Weddingbee boards

Hi guys-

I don't know what to do.  My mom is helping pay for the wedding, so I like to take her suggestions into consideration, but I feel like instead of me compromising with her, it's turning into her doing whatever she wants.....and I'm getting really frustrated with her.  I try to stand my ground but she REFUSES to acknowledge that I might have any valid opinion.....I feel like my wedding is going to look like it's someone elses and I'm getting really upset. 

I understand that I'm an unconventional person, so I gave on some stuff.  I wanted a black or burgundy dress, she said no, so I got white.  I wanted a Halloween wedding, she said our relatives would show up in crazy costumes, I said fine.  I wanted to do edible or NO favors, she said no she wants sachets, I said, through gritted teeth, FINE.  Now she's contesting the fact that I want to use Edward Gorey pics for the table numers.  It's such a dumb thing but I am finally drawing the line and saying 'no this is want I want' and she's refusing to accept it.  Oh and I went to her house to design the invitations and she couldn't get her printer to work so I left them there, went home, and came back the next day to finish.....and she had changed them and prited them already on the paper I bought.  She added goofy looking bells and I think it looks like s*** and nothing like I wanted.  I am so beyond upset, but I don't know how to tell her to back off.  The only thing I can think to do is leave her out of the rest of the planning......has anyone else dealt with this?  (I'm sure it's not uncommon lol)

I just feel like I'm going to show up at this wedding and first off, it's going to be a hot mess, and second....I'm not even going to feel like it's mine.

We are paying for half of it ourselves, she is not paying for the whole thing.  And I didn't want our guests in cosutme either but that's just what she threw out for the reason to NOT have it on Halloween.  My style isn't wanting a 'Halloween' themed wedding I just like dark and romantic with a touch of whimsy and she seems to want cheesy and corny and very convential.  Which obv I was OK with incorporating, but I just feel like because I 'gave' on some things she thinks she can walk all over me.  What pisses me off the most is the stuff I am paying for is STILL getting changed to what she wants, like our invitations that I'm now forced to send out.

I wish I had thought of something like spiwingal did; 3 things that are important.  But I didn't anticipate she would be so insane. 

I am seriously at the point where from now on I'm just going to do whatever I want, because she's gotten her way on most everything already. 

I just hate to leave her out completely, I feel like that would be vindictive.....but I also feel like if I talk to her about my feelings she'll either tell me I'm being too sensitive or call me a bridezilla, which she keeps doing, even though I am obviously NOT. 

Ummmm....sadly it's not the wedding that's making her insensitive....that's just how my family is.  No one wants to talk about their 'feelings' they would rather make a joke about it and push you away again. 

But I do think you're right I might as well say something, and then if she makes a sarcastic remark about it......let well enough alone and leave her out. 

Noelle-a-Belle - I am sorry you are dealing with this!  I don't have any specific advice, I just wanted to let you know that I LOVE Edward Gorey drawings!  They have such a vintage, retro look, but they also incorporate that edgy whimsey you are talking about.  If I were doing a sit-down meal, I would totally steal your idea for the table numbers!

@mhirni- glad someone likes my idea lol!!!  My mom seems to think it will scare the guests.

I haven't read all the comments, but I would suggest invovling your dad, sibling or close aunt. From your post it sounds like your gentle nudging is not enough and someone else needs to sit down with her and talk about boundaries and allowing you to make choices for your wedding. If it came from someone else she migth hear it differently then how you've been attempting to get your point across. Good luck!

I'm pretty headstrong, once I'd reached breaking point like you seem to have done I'd have told her I want no monetary input for the wedding. If that's whats taking it's hold on what you can and can't have, I'd rather wait, save and have the wedding  me and my OH want, rather than something my mum wants.

That's just me though. I'd rather pay myself and have it my way, than accept an offer of help and have to smile and accept someone elses ideas.

SO UGH it starts again, now on and on about the music.  She told my dad she hates the song he chose for the father/daughter dance.  I told her 'mom it's not your choice' and she calls me bridezilla. 

She told me she doesn't understand my cake topper, which is just one cat, to represent OUR cat, she says that we need to have two people on the cake, not a cat.  I'm seriously ready to murder her, I keep telling her, it's not her wedding, it's not all about her.  I've compromised so much and she's still making me absolutely crazy. 

I'm just venting now but seriously, she's friggin crazy, I can't take it.

O and get this; we specifically addressed the invites/RSVP cards so singles couldn't bring a date unless they were involved with someone, and yet she's calling them telling them they can.  WE DON'T HAVE SPACE FOR THIS I am going out of my mind here.

I have been saying no, it's just like she's not even listening. Its like it goes in one of her hard-headed ears and out the other, w/out registering at all. And she's trying to take over on things that she's not even involved in. She's not paying for the DJ. She's not paying for much of anything except the food.  She even had the audacity to say that our 'first dance song' was 'ok' but not 'great'.   As if she has any say in it. 

My fiance is supportive of me, but I would never expect him to talk to my mom about anything.  She's way too difficult.  And he has problem enough trying to talk to his own mom about stuff.