Post # 1
I know it is several months away before we order invitations to our wedding, but I have an invitation RSVP etiquette question. We recieved a formal wedding invitation for our friends’ upcoming wedding yesterday in the mail. I noticed that this is the 2nd wedding invite we have gotten that has the RSVP card mailing address sent to the parents of the bride (or host of the wedding), which got me to worrying about our invites. I never noticed before, but it looks like all invite wedding etiquette sites state that “wedding RSVP’s should always be sent to the one hosting the wedding (in my case my parents) as well as gifts”. I realize this rule was made when most people still lived with their parents or at least within the same general vacinity of each other, but times have changed. I cannot seem to find any modernized updates of this etiquette rule. My parents happen to live over 577 miles away from us and where the wedding/reception is taking place. I really want my Fiance and I to be the ones to open the returned RSVP cards, but this is impossible unless my parents mail bulk unopened cards to our address. I also read that gifts from guests are always mailed to the host’s address that is supplied on the RSVP card, but that would lead us to doing a 10hr drive to their house and back to pick-up the gifts.
Does it look really bad to supply our mailing address on the RSVP card instead of my parents? Can I place my parents’ names at the top of the RSVP card and then C/O our name and address or is this tacky? How many people actually take notice with a change in address? I would love advice from anyone else going/gone through a similar situation! Thanks Bees!
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
I think you should do whatever is easiest and makes sense for you! It sounds like it would be a huge hassle to send RSVPs and gifts to your parents’ house, so even though they’re technically hosting, I’d just give your address. It makes things so much easier, and I wouldn’t think twice about it!
Post # 4
We used our address (FI and I that is) and we are having our gifts sent to our house as well!
Do what you want – I dont think its a BIG deal! 🙂
Post # 5
We just put our names & address. I’ve never heard that the RSVP’s were supposed to go out to the people hosting it. Weird and Oops! 😉
Post # 6
I’d have the RSVP mailed to your own place. I think the etiquette of having RSVPs and gifts mailed to the bride’s parents is a holdover from the time when most girls lived at home until marriage.
Post # 7
We had it sent to my mom’s house simply because my stepfather is anal about getting the mail and nothing would get lost that way. We have had problems with the mail at our house in the past so this seemed the safest alternative.
Post # 8
We had it sent to my parents’ house because I was moving for a new job around the time we would be mailing them out, so I didn’t know my address when I ordered them. If I had an address, I might have had them sent to me (not sure though, it would seem weird writing Miss Leprechaun on the front?). I would call my mom every day when I got home from work, and she would open them with me on the phone and read them out to me. She then wrapped them all up and tucked them in with our wedding presents, which was such a nice surprise after our honeymoon!
Post # 9
I had them sent to my name at my parent’s address only b/c I don’t trust the USPS to actually get them to us. We regularly only get half of our mail and I didn’t to risk it.
Post # 10
We have our RSVPs coming back to us (FI and I). Honestly, I don’t know that I’ve ever paid attention to the address on the RSVP envelope. Use whatever address you’re most comfortable with.
Post # 11
Thanks Bees for the quick response! I just don’t want to upset Emily Post, the older guests that are sticklers for proper formal etiquette, or be judged by previous brides attending our wedding that will pay attention this small detail slip. I’m shocked no bee has gone against this idea so far…keep ideas/opinions coming!
Post # 12
I never realized it mattered. We put our names on everything. Although, we recently attended DH’s cousin’s wedding and the invite was from one set of parents and the RSVP card was to be mailed to the other set. I had never seen that before.
Post # 13
I would definitely use your address on the RSVPs, that’s what we did and it was so much fun checking the mailbox everyday plus we had quite a few stragglers that sent theirs in just before the due date and I wouldn’t have wanted to wait for my parents to forward those along. We also used our address to register so all gifts were sent directly to our house which was key since my parents live 12 hours away.
Post # 14
Many etiquette “rules” are out-dated and don’t account for the financial burden of their rigid structure. If you were Chelsea Clinton you could follow this rule and it wouldn’t matter because the cost of mailing the gifts on is “negligble.” But if that would be a significant cost to you, then I suggest you ignore this one (of many) etiquette rule that causes more inconvenience than convenience.
Post # 15
As you’ll frequently find, a lot of etiquette rules are highly outdated. There was a day and time where a woman lived in the home of her mother and father until the day she became a wife. Therefore, it would have made sense for gifts/RSVPs to go to her parents. Not only that, but the female’s parents also used to be solely responsible for paying wedding expenses. Therefore, it would have been their perogative to receive RSVPs.
Now, most women live on their own, away from their parents. A lot of people are paying for their own weddings, too. So, it makes more sense now for the bride and groom to receive gifts and RSVPs at their own residence. Unless, of course, someone prefers to stick with the old methods, or there is something preventing them from receving things at their own address.
Post # 16
We did what made the most sense, and that was that my daughters got the RSVP’s sent to them. I don’t think many people notice the difference anyway, so do what works for you!