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Hi!
Ok, I really need some advice! I found out recently that my maid of honor (who is also my best friend) and our best man (her boyfriend and the fiancee's stepbrother/friend) are probably going to get engaged at our wedding!
I don't know where to start with this. I'm really unhappy about it because I feel like this is tacky and "stealing my thunder." I'm trying not to be a bridezilla about this, but I'm really bothered.
I want them to get engaged because they are perfect for each other and I know they love each other, but I don't want it to be on the day that I've been planning out to be perfect for over a year. Sigh.
Have you ever heard of something like this before? Am I wrong for being upset?
I would confront the best man directly and tell him exactly how you feel. If you cannot ... have your fiance do it.
Hmmm, I could see why you'd be upset...it is your special day, and that would totally take away from it! Personally, I know that if I were you, I would be upset...not because I wouldn't want my friends to get engaged, but because I am such an attention whore sometimes and I would hate the spotlight to be off of me on my one special day! This is a day about you and your FI, not about them! Sorry for being harsh, but I'd be perturbed...
I can see why you'd be upset , I also think it's a good idea to tell the best man your feelings. Politely let him know that you want your day , just a day! I don't think thats too much to ask for.
I kno I'm going to be in the minority here but I actually have secret dreams of my MOH getting engaged at our wedding, which could totally happen, she has a serious boyfriend and they probably will get engaged at some point in 2010....I get all happy whenever I picture it since I just think it would make my wedding that much more special and an even better day! But to plan it without asking first is kind of rude....
definitely definitely definitely say something to the best man. have your fiance do it though. maybe he could phrase it as "ive been there dude; it's a big deal and an awesome event, but it should be a special moment between the two of you, not a spectacle at IUBrides and my big day." maybe make him realize a) not appropriate to steal your thunder and b) itll be more special if he waits for another time. if they are good friends they will totally understand, especially since you've already said how perfect they are for each other and how truly happy you'll be when they do get engaged!
I personally would LOVE my bff and son's godmother to get engaged at my wedding. I'd love that. She's a wodnerful person and she's been dating this great guy for five years now and imho it's about time. I am seriously considering pelting her with the bouquet and staging it so she and only she can get it.
I would be the happiest girl ever to have my guy become my husband and on that same day share the love of a forever love with my bff and her guy too!
NOBODY can steal the thunder of a bride and groom at all. That day is YOURS! Nobody can. How about having it happen right before you two leave at the end? That way it's a super romantic ending to a perfect wedding and definitely on a high note?
just remember, he wants it to be a day (the best man) that his honey and her bff will remember forever.
Think about 10 years in the future and how special it will be when your kids are running around and you and your best friends are all together at an ourdoor bbq. You will both recount with fondness that wonderful and unforgettable wedding you had, and how beautiful you were and how great it was, and how her honey at the end of everything, asked for her hand in marriage. Aw. It sounds so sweet to me!
Nuh uh. I would bring it up with him. Hopefully he will understand. I'm not a bridezilla, but I would probably turn into one if that happened at my wedding.
I agree with you... as much as I love my MOH (who is my sister) I would kill her boyfriend if he proposed at the wedding!! That's just... everyone gets their day, and they should respect how you feel--so you should definitely make your feelings known!
That said, bellenga's side is also very lovely. I just... personally, I know I could not do that to someone else because I don't want to steal anyone else's thunder on their wedding day. Good luck!!! I hope speaking to him goes well.
I also think its sort of tacky... why couldn't he do it later that night, when the reception is over?? I would just talk to him about it...im sure he would understand..
If it would really upset you, then you should definitely ask your fiance to say something. You deserve to be 100% happy with everything that happens that day!
It would be completely tacky. A proposal happening at my wedding would be my worst nightmare, honestly! Tell the BM how you feel.
TACKY TACKY TACKY.
Surely, your FI can convince his best man to propose either a) in a public location where THEIR family/friends will be there (not yours...shoot, your momma don't care if they get engaged!) or b) something PRIVATE.
Make sure your FI tells them that this is inappropriate and will be viewed poorly by the rest of your guests. I mean, it's not going to be stealing your thunder because everyone will think it's such a hoosier thing to do.
