Post # 1
I don’t know if anyone else has this problem, but I have come to dread sharing my ‘really exciting’ ideas with my mom because she always seems to give a light-hearted laugh, translate: you don’t really need that b/c I know I am paying for it.
My mom has always been a very, very bare bones kind of person who doesn’t appreciate parties or the like. She wore a pants suit that matched my dad’s to her wedding.. and her reception consisted of their immediate families.
So, because she is also a force to be reckoned with, she was able to somehow convince my sister a wedding dance was a bad idea all around because there wouldn’t be enough people to dance (she had 100 guests). She and I went down the same road, but I made it clear that I intended to have a dance, and that yes, we would have enough people to dance with 150 guests. So, since then she has been supportive on the big decisions, like vendors, etc., but the small things she still makes me feel very silly about.
Today I told her I was thinking that I would like to get handheld fans for the wedding ceremony as it is outdoors in a garden in August. She responded by laughing and saying, "No one would know what to do with them". *Not to point out the obvious, but obviously people know what to do with fans when it is HOT!!* Mind you – the ceremony is private, so less than 30 people will be in attendance and the total cost of fans would be less than $40; so, I am left to wonder whether she really thinks all of the details I am fussing over are really that absurd or if she just doesn’t want to pay for them.
Post # 3
Miss Isthmus, you are not absurd! There are some people in the wedding camp that would say all those details don’t matter, weddings are really just about two people celebrating their union, etc.
BUT, my view is that you can be attentive to details in such a way that the details don’t overwhelm the entire point of the celebration.
Further, I think one of the special things about weddings is that they tend to be a translation and a fusion of the bride’s and groom’s personalities. That is, when you walk into the Isthmuses wedding reception at say, The Depot, it will feel like you and your FH as a couple, and it will be totally different than the wedding reception held at the exact same venue the weekend before because that was a representation of that particular couple. Where am I going with this? If you tend to be a detail-oriented person, then it’s totally normal for you to "fuss" about details in wedding planning. And that’s a good thing, because it means you’ll have all those nice special touches on your wedding day that will make the wedding and reception very representative of you and your FH.
If you don’t do the fans, and if you don’t have the dance, and if you just go along with the flow, the end result won’t be as much "you." I say, order those fans (it’ll be hot in August!) and keep fussing. And have fun!
Post # 4
I completely feel your pain! My mom also had a very small wedding, and did it in her friends backyard, her friends mom made her dress, and I also feel like when I mention things like having gelatto stands at the reception she looks at me like I have 2 heads…. I do think that the fact that her dad passed away when she was only 11 had a lot to do with her probably not having the wedding she really wanted. So sometimes, I feel like it’s a little bit like there’s a hint of sadness and maybe jealousy behind the disapproving comments. I try to involve her as much as possible, but sometimes she doesn’t seem that into it. She loves my fiance, and is happy that we are getting married, plus Nate and I are paying for half of the wedding, so it’s not like she just doesnt want to pay for things…. I feel badly that it brings up sad memories for her:(
Post # 5
Keep up with those details. And don’t be ashamed. You have great ideas. Your guests will be thankful for those fans. Ask mom how she’ll feel when the guests are all grumpy and melting from the heat. Then they’re all sweaty for the rest of the day.
The only thing that you have to work out is the fact that she’s footing the bill. Could she put her money towards the things she feels are important (big tickets like food and bar)? Then you and you FI can take care of the details yourself. If you need more help, is his family likely to support you in those areas? If you are relying solely on your mother’s money to pay for the wedding you might have some trouble convincing her to fork it over for things she doesn’t approve of.
Post # 6
Thanks for the support, girls! I am glad to hear I am not just being overly crazy with paying attention to details, and yes, I think you are right.. the fans will pay off… she’ll probably even use them :).