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Yes, she will be wearing ivory...but you know what! People will see her and think "What a crazy woman! She obviously has issues." After that, no one will pay attention to her.
Don't let her emotional hang ups ruin your day. She's the one that'll look crazy. If it bothers you too much have your FI talk to her gently.
Who does that? In my opinion, it's totally unacceptable. I don't care what the etiquette is - she shouldn't be wearing some slinky, off white number to your wedding. Is it too late to throw a fit and make her switch dresses?
I have actually been to a few weddings where the MOG and MOB wore off-white dresses - it was done on purpose. I get not loving the idea, but do you really want to make a big deal out of this? I don't really think it should be that big of a deal, no one will confuse her for you!
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I know its really old school to believe in the rule of not wearing white to a wedding but Im so sick and tired of the MOG trying to make it "all about her".
If this bothers you, don't "throw a fit"... maybe just say something to her.
If your FMIL is showing you her dress she probably wants some reaction/input about it, so just be reasonable with her and say you feel like it's pretty close to the color of your dress. But if she doesn't change it - or she can't return it - just drop it. Like Janna says, nobody will confuse the two of you.
Perhaps I got too liberal with my terminology. I take back the "throw a fit" part. Being reasonable with her is best...less drama.
But I still don't think MOG has any business wearing a dress like how you've described.
I agree that this is tacky. But, I think that your long-term happiness will probably be affected more by your relationship with your FMIL than what she wore to the wedding. So, it might not be worth getting too angry with her over. Maybe you could suggest a dark bolero and sash to go with the gown...
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It might go over better if your FI says something to her...
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I definitely would be furious if my mother or MOG wore anything white, off white, champagne, cream, ivory, mother of pearl, ecru, beige, or ANYTHING even close to any of those colors to my wedding. I don't think it's old school at all- it's just asking people to let you be the focus for ONE day.
One way to look at it is that she'll definitely be getting attention. BUT- you can know that the attention she'll be getting will be entirely negative.
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Oh, I'd be so mad. But V has a great point. I just saw a wedding photo where the bridesmaids picked their own gowns for a black tie affair and one of the girls wore white! I told my friend - "what's wrong with that girl, that's so rude!" and she said everyone at the wedding said the same thing. Clearly the bride let her wear it, but it definitely didn't get any added attention except disdain.
If it were me though, I'd probably be passive/agressive and say something like "wow! You chose Ivory?" and kind of look really puzzled about the whole thing in order to get across the message that it's not right. But it probably wouldn't work. Ah, the story of my life... ;)
Yyeeahhh.......I have the same thing going on. My MOG said one of her dress options is champagne and I thought....oh god no. My sister in law's MOG did this too and I thought it was sooooo tacky. But apparently people actually don't think this is a rule anymore....I don't know where they get their info from, but whatever. However, I outright REFUSE to be accused of being a bridezilla, so I'm just letting it go. I kinda hinted by asking how much different her dress will be from mine because mine is ivory to begin with, and i'm hoping she got the point. If she didn't though, oh well. If she wears something inappropriate, others will notice, and I won't have to.
my soon to be sister in law had this done to her by her MIL. I say done to her because her MIL got quite tipsy durring the rehersal and starting telling people how she wished it was her wedding again and wanted to wear ivory to feel like a bride again.. yeah...
I'm going to agree with V though, everyone, including people who had not heard of her rehersal shananagins, thought she was just nuts. Rules or no rules, I would be very upset if I were in your place. My FSIL never said a thing about it to her MIL, but was very upset as well. I would definately be speaking up. Have you said anything to her?
If it were me, I would convince my dude to play the unknowing groom. I'd ask him to be all like "That's a pretty dress, mom... but I thought people weren't supposed to wear white to weddings" At least put the idea in her head.
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All differing opinions of whether or not white or any deviated shade thereof aside is appropriate to wear to a wedding, I personally would not want my FMIL to be looked at by other guests as "nuts" or "crazy." Besides that, I wouldn't want that forever captured in my pictures! Even if you don't have a great relationship with her, she is the love of your life's mother and for that reason alone, I would not want her to look "silly" just because she doesn't get it. You want things to go off smoothly and if everyone is snickering about her and her outfit, I would feel very bad, especially if she notices and then feels awkward.
