Post # 1
My FI is really upset because my mom insisted that our wedding website and RSVP only include my family’s last name and not my FI’s last name. She said it would be easier for her friends to remember only OUR last name and not have to remember his. I told my mom it was ridiculous that we didn’t include his name– it’s HIS wedding too, and it’s not like his last name is that hard to remember. She was adamant that since she and my dad were the ones paying for the wedding that they were going to have just our last name. Instead of fighting with her, I was complacent and went along with it.
Now, my FI is really upset that he wasn’t included. He feels like the wedding isn’t about US anymore, and it’s just about my parents throwing a big party and getting all the attention. While the guest list is probably 80% of my family and friends, it bothers me that his name isn’t included– I honestly find it embarrassing that he wasn’t included on the email or website name. I dont’ want to cause any rifts between me and my mom or me and my FI, but he feels like I didn’t stand up for him, and my mom is going to continue to push us around for the rest of our lives if I don’t stand up to her. WHAT DO I DO?
Post # 3
Can you give an example of how his name was left off? I’m a bit confused here.
But going off what I think is going on – I think he has every right to be offended, as should his parents. The wedding is about the two of you – and this makes it all about you and not him. My parents paid for our wedding, and I was adamant that the invitations went out with my parents as the hosts, but I included his parents names on there, with “FI, son of Mr. and Mrs…” because that’s only fair.
Post # 4
Are you talking about his last name not being in the URL?
On the invitations, for example, your parents have the right to only put their names on it because they are paying and are the hosts.
Post # 5
@busybee227: So go on the website and change it.
Post # 6
I agree with your FI. I don’t like the fact that just because someone is paying for a wedding or a portion of it they feel entitled to have it their way. In cases like this I would tell them keep their money have a wedding the way I want it even if it’s only me and my FH there. It’s not about your parents, you two are joining as one and that should include his name on the site as well. If you feel it’s embarassing then it’s wrong.
Does your parents not want you to take his last name either?
Post # 7
You fix it. It’s your future HUSBAND, he’s the other half of this wedding! This is not a party for your mother! She’s being absolutely unreasonable and quite rude to be honest. I can’t imagine not putting my FI’s full name on our wedding website.
Post # 8
I’d be pissed too if I was your FI. What does the wedding website have to do with your parents paying?! It’s YOUR wedding, not theirs.
Post # 9
Honestly, I think you need to stand up to your mom on behalf of your FI. I get that “he who pays, gets a say” but you don’t want to set a bad precedence. It is ridiculous that his name isn’t included on the wedding website. What about HIS friends and family? Are you going to be changing your name after the wedding? It’s one thing to dictate the food or guest list when parents pay, but it’s another to completely ignore the other family. I definitely think this is a fight worth having.
If she won’t budge, I would seriously consider declining their money and pay for the wedding myself.
Post # 10
@busybee227: “Instead of fighting with her, I was complacent and went along with it.”
“I dont’ want to cause any rifts between me and my mom or me and my FI, but he feels like I didn’t stand up for him, and my mom is going to continue to push us around for the rest of our lives if I don’t stand up to her.”
Well, to be honest, you didn’t stand up to your mom. His surname should be included on the wedding website and invitations, because that is part of who he is.
If you mean that his name is not on the URL of the website and the website’s address has already been distributed, there’s not much you can do about that. But it shouldn’t be hard to change the wording inside the website to include his full name.
This might seem minor, but you really do have to pick which relationship is more important to you. Do you value your FI more in your life, or you mother? Yes, your mother raised you, but you are not promising to spend the rest of your days with her.
Post # 11
This sounds a bit odd. Like they don’t want to acknowledge him or something. At the end of the day, you’re getting married. Stand up for your husband.
Post # 12
You should be the one making and managing the wedding website since it’s your wedding. Therefore, just go and change it.
Why do you even need to put last names on it? Our last names weren’t on our wedding website at all… they aren’t necessary.
Post # 13
don’t they like him? i would just say to my mum, ‘i understand that that is how YOU feel, but FI is very upset and feeling excluded. I think it’s really important that he doesn’t feel that way, don’t you? it’s not a big deal, so i’m going to change it.’
and then change it.
Post # 14
@strawbabies: Right, the URL doesn’t include his last name. She said it would be too hard for her friends to remember his last name, which is pretty absurd
Post # 15
@javoho: They LOVE him– he’s my better half and they can see that. I just think mom is forgetting the true reason for the event and it’s our marriage.
Post # 16
I really appreciate all the input I’m getting. I COMPLETELY AGREE with all of y’all. I just hate confrontation so much, especially with my mom who is planning/paying for the whole thing. But the bottom line is, my FI is my partner and we are supposed to be a team. I hate having him feel like he isn’t included, or that his name isn’t important enough to include on the URL, just because his family is inviting less guests and aren’t paying for the actual wedding. I hate this so much. I hate having people upset.