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OMG she's being a git!
HER most important day?? Is she serious? I've never heard of any culture where the MOG should be outshining the bride. I think that's BS.
I don't know what to do, as it seems she's hell bent on wearing this dress. Could your finace talk to her? Perhaps he might be able to knock some sense into her.
You said you're worried about marrying his family too, so I'm guessing there are other issues with his mother, or just this one? Calling off a wedding over a gown seems extreme, that's all.
Oh, and even if she DOES end up wearing her ballgown, believe me, 99% of your guests will be thinking 'WTF, look at that silly old tart' and will be looking at you instead. ♥
I say yes, she will look foolish. Or go over to her house, have her try it on, and throw wine on it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bcxHAMoFso
Sorry to hear she is being a pain :(
@BerryBerry: I totally second you! If she does end up wearing the dress it reflects badly on no one but her! I have half a mind to say--just let her wear it--she's the one who will be embarassed at the end of the day, not you, so is it really worth the fight?
wow, she will look very foolish as a 51-year old (No matter how slim she is) in a poofy prom gown that is strapless with jewels. Your FI needs to handle this and be firm with her. SHE SHOULD NOT WEAR THAT DRESS. FINAL.
I say give in, only because it is too much emotional energy to spend on it. Guests who try to outdress the bride look foolish-if she wants to look foolish as a parent of the groom, then let her. It sounds like it is cultural and she is sticking to it. So let her have it-she may regret it. In the meantime, you worry about your fabulous dress!
All I can say is pick and choose your battles. My mother's dress is very similar to what you described (and she is 52...) and while I could fight it I decided to just let it go and focus on things that I CAN control.
Best of luck to you!!!
OH and here is my mom's dress just to make you laugh:
Just let her wear it and move on. Don't stress yourself out - you can't control other people's actions, all you can do is control how you react to them.
she's going to look like an idiot and that won't reflect badly on you at all.
@Treejewel19: Is your mom still going with a bolero or shawl? I thought you had mentioned that in a previous post?
@GroovyHippieChick: Yes thank goodness. Although the one she purchased doesn't really provide as much *ahem* coverage as I had hoped. She is going to send me a photo of the dress and shawl together once it comes in (ordered from Etsy). We shall see.
My mother recently tried on a ballgown for my wedding and I almost had a heart attack. It looked like the negative of my dress. To wit:
Fortunately, my mom and I have a candor that allowed me to honestly tell her the dress was inappropriate and really not that pretty. It looked great on her, but I'm sorry, she's elegant and that is NOT.
Unfortunately for you, this is the MOG and it will be very hard to share your opinion without stepping on toes. Personally, I do NOT think it is worth it.
My mom is Russian and she DOES want to look better than any other guest there. It is the most wonderful day of her life to her too, so I understand your MOG's thinking. This isn't just any party. It's a life event party.
I think you should accesorize your mom with a fancy necklace she feels beautiful in. There are vintage ones on ebay that add beautiful sparkle and upgrade a look.
I think if your MOG hasn't gotten a dress yet, though, you should try and gently talk her out of the ballgown by suggesting an equally fancy but not ballgown shaped dress. She wants to go fancy, let her go fancy, but with taste.
Lastly, no one is going to outshine you. Trust me.
I don't know if it is even worth the fight because she seems pretty hell bent on waring it. Honestly IMO she will just be making a fool of her self. People aren't going to say it to her face, but there will def. be whispers about her dress- I can almost guarantee it. If anything have FI talk to her...again. If still nothing- jazz your mom up a little- great jewelry, hair, make-up, shoes. Simplicity will always outshine the gaudy or overdressed! And compared to your mom she will look even more ridiculous so overdressed.
I am also going through MOG hell. My FMIL threatened to not attend if we say she shouldn't wear her dress (Note: we never said she couldn't. Just the implication she shouldn't wear the dress and WWIII breaks out and the dress doesn't even fit her).
Here are suggestions, none of which are the high road. Tell her that she is making you and your husband sad. Tell her you don't want her matronly, you want her sleek and that, in your your culture, ball gowns are for brides (oops that is an appropriate response. Onto the ones you know you want to do). Get a bridesmaid to spill wine on her (two of my bridesmaids offered to on my FMIL).
