Post # 1
So yesterday, I called my mother to see if she wanted to come visit me to look for wedding dresses in January – she replied “No, not really.” I was so hurt and I know she could tell in my voice. SHe then started backtracking and suggested we talk over Christmas about dates. She’s made a few other comments to the effect that while she’d excited, she’s not really interested and surprised that “I care so much about it”. My mother has done a fantastic job raising my brother and I in some tough circumnstances which makes me feel guilty about being upset by her lack of excitement in my wedding. Most of my friend’s had the opposite issue with their mothers leading up to their wedding so they can’t relate – anyone else have a similar situtation? I know I just need to get over it, and I will but my FI is sick of hearing about it so I thought I’d vent here. 😉
Post # 3
I am totally right there with you. My mother can’t stand even hearing the word wedding and any conversation I have with her ends in a huge blowout. So needless to say we are paying for it ourselves and she’s still unhappy but i’m paying for it so dadgum its gonna be how i want!
Post # 4
That’s the funny thing, my mom is chipping in a little… she just doesn’t have an opinion on ANYTHING – other than I just shouldn’t spend too much $$ or time on it.
Post # 5
Can you tell her that you were kind of hurt? I’m all about throwing your feelings out on the table…trust me if the communication isn’t open now, it’s only going to get worse. That being said, my mom is kind of checked out when it comes to wedding stuff. This is her third MOB in three years and she’s really tired of it. :-/
Post # 6
I thought my mom would be the exact same way, but she’s really surprised me. Maybe it’s just parts of the planning that your mom isn’t interested in. My mom couldn’t care less about a lot of the planning details, but there are certain things that she is VERY opinionated on (like the fact that I HAVE to wear a veil). It’s hit or miss and so I just talk to her about the stuff she seems interested in and leave the rest out. Maybe you haven’t gotten on a topic that she likes yet?
I do think the most impt thing is that she’s excited for your marriage, though.
Post # 7
I think weddings have become this huge event with months if not years of preparation, but this is relatively new, and so parents often don’t see them the same way. My parents had a very simple wedding (month-long engagement, rented a restaurant with music and dancing, got a dress, and invited about 50 friends/family). The fact that I’m putting so much time and money into the planning is foreign to them, and my mom doesn’t really care about most details.
I don’t think your mom is trying to hurt you, and I wouldn’t take it too personally if I were you. It’s never fun when those close to you aren’t as involved in wedding planning as you are, but people are different, and you have to respect their opinions.
See if there are parts of the wedding that she’s more interested in. But if she does get involved, be ready to do things her way. For example, if she comes dress shopping, maybe she’ll suggest something simple and cheap or maybe she’ll want to go to one place and pick something out on your first time there. If you feel differently, perhaps it’s a better idea not to go with her.
@paz – my mom is just like yours – she was super opinionated on a few things, including wearing a veil 🙂
Post # 8
My mom was SO not interested with anything wedding. She didn’t even want to see me IN the dress after I bought it…LOL. She said that she will wait for the wedding video to see it on the actual day =) *shrugs* that’s how my mom is so I let her do what she wants. She was more concerned with my hair than the dress. I would say..let her pick and choose the things she wants to be involved with. If you bring something up and she doesn’t see interested…don’t press.
Post # 9
My mom was the same way with my wedding, but then she was totally into my older sister’s wedding. It’s how she’s been all our lives. Anyone who thinks they can change their mom is crazy 🙂 One thing that helped me through it, since I’d always dreamed of the great bonding experience I had hoped to have with my mom for my wedding, was to change the way I looked at it. I convinced myself that my mom wasn’t interested in my wedding because she knew I had it handled. My sister, on the other hand, NEEDED her help. And that’s how it is in life too 🙂 It’s all in how you look at things! Because the bottom line is….who wants to force someone to be a part of their life when that person just doesn’t want to be? Once I opened my eyes I saw that my in-laws were waiting in the shadows to become involved. And they’re MAGNIFICENT! 🙂