Post # 1
Ignoring what I deem to be my own personal title of thread killer I need to ask
My MOH is really the baby momma of my brother but I claim her as my sister and normally to avoid public confusion I refer to her as my SIL. It’s just easier when people know I have a brother (cut ties – long drawn out addiction story along with some overlapping with FI’s family that we found out about after I was in love with FI)
MOH got in touch with me today – she’s very stressed and worried about being a PROPER MOH. She is “reading” (don’t know where) that she should be gifting us/me specific things – toasting glasses (already obtained) and knife set (obtained 2 at fabulous prices). She’s the best – but has been struggling SO hard to make good changes for herself and my niece.
So.. is it true? does she really have a spelled out gift she’s “supposed” to give? I don’t know if this should be under gifts or what.. help bees!?
I suggested an Established wooden sign I found on etsy that would mean the world to my FI and I — her approval and love and support about our relationship means far more than a dollar can show – or a traditional gift that if she had found on her own she wouldn’t have gotten the deals I found (beautiful sets and each knife set $10, and toasting glasses for like $15) and have spent needlessly on something insignificant (in my opinion).
HELLLLLP I don’t want to hurt her or have someone say she wasn’t a “good” MOH.
Post # 3
No, theres is no traditional gift she has to give! Just something from the heart!
Post # 4
@MsDontRushME: I did not know, nor do I think it makes sense, that a MOH (or anyone for that matter) has a specific pre-set gift to be given that is written in stone. Who comes up with this sh:t? Tell her to relax & just be your friend.
Also, now that I look back at your threads I see what you mean with ‘thread killer’. Strange.
Post # 5
I have NO expectations of my MOH buying me any sort of obligatory gift. I did not do those things for weddings in which I was the MOH and didn’t even know it was a thing. I did the planning of the showers and bachelorettes, bought a gift for the shower and for the wedding (cash) that was it! Your MOH doesn’t have to do anything just because the internet says so. You and she need to sit down and talk about what’s expected of each other and go from there!
Post # 6
@MsDontRushME: No there is no gift that MOH’s are supposed to give. 🙂
Post # 7
@MsDontRushME: Uh, I have NEVER heard of the MOH gifting those specific things, or things in general. Typically, the MOH organizes the shower and bachelorette, gives a speech, and helps you with anything you need. But those are all optional. All she really has to do to be a good MOH, is show up clean, sober, in the right dress, hold your boquet, smile during pictures, sign your marriage license, and, in general, just be a loving and supportive friend.
Beware of the Wedding Industry. They will tell you that you need all these things and your MOH and BMs should do all these other things, and the parents need to do x,y, and z too. But the Wedding Industry doesn’t give a flying fuck about your or your family or your friends and all of your relationships or your budget or your sanity. It just wants your monies.
Post # 8
I just read your other threads, lol. I don’t think many people go on the Food/Cooking board, and the other one was specific to 11/2013 brides but didn’t say so in the title so I think people just read it, thought, oh I’m not 11/13 and clicked away. 😉
Post # 9
@MsDontRushME: My MOH didn’t give me anything (as she shouldn’t)–she bought her BM dress and made my life easier! She harassed the DOC when we got to the Church and the pew bows weren’t up, she fielded my Mom (who was trying to get my friends to leave at 10pm the night before the wedding). She was THE best MOH!
Post # 10
I’ve never heard of a specific/obligatory gift the MOH has to give. I’d just tell her to get what she chooses for you if she wants to get you something.
Post # 11
She is not obligated to do anything but get the dress and show up on the day sober to stand up with you. Tell her not to stress. Anything else is completely her choice. I don’t know who writes all that crap about the ‘job’ of MOH or bridesmaid. Sheesh.
Post # 12
@RunsWithBears: THAT is the most perfect thing I can ever have stated (words matter to me) — do you mind if I share your EXACT WORDS with her? She’s very stressed & it breaks my heart ~ I am so over this entire thing called wedding its stupid!
@megz06, awesome blossom! thanks!
@jny1179 your wedding date is my granny’s bday and also her anniversary date — I hope you have as much love and happiness in marriage as she did! Your answer was awesome and what I needed to hear!
@Mimoza – If you ever find out who :they: are that says what we’re supposed to do, let me know and I’ll bake a batch of poison cookies, pdq. As far as threads.. ahh . . . I suppose I lack the bee gene or whatevs… typically lurking is ok with me, but I needed some input today — thank you for your kindness in answering!
thank you bees! I will have a good talk with my very stressed moh and hopefully she’ll feel better when I tell her some professionals disagreed with her research!
Post # 13
@MsDontRushME: No. I’ve never heard of a list of gifts certain people are supposed to give you. It sounds like she’s really trying to be a good MOH, but maybe is stressing herself out more than necessary. I think the “typical” MOH duties are to throw a bachelorette party, bridal shower, that type of stuff? It totally depends on the bride and the couple and what you want.
I had a bachelorette party, which all of my BMs planned (after asking me what type of stuff I wanted to do) and no bridal shower. My MOH used to be a florist and offered to do the flowers. She didn’t buy me a gift, which is totally fine with me. Some of our wedding party got us gifts, others didn’t. I don’t really care. I was just happy to have my favorite people around me on my wedding day.
Post # 14
@MsDontRushME: haha I’d tell her to quit reading whatever bogus junk she’s reading and just be there for you! No stress (or weird special pre-set gifts) required 🙂
Post # 15
@MsDontRushME: No, etiquette does not demand anything of a MOH other than that she show uo on time for the ceremony.
Post # 16