Shoot, give me his phone number, I'll call him myself. You just don't do that. YOUR wedding has nothing to do with them. You're not being bridezilla, they're being space invaders. You don't walk in on them and go "oo me too!" in regards to anything else now, do you?
Take solace in that if it happens, it's in poor taste and reflects oh so badly on them.
i agree, ask your fiance to talk to his best man/step-brother, i am sure that he would understand how you feel. I am sure if it's your best friends they would totally understand and not want to do anything to take away from you & your fiance's day. maybe you could help him plan something, like make sure that she catches the boquet and then later that night (back in the privacy of their hotel room) or the next morning he could pop the question.
I agree that it is tacky, and would hate for this to happen at my wedding! Isn't there a more romantic place to get married, anyway? My engagement wasn't necessarily in private, but I would've been horrified if he "stopped" a wedding to propose! Maybe you or your FH could suggest a better way to propose?
Thanks Bees! I'm going to have the fiance talk to him (if I can get him to). If he won't, I'll just do it. Funny how things start to melt down in the few weeks before a wedding. As this discussion was going on, the MOH in question called and dropped another bomb on me...she has decided she doesn't like her dress (that she has had for 7 months). Suddenly it doesn't fit anymore so she has ordered herslef a DIFFERENT one. Sigh. Trying not to lose it.
As much as I would lovelovelove for my MOH to get engaged ASAP (she's 6 mo's pregnant), I would still feel a bit weird if her boyfriend proposed AT the wedding- not because she would "steal my thunder" or anything, I just think it would be a totally inappropriate place to do it. I think our families would be totally miffed as well, and I think she would be royally pissed. They're spending a few days at the Grand Canyon after the wedding... I sooooo hope he does it then!
Whyyyy do people continue to insist on doing this? I would talk to your fiance and get him to talk to his best man. Have him come at it from a different angle - why would he want to propose to her on a day everyone will remember as being all about you!?
You totally have the right to be a lil peeved about this! Yes, it's a day of love, and why not continue the love, but the day is about YOU and YOUR FIANCE. I have a feeling your best friend would be a little upset too if he did it then. I'd feel awful if my fiance would have proposed at my friend's wedding, embarrassing!!!
Sounds very tacky! I say talk to him yourself and let them you know that you're not comfortable with it.
I would feel the same way! One does not have to be a bridezilla to understand that you don't propose at someone's wedding. I'm actually really appauled at why he/they think this is ok to do on YOUR special day. I would definitely have FI bring it up to the best man. Hope everything works out and they find a better--more appropriate time to do this than at your wedding.
I think it's a matter of personal preference, and if it bothers you, I think you're perfectly justified in talking to the best man (or having your FH do it) and asking if they would switch the date. Good luck and keep us posted!
Definitely have your man talk to the best man. Maybe he's really clueless and doesn't realize he'll be stealing your thunder. You are not a bridezilla. Put an end to this silliness.
I agree with the girls saying confront the best man.
It IS you day and as the best man, a close friend (brother!) to both of you he should respect your wishes and give his bride her OWN special day!
As the bride you have all right to be annoyed/upset/angry. The best man should have asked you and your fiance if this was okay. I'd explain how you feel to him & see if he will wait till another day.
My best friend got married last month (she help design my engagement ring) and offered up her wedding as a time for my bf (now fiance) to propose. (right after she took me out with her bouquet) Even though she offered, I'm glad he didn't take her up on it. I would have felt like I was intruding on her day and I like having my own special day.
I can see how some brides might not think it's a big deal, but I'm pretty sure I'd feel more the way you do. And regardless of how I'd feel, I think it's completely reasonable to not want members of your bridal party to make major announcements at your wedding reception! I'm actually really confused about how he's planning to do this. Is he going to ask her in front of everyone? If I were her I'd be mortified in that situation. Or will he pull her off to the corner and ask her? That seems like a let down. I'm just fairly confused.
I agree with all PP that this is something to address with the guy...possibly have your FI do it.
Definitely have FH talk to him - not only because it makes you uncomfortable, but also thinking of your MOH. She should have a proposal/engagement that is her day, not necessarily a day when all the attention will be on you/FH. However perfect they are for each other, they should find a time that works for them. Sheesh.
