- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I'm always surprised when people say that strapless dresses aren't modest. I tried on a bunch of dresses, strapless and non, and the non-strapless dresses were way more low-cut and showed way more cleavage. For me, the strapless dresses were actually much more modest.
But if your'e really worried about it, I'd recommend wearing a bolero instead of adding straps. Spaghetti straps won't really make it more modest, and anything thicker would look strange with the dress, I think.
Who were these people commenting on the strapless dress at the reception? Elderly churchladies? It's one thing for people to comment if it was IN a church maybe, although really people should keep their opinions to themselves because strapless is just kind of the norm these days. But a reception? Come on. Are your family/friends really religious/traditional that you think they'll actually comment on it? That's so rude IMO. It is not immodest to have bare shoulders at a wedding reception.
No it wasn’t in a church. They had a small religious ceremony with just family earlier. This was just a reception at a banquet hall. But the bride went all out and wore a white ballgown and veil for the reception.
I should mention that my fiancé’s family is Catholic (we aren’t having a church ceremony though) but most of their relatives and friends are Muslim.
I was really shocked also because the primary girl making the comments was around my age (27) or a bit younger. I didn’t think she’s was very religious (she doesn’t wear a head covering) but she was still commenting on the bare shoulders. But it wasn’t just her. I heard this from quite a few people of various ages.
Maybe a Bolero or a wrap/shawl but more importantly was the wedding you were talking about someplace that people might think inappropriate to have bare shoulders? Is your crowd a conservative crowd? Unless it's inside a church or other religious sanctuary what's the problem with bare shoulders? I've been hard pressed to find a dress that's NOT strapless. Was the talk coming from a much older crowd?
Seriously? This is the most bizarre thing I have ever read about wedding gowns. Someone tell the crowd to fast forward. I understand why some would not want a strapless gown for the ceremony in a place of worship, but at a reception? IT'S A PARTY! YOU'RE PROBABLY YOUNG! Rock the strapless - that's all I am saying.
It's not anyone's business to impose their cultural or religious beliefs on you. Wear what you want.
I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure it could be the Muslim religion I think it's pretty taboo to show that much skin so that could be where it was coming from.
Any of those other options would work if you want them. Don't feel that you have to change your wedding day look, as long as it fits in your own standards of what is appropriate and beautiful.
so wait, how many people at YOUR wedding will be Muslim? And will it be in a Catholic Church? I am Catholic and have seen a thousand different types of dresses enter a church, including strapless. But you can err on the side of modesty with a bolero...
I hate to point this out but if your friends are more mainstream american than his family and friends, they are likely to talk if you wear a "modest" dress. :) It really really sucks that anyone feels free to judge what a woman is wearing as if it's any of their business and not a ridiculous obsession but the truth is some people will be assholes no matter what. Wear what you are comfortable with.
I don’t personally see anything wrong with strapless gowns. And I wouldn’t think to look twice about anyone that was in one. But to what extent should you alter your style to accommodate your guests?
I would say that maybe 40% of my guest list would be Muslim and another 30% Catholics who grew up in a Muslim country and have nearly the same modesty standards.
Heh....it would be funny if guys showed off their shoulders at a wedding.
But honestly, I have no idea how being covered from chest to toes in white fabric is immodest. It's a gorgeous dress. If your shoulders cause people to get aroused, I'm going to have to say that's their problem....haven't heard of too many people with shoulder fetishes.
I wanted to add that I don’t really have a lot of family that will be able to come, so 70% of the guest list is from my fiancé’s side.
I would alter my personal style ZERO percent for my guests. There are certain things you do for a wedding with your guests' comfort in mind - food, booze, etc. What you wear to get married in is none of their business. I understand standards of modesty in the Muslim community, and to a lesser extent the Catholic community, are different, but you are getting married (I presume) in America where it's not only acceptable but the norm.
ETA: What does your FI have to say about this? Have you discussed it with him?
It's funny that about 80% of wedding dresses are strapless, but then brides are chastised for being "too bare." Really, this wasn't our idea!
I didn't want a strapless dress at first but eventually wound up with one because that's mostly what's available. I love my dress, but might talk to the seamstress about adding straps or cap sleeves at my fitting. I'd also consider wearing a wrap or leaving my elbow veil on through dinner if I feel too nekkid.
I agree that strapless dresses tend to show less cleavage than those with straps. Go figure.
Well, I already showed my fiancé the dress and he said it looks fine and that I should wear what I like. But then again people aren’t going to be looking askance at him….
I think I’ll just get a bolero of some sort. This way if I feel uncomfortable, I can always put it on.
Does anyone have any recommendations on what type of bolero would look good with a tulle dress?
I wore a bolero which became my favorite accessory. It was so hard to find a dress with sleeves! I got a La Sposa for an incredible deal at a sample sale but the straps (they consider straps to be cap sleeves these days...) didn't cover my shoulders. I bought a bolero on Etsy from this seller, who was doing custom orders at the time.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/maryandangelika
It sounds like you're pretty worried about this, so although I don't think you need to cover your shoulders (I'm not, and I'm getting married in a cathedral), it sounds like you might feel more comfortable in yourself if you do. If you've started worrying like this it might be hard for you to completely put it out of your mind (I speak as a constant worrier!)
