Post # 1
My friend asked me to be her MOH in January for her wedding in October, and I am honored to do it. Since then, she found out she’s pregnant, and has stepped up the wedding to May. We knew it’d be a slight challenge as we live on opposite ends of the country (Boston & L.A.).
Before I booked flights for hubby and I for the wedding, I asked if she wanted shower. In previous conversations, she did not want one. She originally wanted to elope, but FH convinced her to have a small wedding with 50 people. So I booked my flights.
One of the other two BMs called me to say that they’ve talked to the bride and convinced her to have a shower, and wanted to know what weekend would work for me.
I’ve already spent $1,000 for flights to wedding, $300 dress, paying for hair & make-up, it would cost another $500 for a flight to go out for the shower in 4 weeks.
In addition to the money factor, I’d have to take time off from work two consecutive months. It’d be fine if the events were spread apart, but given the new accelerated dates, it’s going to be a challenge.
I have much more appreciation for the MOH/BM role after my own wedding last year, and I take the role seriously. Am I a bad friend if I don’t make it to the shower and just contribute monetarily?
Post # 3
My MOH did not go to my shower and I’m absolutely okay with that. Shower was in VA she lives in Seattle. I’m sure she would totally understand, at least I would.
Post # 4
I think most reasonable people would understand. It’s a lot of money and time. You’re doing the best you can. Just make sure she knows that you’re there in spirit!
Post # 5
I think the bride will understand if you can’t attend. If I were you I would still participate as much as possible in the planning process though. I bet there are plenty of things you can do from afar, such as manage the guest list, send the invitations, field guest phone calls, create fun party games etc. I bet the other bridesmaids would be very relieved to have your help, and it would be a thoughtful gesture to the bride as well.
Post # 6
I think the bride would understand. It’s a lot to expect someone to fly out twice in such a short period of time. I think it’s awesome of you to contribute monetarily and I agree with snmcdowell in that it would be a thoughtful gesture to help from afar.
Post # 7
i would maybe surprise her to let her know u wished you could have been there, like have some flowers delivered, send an email video message or something saying how you wished you could have been there, have a friend bring a gift from you, you know, show that you can still be apart of it from far away.