Ya know, initially I thought-BLEH LAME OF THEM! But, the more I think about it, the more it seems like it might actually have perks for you-for instance, every single time someone asks how he proposed-they have ZERO choice but to reference your wedding and what a beautiful day it was. SO basically, they'll be keeping your wedding the talk of the town for the rest of their lives too. :))))
ACk. I would have totally hated being proposed too at someone else's wedding. I'd come at it from that viewpoint.
While yes, it's nice and flattering that your best man would like to propose at your wedding, it's not appropriate in my opinion. Your wedding day should be about you and your fiance, and while I'm sure you're happy for your friends, your wedding reception is NOT the place for a proposal. Make a bet that your MOH wouldn't want that to happen at her wedding!
Yeah I'm thinking this whole thing needs to be nipped in the bud. If I was at a wedding where someone proposed to someone, I would DEFINITELY be whispering about it with friends like OMG HE DID NOT JUST DO THAT. Not that my FI would ever do it AT a wedding, but he had been planning to pop the question in the hotel room when we were road tripping out to my friend's wedding in Ohio and decided against it because he knew I would be mortified even announcing our engagement at the wedding. If he proposed at the wedding - jeez! Much as I love him I might have even said no just because I would have been so pissed and embarassed!
I'd say it would be a good idea to mention your discomfort to the BM about the situation. You get one day... and he's kind of horning in on it! I have to disagree with Bellenga on this one, especially if you have friends/family in common with the couple. Once the wedding ceremony and spotlight stuff is done, an emotional proposal and a new sparkly ring CAN take the attention off the bride and groom. And it probably would.
I'd just let the BM know that you'd heard rumors about that plan, and see how he responds. If he says that's what he was doing, let him know that while you're flattered, you're really not comfortable with the plan, and you'd like MOH and him to have their own day for it.
I would be upset as well. Can you or your FI talk to the Best Man and explain how you feel? Perhaps knowing you would be upset with this, he will pick a more appropriate time to propose. I think you have every right to be bothered by this - is yours and your FI's day and they could and should wait another day!
I would feel the same way you do. Maybe you can talk to the best man or have your fiance talk to the best man. I wouldn't want to be proposed to at someones wedding, it just doesn't seem right.
Hmm. I'm not sure how I personally would feel about this. I think that if they got engaged at my wedding, I wouldn't be as mad as if they announced it at my wedding. Then again, that is me, and if this bugs YOU then I think that your fiance or you should talk to the best man and let him know that this would hurt you.
I absolutely agree with this post...no one can steal a bride's thunder. To me it makes for wondeful stories in the future.....
bellenga (message) <span class="numpostsandtitle"> Next Summer..2010! Can't wait! North of Atlanta, Georgia
I personally would LOVE my bff and son's godmother to get engaged at my wedding. I'd love that. She's a wodnerful person and she's been dating this great guy for five years now and imho it's about time. I am seriously considering pelting her with the bouquet and staging it so she and only she can get it.
I would be the happiest girl ever to have my guy become my husband and on that same day share the love of a forever love with my bff and her guy too!
NOBODY can steal the thunder of a bride and groom at all. That day is YOURS! Nobody can. How about having it happen right before you two leave at the end? That way it's a super romantic ending to a perfect wedding and definitely on a high note?
just remember, he wants it to be a day (the best man) that his honey and her bff will remember forever.
Think about 10 years in the future and how special it will be when your kids are running around and you and your best friends are all together at an ourdoor bbq. You will both recount with fondness that wonderful and unforgettable wedding you had, and how beautiful you were and how great it was, and how her honey at the end of everything, asked for her hand in marriage. Aw. It sounds so sweet to me!
Now that you mention this I wonder if my sister's bf would plan something like this at our wedding...I would hope not! lol! They've only been together probably for a yr but i saw pics on her facebook where they were at a wedding and she caught the bouquet and he caught the garder and he put it on her!! I wouldnt like this and if you dont def bring it up.
And can you imagine how the MOH would feel???? If my FI would've proposed to me at someone else's wedding, OMG. I would be embarassed, horrified....and a million other things I can't think of words for right now!
I was hoping that my SILs boyfriend would propose at our wedding or rehearsal. I know they are so close, and I wished it was at our wedding.
Still, if you don't want it, at least best man should be responsive to fiance's request. If not, that is really selfish!
Best of luck!
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