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I've no idea if this would help anybody else, but what I do when I see something on the internet that really gets me raging, is I type out a huge response. I swear, I call the OP/author every name in the book, insult their mother etc - hold NOTHING back.
By the time I'm finished ranting, my anger is usually spent. Then I delete it, and if I still feel like responding I can usually hold back, and end up more clearly and reasonably stating my opinion.
Only once did this backfire, when I accidentally hit "post" mid-rant. Now I do it in a word processing program, then copy-paste if I really still feel like posting it.
That is great advice!! Thanks for posting it, hopefully it will come in handy for those who feel a little snarky coming on:)
@JenniBride:I've done this before too...in a word document though so that I can't accidentally do that because that is sooo what would end up happening to me.
@moderndaisy:Thanks for posting this! I think everyone needs a reminder and everything that you said makes a lot of sense :)
I agree with all your points. The one concern I have here is that there is so much pressure to "be nice", that I don't think that members are getting honest feedback.
New members especially will often not recognize that a lack of response to a posted centerpiece idea ,for example, really means that people don't like it. I don't feel that I could safely say "I don't like it". Our thoughts always have to be couched in phrases like "Have you thought about...?"
I would rather have honest, straight forward feedback.
Perhaps the site admins need to look at the original intent of this site and reconsider the necessity of some of the various boards. Are they serving the purpose of the site?
I also think the admin and the mods contribute to the drama by particpating in the posts. I think the bees would be much better served by keeping communications private. I also think that works both ways. Bees who start long, flaming threads of outrage have an obligation to communicate with the admins first. If they haven't followed a respectful process by raisng their concerns directly with the powers that be, I would be quite comfortable having their posts deleted.
@JenniBride: I do this allll the time. Not necessarily here, but when I get an e-mail that really irks me word is up instantly and by the time I'm done I feel a million times better.
how about the flip side; stop asking for opinions and not receiving them as such. Stop asking questions ('tell me if you think this is tacky?') that are open ended. Start using the search engine.
I think posters have to be more responsible too
i agree 1000000000000000%
my two cents: i think there's also something to be said about how to word comments; when i disagree with something i often couch what i say with a lot of "in my experience," "in my opinion," or "if it were me..." kind of phrases so it's clear i'm not making blanket statements or generalizations. it sounds like a really little thing, but sometimes i think it's just people's tone that ruffles feathers. it's about disagreeing respectfully.
I'd say I delete about 25% of what I write in the comment box. Not necessarily because I'm being rude/snarky but because I always ask myself "is this worth it?". Do I care enough about disagreeing with the poster to become part of the discussion. A lot of times the answer is no and I move on. Also, I don't see the way people respond on this site so much as sugarcoating things as much as providing constructive criticism. I don't tell my friends "its ugly" and walk away in real life. I say "thats not really working, what about this" so I don't act any differently on this site.
@LGenz: I'm right there with you, and agree 100 percent. Wasn't sure I was even going to comment on this particular thread.
@LGenz: i totally agree about constructive criticism. if i don't like something, i tend not to post anything, not because i'm worried about being flagged but because it's so much a matter of personal style and taste. like, totally honestly: i really don't like sparkly bling on dresses 98% of the time. but that's just me, i realize many people DO in fact like that. i'm not going to waste my time posting on every single blingy dress that i don't like it.
@julies1949: Thanks I just added my #5 which I completely forgot about prior to posting this thread. As far as the necessity of various boards, I know I voted "yes" on adding several of them in the past and haven't seen a reason to remove them since, but I'm not sure if they're the ones you are referring to. The mods and admins ** in my opinion ** are doing a good job of balancing monitering the boards and letting it flow organically. It seems to be an ever evolving and challenging process with no perfect solution, but that is exactly why I thought of this thread!
To those who said they delete things they were going to say or 'couch' comments, good for you!! I think that's also an excellent way to hold back on unnecessary snarkiness 'in the heat of the moment' and not contribute negatively when you could reword it to be more constructive.
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Beekeeper
I have some advice I'd like to share that may help prevent snarky comments before they are made. I've learned this from personal experience (and some help from my wonderful DH who has never hurt a fly in his life). I'm not claiming to be perfect. In fact, I've made my share of snarky comments. But we all learn from our mistakes and can hopefully help each other out to be better.
#1: No posting when you're mad or in a bad mood. For the same reasons you stop yourself from sending a work email when you're angry, do the same thing on WB. Just get off the site for a minute, or move to another thread that doesn't have any drama. Cool off first.
#2: Don't take anything personally. For the most part, we don't actually know each other. So how can we really be offended if someone disagrees or tells us we're wrong? Remind yourself these people don't know you and are just going off the little bit of information you provided online.
#3: Accept the fact that not everyone will agree with your opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own and people like to play devils advocate on purpose to get you to think. It's meant to be helpful most of the time and when it's not, just ignore it.
#4: When a thread is going south, stop posting to bump it. If we all discourage this behavior together, sooner or later it just won't be tolerated in the hive. We are a community for better or worse and we can choose to be a positive force.
#5: Post as if your online audience is actually in the room with you. So yes, you can still disagree or tell someone they didn't make the best dress choice (in your opinion, of course), but say it in a nice and respectful manner. Say it like you would tell your best friend, assuming you would be so bold in real life.
Anyone else have advice? Feel free to share!