Now, yes, she may be doing this for attention and only you know if she would do that to you and your hubby-to-be. If that is the case, I agree that it would be best to have your fiance approach her as the "unknowing groom."
Good luck to you! 
Well, no one will be mistaking her for the bride, right? She's a generation older. I wouldn't sweat it - I've seen guests wear pure white dresses to weddings this summer. The color of the dress does not a bride make.
I think she's going to look foolish and you're right to be bothered by it. That said, I agree with everyone's advice to let it go in exchange for avoiding a lifetime of strife and grief between you and MIL.
I'm having a smilar issue with my FMIL and I decided I have enough to worry about to be concerned with what she's wearing....
My sister's MIL wore 'cream' to her wedding. You can see a picture here, and also I recommend reading the comments on the post. Someone brought up the color of her MIL's dress and my sisters response is great.
http://fiveblondes.com/wedding/the-long-awaited-wedding-post-part-5-formals/
i didn't even notice one of my guests showed up in a lacey white dress for my wedding until someone pointed it out in my pictures. Quite frankly it didn't bother me at all because everyone was there to celebrate OUR marriage. But if it does bother you that much, have your FI say something. I think it would come out less awkward if he did it rather than you.
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just give her a huge dark corsage...hehe, don't know why that cracks me up
Shh..whispering because I'm afraid a relative is going to find out my secret..
I went with my fmil to find the dress that she would wear to our wedding she insisted on purchasing it at a bridal salon. She kept commenting on how hot it was going to be in july and "a colored dress is going to just intensify the heat" I assumed I knew where this was going when watching her peruse cream colored dresses. So I said.."your son was mentioning to me how purple is his favorite color and how much he would love to see you in that color." Once I said that, all notions about a cream colored dress were dismissed. He couldn't have cared less about what color she wore, and his favorite color IS purple.. but it sure made things easier for me.
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July2008Bride thats a good one!
I too am sick of MOGs wearing cream color dresses. They KNOW that traditionally brides only wear white and any other color that comes close to it is a no. Sure for some people its not a big deal but those MOGs want the attention even if its bad attention. I would never allow my MIL to wear white. I would be so mad at her and so would my fiance.
um..yeah, that whole thing about the color "Mother-in-law-cream", I'm not buying it. It's tacky. Good Luck with your sticky situation.
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my first response was that i'd be just as furious and angry if my FMIL pulled a stunt like that. But then as I read some of these answers to your question, I realized that my anger about that probably stems to the deeper fear that my FI will always put his family/mother before me. I dont know if you relate to that at all, but i really agree with the poster who said that it's more important to realize that your relationship with your FMIL is more important than what she wears to your wedding....I agree that it's totally rude of her to do this. But think about what you'll remember from the day... do you want to remember being so upset about what she was wearing? If you can let go of this, perhaps it wont even be an issue.
I attended a wedding where the MOB wore (no lie) an ivory, floor-length, beaded gown. The beading was gold and silver, but still ... it could have been a wedding dress. And yes, many people commented on it, and not in a good way.
I'd echo the suggestion to let this one go ... it's not worth a knock-down drag-out fight with your FMIL, especially since she's only embarassing herself. But if you like your FMIL, even a little bit, having her son drop a gentle hint that perhaps this is not the most appropriate dress to wear might be the kindest thing to do. Your FMIL may like the idea of all the attention being on her, but she's not going to get it, and I doubt she wants the guests to be talking about how ridiculous she looked in her pseudo-bridal wear. (Maybe your FI could suggest buying a nice jacket of some kind in your wedding colors to wear over it?)
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MOG just showed me her dress today and its ivory only about 2 shades darker (slightly) than my wedding dress. It looks nothing like a MOG/MOB dress -- it looks like another wedding dress - like a slinky glam satin one.... She says its a "champagne" color but I say its a darker ivory... WTF?? Am I the only person who thinks this is beyond tacky??