Post # 1
Ok so to avoid my friends fighting over who gets to be the Maid/Matron of Honor, I just decided my sister is overall the best choice to be it. AND, I am having trouble selecting my bridesmaids. My wedding isnt for another year and few months, so things can change from now till then. There are a select few that I am for sure going to ask because we have been best friends since we were children, however, there are some recent friends that consider me their best friend, and are already telling me “OMG i cant wait to be a bridesmaid in your wedding!!” I now feel obligated to ask them. But is there anyway for me to get out of it, without losing a friend??
Post # 3
wow you are in a tight spot, what are some of the reason why they cant be apart of it?? if they buy their own dress and such will that be ok? or you can just say something like “i know you want to be apart of my wedding and im happy for that but my bridesmaid have already been chosen”. I know it sounds harsh but you have to do what you have to do. If you have not formally asked them to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man then they are not a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 4
@Trish2008: Well, one of the biggest reasons is I feel like my bridesmaids have to earn their spot. If that makes any sense at all. This particular friend is “new” and well, only seems to come around on the weekends. A month after knowing her, she considered me as her bestfriend. Don’t get me wrong, shes a great person to be around, but I just don’t feel that she has earned a bridesmaid spot. Keep in mind my current bridesmaids are all close friends i have had since i was a child. And who knows, maybe a year from now me and my this particular friend will be distant. That is something to consider too right?
Post # 5
your friend was so out of line. Why would anyone assume they are a BM!? I wouldn’t say anything until I have finalized my BMs and they have said yes, unless she brings it up again and then you should say that you’re still trying to figure it all but that you have friends that you have known for much longer.
I wouldn’t worry too much about her feelings becasue she’s putting you in a very awk position adn obviously not caring about your feelings.
Post # 6
Nobody should ever assume she would be a bridesmaid. You can always say you wanted to keep it at a certain number & it’s only obvious that you’d pick girls who you were friends with longer.
Post # 7
‘oh i’m not making any bridal party decisions for months – i might just have a maid of honour – who knows?’
say it nicely with a smile but it lets them know that a) the decision won’t be made for a while and b) they might not be in it.
i would caution against putting someone in because you feel bad – the bigger the party it seems the more issues arise.
Post # 8
She said that shes always wanted to be a bridesmaid in one of her friends wedding, and I guess she saw her perfect oppurtunity; mine! And I think whatever I tell her the reason being she cant be a bridesmaid, she won’t take lightly to it. But one thing is for sure, I dont want to look back at my wedding years from now and have regrets! I already have the desired amount of bridemaids, and i agree. Higher the number, more likely there will be more issues! 🙁
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
I really think you should just wait before even choosing the whole Bridesmaid or Best Man thing. As sure as you can be that you know who you want as BMs now, life happens. Long time friends can get jealous (happened to me), pregnant, fall in love and move somewhere, financially unable to do it etc etc. The ones you didnt expect to step up actually do and then theres talks of “replacing” bridesmaids
Id just enjoy the initial planning stages
Post # 10
@jazzdhuereca: Exactly. You don’t want any regrets!
Post # 11
@leecy87: Great advice! I hadn’t thought about the whole pregnant thing, which is highly possible!! and yea, i havent asked anybody just yet, I mean I’ve brought it up, but nothing is set in stone. But I’ll definitely keep all of the above in mind! Thanks:)
Post # 12
@peonyinlove: Yes, go this route
Post # 13
Im kind of in the same boat. When I told my FI’s cousin we were engaged, she said great! “I already know I’m in the wedding! ” So… I was like ummmm…. I haven’t decided yet. So if she asks me agian.I will let her know were are over the limit for bm. I think she will understand. I just hate it when people assume that they are in something and you haven’t even asked. It put us in an ackward postion. But you have to tell them in a nice way
Post # 14
can you say that you are going to have an X number of bridesmaids and your childhood friends have expressed their interests of becoming one. Stress the X number to her but of course in a nice way 🙂