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Should I give in or stand my ground?
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Any Pics of Deep purple Weddings??

MOG dress a bit much...help

posted 1 year ago in Family
  • 1 Members Subscribed To Topic
  • poll: Should I...
    Let it go, everyone knows thats how she dresses and would expect nothing less : (42 votes)
    43 %
    Intervene and talk to her about it : (4 votes)
    4 %
    Have my FH talk to her about it : (50 votes)
    52 %
    Other (explain below) : (1 votes)
    1 %
  •  
    1.
    Member
    19 posts
    Newbee
    CAmrs    July 2, 2011  

    Hello!  I am a frequent poster on the bee but I really dont want any hurt feelings about my posts so I made a new name.  Here is the problem.  My FH's mom is quite a bit younger tha my mom. She is in very good shape and has large fake boobs.  She just sent me link to the dress she ordered for the wedding. I havent even purchaed my dress yet or my BM's.  The dress has a slit all the way up the thigh and the top is a V neck and goes all the way down to the brest bone...im serious.  My mom saw it and was shoked that she was planning on wearing that.  My FMIL is known to dress quite provoctively.  What do I do?  Do I just go with the flow and not worry or do I say something? If so how do you say that without insulting anyone.

     
    2.
    Member
    318 posts
    Helper bee
    Ms. MoxieMonkey       Los Angeles

    Oh, lordy.  This is a tough one.  I voted for "let it go", because she will be the one who looks totally inappropriate at the wedding.  Not you or your girls.  Um, I mean your bridesmaids. 

    My friend's mother wore a huge ivory ballgown to her wedding.  It looked like there were 2 brides.  It was so awkward.  Everyone just ended up feeling sorry for her mom.   Some people only feel good about themselves when they are the center of attention.  Perhaps your future MIL is that way.

    The only thing I may do - if your family is conservative - is maybe ask her to wear a wrap or shawl for the ceremony (if it's in a church) or maybe the pictures?

    You could play the conservative card here, if that's a factor.

     

     
    3.
    Member
    1,992 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Moose1209       Nashville, TN

    Is your FH uncomfortable with it?  I would leave it up to him whether or not anything should be said.  I certainly can't imagine that my husband would be comfortable with his mom wearing something like that, no matter how in shape she is.  She is an adult and should be allowed to dress herself, but I think her son has the right to let her know if she is making him uncomfortable on his own wedding day.  He can't force her to change what she's wearing, but he can let her know how he feels about it and leave it up to her what to do.

     
    4.
    Member
    235 posts
    Helper bee
    MrsFernandez    April 30, 2011   DR, Wedding in Long Island.

    If that is the way she normally dresses theres nothing you can do about it. She just wont listen to you or your FI. They wont talking about you at the wedding, if they have any comments they probably wont say anything if they're used to seeing her wearing things like that.

     
    5.
    Member
    623 posts
    Busy bee
    gcwest    June 25, 2011   Washington DC, wedding in CT

    Don't say anything, it's her business how she dresses herself.  It's going to reflect on her, not you.

     
    6.
    Member
    3,044 posts
    Sugar bee
    camrie    September 5, 2010   Louisville

    I'd show it to your FI and see what he thinks. Then let him decide if he needs to intervene. People will notice and talk but if it's not going to bother or embarrass him then I'd let it slide.

     
    7.
    Member
    78 posts
    Worker bee
    MindyLou    June 4, 2011   Florida

    I like the idea of adding a wrap or something for the pictures. Maybe you could even get her one as a gift that matches the dress and surprise her with your thoughtfulness.

     
    8.
    Member
    19 posts
    Newbee
    CAmrs    July 2, 2011  

    Great suggestions ladies! I’m thinking once she puts it on in front of me I can say nice/joking something about wearing a cute cammie/tank under the dress or ask if it comes with a jacket.  I’m going to show it to my FI also bc he knows how to approach her better than I do.

     
    9.
    Member
    2,409 posts
    Buzzing bee
    vintage2010    April 10, 2010  

    I wouldn't worry with it now.  She could honestly change her mind from now to then and why get everyone worked up now.  If she is still planning to wear the dress in 3-4 months prior to the wedding then deal with it.

     
    10.
    Member
    1,033 posts
    Bumble bee
    VagabondGurl    August 7, 2010   Wedding: NH; Living: CA

    I agree it's too soon to worry about it...  but I'm curious, did she ask your opinion about it?  My FMIL wanted to buy a purple dress she liked, but knew that my MOHs were wearing purple, so she called and asked if I minded if she wore the same color.  I didn't care and she bought it - but she did check with me first.  Before even shopping, she checked what style I would prefer and what my mothers were wearing.  Perhaps just open up that line of communication with her - and be honest, but kind.  Good luck.

     
    11.
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    Member
    636 posts
    Busy bee
    beatriz    August 2012  

    @CAmrs:

    Let the women dress as she pleases, you met her that way .  Just be happy on your day and if you are worried she will out shine you don't worry all eyes are on the bride on a wedding day.

    Not sure why you had to change your name on weddingbee

     
    12.
    Member
    19 posts
    Newbee
    CAmrs    July 2, 2011  

    She sent me a link and said "this is what i ordered."  I think I am worrying too much bc the dress might not even fit or be what she is looking for once it comes in.  I just didnt know if anyone else had been in the situation or knew the best way to handle it.

    @beatriz: its not so much out shining me but that its not an appropriate outfit for the event. I want people to remember the ceremony and the fun...not my FMIL's chest.  Also I changed my name bc my other name clearly identifies me and she gets on the bee from time to time.

     
    13.
    Member Icon
    Member
    636 posts
    Busy bee
    beatriz    August 2012  

    @CAmrs:

    Good move, I would definetely change my name as well especially if my future Inlaw reads the posts.

    Now I see your point, that her choice of dress is not appropriate for a wedding.  From your post I am assuming your family is a bit conservative.

    Let's just  cross our fingers that those jugs don't fit in the dress and that they constantly pop out when she tries it on so that she will mail order another not so flashy dress.   Laughing

     
    14.
    Member
    5,247 posts
    Bee Keeper
    cbee    July 26, 2010  

    I wouldn't let it go- quite honestly, that would really bother me, personally.  I would have FI talk to her about it, that she needs to wear something more appropriate.  Oh my goodness!

     
    15.
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    495 posts
    Helper bee
    MaggieGirl    October 16, 2010  

    Are you getting married in a church? Maybe you could lie and say there's some sort of unstated old school expectation of modesty in that particular church where it's tradition for the mother of the bride and mother of the groom to be very covered up. lol  Poor girl, I'm sorry you have to deal with this!  I know it's not nice, but I'd probably urge my fiance to talk his mother out of that dress if I really didn't think it was appropriate.  I'd put the responsibility on his shoulders. :)

     
    16.
    Member
    233 posts
    Helper bee
    Jennifer5642    December 11, 2010   Knoxville, TN

    Once we decided how formal our wedding would be, we used my mom as the guide. She chose a dress, and then we gave my FMIL a card with suggestions for dresses that would complement my mom's. We even provided her with some fabric swatches that would help guide her color decision. I know that many of you are probably thinking that it was presumptuous of us, but in reality, my FI felt that she would appreciate the help because she's not really fond of shopping. With something to go on, it would make her search a little more efficient. AND we helped ensure that both moms would look appropriate and dress with the same level of formality.

    Maybe something like that would help? If she doesn't seem receptive, then let it go. There's enough to worry about with a wedding coming up. :)

     

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