. He’s the sun and I’m the moon. As our wedding draws near (15 days!!) I can’t get over people’s behavior. They act surprised that he is beautifully black and if anyone know me they would know that since the second grade I have had the biggest crushes on those of a different race. And then the other thing is that everyone who meets my fiancé says “wow he’s so cute” or “what a handsome man” I always respond with “Thank you! I think so!” but it’s starting to get to me. I don’t know I’d they are surprised that this overweight white girl got such a good looking man or what! And I know I’m making it about me but Im alway more critical of myself….who isn’t? 😉
I don’t even know why I just wrote this…to vent to strangers lol who can’t judge me…or can…. Lol
anyway I would post a picture of us but I’ve been self conscious taking “fat” pictures with him… So I’ll post a picture of him! He’s pretty… to me at least
Post # 2
He’s very good looking and I’m sure you look gorgeous together 😉
What matters in a marriage is that you share the same values, everything you said doesn’t mean anything (at least to me, and doesn’t seem to bother you either). Think about how it’s going to be in 10, 20, 50 years!!
Post # 3
- Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base
You’re just as pretty as he is handsome. Be proud that he loves you. Let others see your joy.
Post # 4
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
Jenaqte: I think many people stereotype the desires of others according to race and/or cultural norms…which can be very rude if you’re on the receiving end of their surprise/confusion! Re. race/ethnicity/colour it’s 2014 not 1914, it shouldn’t be controversial to marry someone with more or less melanin.
Obviously your fiancé thinks you’re the bomb or you two wouldn’t be an item so there’s nothing important to worry about here. It’s possible that some people will consider him to be more ‘conventionally’ good looking than you? And for whatever reason (eg complete lack of imagination) they expected an exact match according to their beauty standards. That’s their narrow minded world view, conventional good looks aren’t everyone’s type, heck if you were conventional looking your fiancé might not have been interested!
Re women being both not thin and beautiful (at the same time *gasp*) have a look at the gifs from the following link. Seeing famously beautiful forms given the photoshop treatment may help you challenge the normalised ‘thinner is better’ attitudes so many of us pick up inadvertently. What if there is no ‘better’, only different.
Post # 5
Jenaqte: “He’s the sun and I’m the moon.” – that is adorable.
He is very cute. (Assuming your profile picture is you, you’re also very cute).
More important than what anyone else thinks is that obviously he sees you as beautiful too, or you wouldn’t be together and you wouldn’t be getting married.
Sorry you’re feeling like this, but hopefully it gets better x
Post # 6
Jenaqte: He’s gorgeous! But I’m sure you’re beautiful, yourself.
Me and my husband are similar. He’s black, I’m white, he’s super thin and works out everyday, and I’m a size 18. I’m also a few inches taller than him. But we get told all the time what a beautiful couple we are.
You should post a picture of you guys! This is us. =)
Post # 7
Jenaqte: I think they’re probably just saying,”wow,he’s goodlooking!” And that’s it lol. Don’t think into it too much 🙂
Post # 8
I’m still trying to unpack “beautifully black.” But aside from that, this sounds like a non-issue. No one has been rude, unkind, or offensive to either of you. My impression is that you may be misinterpreting their reactions/compliments.
Post # 9
If that’s the extent of their comments, maybe they are just trying to compliment your taste in men? The dude’s a good looking guy for sure!
But if you’re convinced there are undertones of “something more”, then my advice is simply “haters gonna hate”.
Enjoy your love, enjoy being a gorgeous couple, and forget about the haters.
Post # 10
I think you just need to float above on a little love cloud of joy. The relationship works for you two and that’s all that matters. Don’t get bogged down trying to interpret other peoples reactions: what they think isn’t your problem or business! So just cross it off your list of things to worry about. He’s a gorgeous man and I’m sure you’re a lovely lady- enjoy it!
Post # 11
He is a good looking guy– great smile! Looking at your avatar, you’re very pretty. He probably looks like the world’s most handsome hunk to you because you’re madly in love! Nothing wrong with that.
As for the ignorant racist comments of others–try not to let them get to you. Easier said than done, I know. As for the comments about his looks, I agree with the PPs that they may well just be telling you that your FI is attractive. That’s a compliment. Try to receive it with grace & don’t read too much into it.
Post # 12
Totally know what you mean about odd looks/comments about being an interracial couple (let’s not get started about the kids). I think you should check out some other threads on Weddingbee about this topic- people have posted some amazing wedding photos! You’re definitely not alone.
Post # 13
Jenaqte: Don’t read too much into what other people say, anyone with ill intentions doesn’t deserve that kind of attention. You guys are a beautiful couple. 🙂
Post # 14
Xu: “No one has been rude, unkind, or offensive to either of you.”
People are more subtle in 2014, and it rarely comes out that way (at least in Canada). It’s more like stares or double-takes from strangers, being mistaken for the nanny of your own children, looks of surprise from acquaintances when you introduce your spouse. Something that makes you feel self-conscious, “other”, not “normal” like everyone else is definitely rude in my books.
Post # 15
canadajane: I understand and agree that “othering” is often suble. I’m just not convinced that’s the case here. If anything, I believe the OP is projecting her issues onto her family and friends. Unless there’s more happening that hasn’t been shared, I believe the OP is overthinking this.