Post # 1
My daughter is getting married in May. She has a beautiful dress w/train, 5 bridesmaids, we have cloth table cloths all bought, damask runners and cloth napkins. eiffel tower vases w/ostrich feathers, etc.. Her and her FI want to have Qudoba cater their reception meal (which although I’m not crazy about it, i can handle), but she wants to use their paper plates and cheap plasticware. I’ve been very supportive of her decisions for this wedding, but I’m really having a hard time with the paper plates. She also doesn’t want to have glasses on the table, as everyone will go to the bar for their drinks and will get glasses there. Am I being out of line for thinking I would like her to have nice table settings? I’m even willing to pay for them, but I don’t know how to approach her with this as I know it’s her wedding and she should have what she wants.
Post # 3
Are there other less classy things going on with this wedding that you haven’t mentioned so we’ll think the paper plates are out of synch with the rest of it, or is this seriously the only thing that is out of the ordinary? Offer to pay just in case they’re doing it to save money – if she says no, deal with the paper. Sorry.
I do agree about having glasses on the tables though. They’re for water, which I’m sure nobody will expect to have to go to the bar for.
Post # 4
It seems like there has to be a reason she’s leaning toward the paper plates and such. Is she concerned with the budget or wanting to spend the money on something else maybe? I would just talk to her and tell her about how you’re willing to pay for the place settings. Maybe say something like “If you were wanting place settings but concerned about budgeting them in I’d be happy to help you out with that.” I don’t see as big of a deal with doing plates and glasses at the buffet and bar, rather than on the table though. If guests aren’t being served at the table it should work fine that way and with the other decor you described I’m sure it will still look nice.
Post # 5
I’d be a little cautious criticizing her choices. However, maybe if you can find other disposable flatware that’s classier that Qdoba’s, you could suggest using that? And for glasses, maybe ask about water glasses on the tables with pitchers/carafes, and then people can get their other drinks at the bar? I do agree that it would look nicer that way, but in the scheme of things it’s not really worth starting a fight over. Congratulations, btw.
Post # 6
Eiffel tower vases with ostrich feathers and paper plates and plastic cutlery doesn’t add up.
I’m not sure what the other issue with the caterer is. You say that you can handle it but I’m not sure what would be wrong with it in the first place.
Maybe just ask your daughter if the paper/plastic decision is preferential or financial, if it’s financial they offer to pay for the settings, if it’s preferential, start sourcing nice paper plates?
Post # 7
Agree with deliciousappleblue it’s very possible that your daughter is choosing the cheaper option for dishes to save money and as long as she isn’t stubborn your offer to pay for nicer things should be a godsend… otherwise, don’t hesitate to voice your opinion. My mother hasn’t and ultimately I end up appreciating what she has said. Sometimes in the heat of my decicions I don’t necessarily think everything through. It may not even have occured to your daughter that these dishes will look out of place. I don’t know how important the water glasses are. It depends on your guests. We aren’t doing them because my guests are lushes and water is the last thing they will be seeking to drink. ha. I hope this helps. Good luck!
Post # 8
@NYE Gal: Qudoba is a fast foodish national mexican chain resturant in the USA. I think that is why she has an issue with it. They do have great food but I wouldn’t think of it as wedding food. However, I do have friend that had them do her wedding too. So maybe it isn’t as unheard of as you would think.
Is the wedding indoors or outdoors. Often dispossible goods seem to pass better for outdoor weddings. I would try to talk about it with your daught but try your best not to be pushy and if she says no it is what she wants then I guess you will have to deal with it. I wouldn’t want to fight with her over what she wants.
Post # 9
Are you having a Mexican style buffet? Maybe that’s why she wants to have the paper plate?
I don’t know..I wouldn’t be too thrilled about having to deal with paper plates at a sit down wedding. It would be different if the wedding theme was a BBQ or clambake, but I am not getting that vibe from what you described.
Where are you having the reception? In a hall, a backyard, at a hotel?
You had another post about the napkins so I’m assuming that where you are having the reception doesn’t offer plates-I could be totally wrong, so forgive me for assuming. Maybe your daughter doesn’t see the point of buying numerous plates? Maybe you can offer to rent them through a party planner or something like that-that might make her feel a bit more comfortable.
Post # 10
@Nola: Thank you, that makes way more sense now!
I still stick with my same advice.
Post # 11
It seems a little weird to have all those fancy things and then have paper plates and plastic ware for food. Offer to pay for better dishes and silverware if you can afford it. Chances are your daughter is probably trying to cut costs somewhere and doesn’t want to pay for upgraded dishware herself.
But yeah, as a guest at a wedding I would think it would be odd to have all those fancy decorations and tablecloths and then be eating off paper plates with plasticware.
I would have no problem going to the bar for my alcoholic drinks, as long as glasses of water were already on the table. You shouldn’t have to go to the bar for water, but for anything else it’s fine.
Post # 12
I’m using plastic forks and knives.. they are the type that look like stainless steel but they arent. My plates are also made to look like china but actually arent.. I dont want to have to deal with rental of china and table ware, but aside from this the linen is real.. I’m not too bothered about what people may think.. its the cheaper easier option for me
Post # 13
I’m a huge fan of real dishes and real cutlery. I’m a foody and love the art of the dinner table. If it was a 6 year olds birthday or a picnic, I’d think plastic could be appropriate. What I love about using real dishes and flatware is that they don’t end up in the landfill – the eco side of things can play into the factor. If you don’t like what she’s doing, offer to pay for it.
Post # 14
I didn’t read through all the responses so it may have already been said, but what about offering her the plastic plates that look real? Same w/ the silverware. We also did not have glasses at the place settings, so I can’t offer any advice on that.
Post # 15
@annettem: Why don’t you offer to pay and see what she says? If I was her, I would be in no way offended by that gesture. If she still insists on using disposable dinnerware I suppose there’s nothing else you can say that won’t offend her, but maybe she chose to go with disposables because she didn’t think she had any choice financially.
Post # 16
so its like a filbertos? ewwww i wouldnt want them to cater my wedding even if it was free!