Enzoani have a really nice range of jackets/boleros that are a little more unique in their styling. This one might work nicely with your dress, while still being pretty stylish and different:
Picture_57.png (254 KB, 42 downloads) 2 years old 
Personally, I wouldn't give a rat's ass what someone else thought of me in my dress. That's their opinion and I have MINE and if MY opinion says "strapless is ok", I'm wearing the strapless.
Other people being judgemental shouldn't make you uncomfortable. It's their belief, not yours.
I think shoulders are the least of our worries in our society nowadays, though...
Also, if they are muslim, and you are serving pork, they'll probably not be too happy. Just saying. You can only be so accomodating.
I certainly took my guests into consideration when selecting my gown. My FI's family is a very conservative southern baptist bunch and my family is also very conservative with my father being a minister. We are getting married in a chapel by a minister. I didn't want to have one of my first impressions of me to be tainted with whispers about how indecent I was, how much skin I was showing, etc. I want to fit in and be well accepted into their family and also not offend my parents. I had a hard time finding a dress with sleeves that also didn't show too much cleavage or back skin when I was searching on-line. When I went dress shopping with my strict criteria and budget, I found a dress in one day!.....I ended up with a classy short sleeved dress and I compromised a bit on the back (the back goes down to a little bit lower than where a bra strap usually sits) but at least it doesn't show a lot of cleavage.
I think you are doing the right thing in deciding to wear the bolero. You don't want to start off on the wrong foot. You will still look amazingly beautiful and you will feel more comfortable :o)
that sounds priggish to me (sp?). come on folks, this is 2010, i mean, if we have lady gaga out there, i am sure that you showing a little shoulder isn't going to cause fainting in the aisle. however, if you really want to cover up a bit, as others have mentioned, there are some freakin ADORABLE bolero jackets out on etsy these days. it depends on what your dress looks like...do you have pics?
I agree, if it's not what you want.. dont do it. I have been to dozens of weddings with girls in strapless dresses, and NOONE has said anything about modesty.
If you WANT I'd look into a lace bolero, or even one to match your dress. Straps could change the entire look of your dress. Do you have pictures of the one that you bought?
i would go with a bolero..pronovias dresses usually comes with boleros, maybe you want to check on that?? and then if u feel comfortable you can always take it off... but if i were you i wouldnt give a dime, it is your day and you do whatever you like...
I would stick with what you got. If you really love your dress, don't worry about it. I don't think that a strapless dress should cause such a stir. I am wearing one and my FI's family is pretty conservative and I don't think they will find it unmodest. Also, I agree with what was said earlier, most of the non-strapless dresses i tried on showed more than the one I got.
Sorry people are like that! I had a bolero because it was January(didnt warm me up though!)... I got it from Bonzie on Etsy. Here are some pics of me in it on Bonzie's site. Totally love their work, I highly recommend it if you want to go that route!
I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I think I’m going to sell my dress. While I really like the dress, it is going to be very warm and heavy for an outdoor ceremony in the middle of summer. I was thinking about the bolero for a while, but I get hot really easily and I would hate to be wearing a bolero that I would feel uncomfortable taking off.
http://classifieds.weddingbee.com/topic/for-sale-pronovias-laica-size-12-499
I’ve posted my dress in the classified for the price I paid for it OBO if anyone is interested.
And I thank you all for your recommendations. :)
I wouldnt worry about what others think and wear what you want. If you really want to cover your shoulders for yourself and not because of others then I would suggest a bolero.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Rivendeler | 14 |
| Suikerbossie | 9 |
| Rojocameo | 9 |
| Future Mrs K | 8 |
| ellisrobertson | 8 |
| janetsnakehole | 6 |
| MrsOliveBird | 5 |
| ladyartichoke | 5 |
| NehaPrasad92 | 5 |
| ndreighton | 5 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
 deborah.dehlinger |
2 |
| pipafarell | 2 |
| Loribeth | 1 |
| beekiss | 1 |
| ashron | 1 |
| krisanne | 1 |
| kat2014 | 1 |
| fresitachulita | 1 |
| Bride2BeeVA28 | 1 |
| csdncer2013 | 1 |
Well, here’s my dilemma. I purchased a dress in December of last year before I really knew where/when I would be getting married. Fast forward a few months and while we still don’t have anything official, we are probably getting married in Lake Tahoe in September of this year.
So while I’m still happy with the general fabric and shape of the dress, I’m really regretting buying a strapless one.
I was okay with it until I attended the wedding of one of my fiancé’s friends. The bride (who looked very pretty IMHO!) was wearing a strapless ball gown. And I didn’t think anything of it until I started listening to the people around me. And oh my goodness… Most of the people around were apparently very shocked that she would be walking around the reception with bare shoulders.
And while I knew that they were a very conservative crowd, I never before thought that bare shoulders would be causing such a stir.
While I know that I shouldn’t care what they think, I really, really, hate being the center of attention (The thought of being stared at by 100+ people has also helped to fuel my procrastination, so that 7 months after my engagement, I still don’t have anything planned).
I purchased a Pronovias Laica (ivory) for about $500 at a sample sale. So I’m not too concerned about selling/donating the dress and buying another one because I’m not really out that much money. So would it be worth my while to add straps to this? A bolero? Or just look for a dress with straps so that at least part of my shoulders are covered?
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.