The king of low ways to get her to not wear the dress: tell her it makes her look fat. Either the subtle, "I didn't want to say anything... but have you gained weight? The dress adds 8 lbs." or the, "Do you like it?" "You look fat. You want to go to the wedding looking like that? I thought you said weddings were important for the Mother of the Groom?"
Ohhh man!! I am so sorry. I have a FBIL gf that wanted to wear FIRST a satin mermaid (prom-y) or short satin blue dress with one shoulder when my dress was a mermaid satin dress(selling it now) and MOH was one shoulder satin in blue AND NOW a lace ivory dress and mine is white and lace... So I just am letting it go bc it is not worth the headache. I can only pray she does not show up in ivory and lace. I might have a heart attack. Mind you she keeps telling me she is after I said it is not appropriate to wear ivory... lace whatever but still. Telling me about a yr out obviously she has some kind of motive behind it. I am very sorry and feel your pain:(
**hugs**
I can't relate because my FMIL is awesome and we get along well, but I am so sorry you're going through this and I don't think you are being a zilla.
I would try to reason with FMIL once more. Be gentle, but firm. Maybe go to lunch (just the two of you) and take pictures of dresses you consider to be classy, age appropriate and sexy (to an extent). Explain clearly why her dress is not appropriate. Emphasize that she has an amazing figure and that you feel the dress she has chosen hides her figure rather than showing it off. Address the cultural difference by stating simply that we're not in Eastern Europe and the dress she has chosen, while appropriate in that culture, will have people talking about her here. Show her you are concerned because you don't want people to talk about her dress. Point out that you are totally willing to compromise and offer to go shopping with her. You might have to give a little on what you want but so will she.
On another note I'd also ask her not to call her son when she has a problem with me and point out that we are both adults who love the same man (for different reasons) but who should be able to agree to disagree. After all of that, I'd let it go and just know that no one will be focusing on her the day of the wedding. Good luck, I hope it gets better and just remember it will all work out. On your wedding day you won't care what she's wearing just that your FH is waiting for you.
I don't think you're being a bridezilla at all. I would have a fit if my FMIL was trying to pull this. I think it would be a bit more understandable if she were the MOB, because as much as it is FI and I's day I'd like to think it's my mom's day too and I want her to look the best she's ever looked. That said, I think that can be achieved without a ball gown. There are many beautiful dresses that will make her look elegant and not old. I think you should have your FI talk to her, maybe she will be more receptive and understanding if it comes from him. I think she's being very unreasonable and I'm sorry you have to deal with it.
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My mother is 70 and plus-size, the dress that she bought for the wedding is very elegant, it is very appropriate. It is black with a silver jacket (my wedding colors are black, silver and white) that makes her look slimmer than she actually is but it is semi-plain in comparison to the ballgown that my future mother-in-law would like to wear to the wedding. My fiance's mother is driving me nuts because she would like to wear a cupcake prom dress/ballgown that is actually a bit bigger at the bottom than my dress and has a large amount of jewels and gems on the top of the dress, not to mention it is strapless. The dress is the same exact cut as my dress! Including the sweetheart neckline and also the large bottom. I believe that she should look elegant and subdued to match my mother's dress but she feels that she will look matronly. I told her no and that she needs to match my mother a bit more and also that it is too over the top. She wants to dress very fancy but I believe that she is trying to purposely be the center of attention, therefore outshining my mother and worse I believe she is also trying to pull attention off of me and onto her. I know she wants to look good and she does look amazing for her age (51, slim, and beautiful) but I believe this is not the appropriate place to wear such a dress. I have talked to her several times and told her that I want her to look elegant and not overdressed but to no avail. I told her no strapless and nothing with too much beading or sequins because she will make my mom look under dressed and pull the attention away from me. She keeps talking to my fiance and raising a huge fit with him that I am trying to make her look old and that in her culture(eastern european) that this is the most wonderful day of her life and she should be dressed fancier than any other guest because everyone will think she is cheap otherwise! Am I being a bridezilla or do I have any merit? How should I approach the situation? I have honestly tried and told her how I feel but she is not listening. I just want to sit down and cry my eyes out. HELP