- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
My mother is such a downer in the planning process that I almost had a meltdown yesterday. She is angry because I have not “involved” her, but every time I try I get nothing but negative comments and sarcasm.
My FMIL is a wonderful lady, and when she found out I had a potential venue, she drove over an hour to meet me there and give me her opinion. (She LOVED it). My own mother could not be bothered to do the same.
FMIL has been sending me bridal magazines, offering to help sew DIY projects, cook desserts for the wedding, and almost as soon as she found out we were engaged, she offered monetary help for the wedding. My mother has yet to tell me what my parents will contribute, just saying that they will “help”. She hates all of my DIY ideas, and she thinks it will be too much work to bake anything for the wedding day and just wants me to get a “real” wedding cake (we don’t. want. cake. don’t like it. My mother does not even eat cake herself).
My mother just came out this week to see the venue (we have had it booked for 5 months). On the way there, she started attacking me over my political views and would not STOP even after I calmly told her I’d rather not talk politics and just have a nice time together. This started over her seeing an election sign in somone’s lawn.
At the venue, she made sarcastic comments about how the owners (of a farm with a barn-type reception area) were making way too much money off of me. When I tried to explain that I was actually renting it for WAY below any other local price at similar venues, and remarked that it would actually save us money since we are not required to use any specific caterer (and don’t even HAVE to cater everything because there is a FULL kitchen to use), she was all like “well I don’t want to cook, so that’s not a perk”.
She told me that the beautiful wrapped support beams in the hall (with tiny string lights and rustic viney branches) were tacky and that the “christmas lights” were for christmas.
She disliked the chairs included in the price of the venue, but when I said I could rent covers, OR just rent nice white folding chairs for the ceremony, she said that was a waste of money.WTF??
My parents make significantly more $$ than my FI’s, and yet they are complete tightwads toward their children. They gave me NO help for college, nor my siblings, yet you better belive that we would have been complete failures in their eyes if we didn’t get a 4-year degree. They did not buy us cars, computers, or cell phones. They did not let us drive until we had jobs to pay for the car insurance. My mom wants an expensive wedding, but does not want to pay for it, and she knows we can’t afford one either. She hates all my money saving ideas, and yet they probably will contribute less toward the wedding than FI’s parents. The rest, FI and I will pay for (I am currently a grad student, so really, FI will pay for most of it).
Our wedding will be under $5,000, unless my parents pony up a LOT more than FI’s parents. My mother dislikes all my plans that let me stay within that budget. I have not told my mother how involved FMIL is, and have given her plenty of chances to help out without pressuring her or comparing her to FMIL. She is not interested, but you can be she WILL complain about how close FMIL and I have become, and how I must like FMIL better.
There is a lot more to this story, but this post is already a book. If you actually read it… thanks.