- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
So heres the deal….My Maid/Matron of Honor and I have been best friends for about 6-7 years or so (from college). My FH and I have been together about 5 years. Him and I have had our ups and downs and have dealt with death, drama, illness and crazy family crap. We have had our moments where we didnt think we would make it through, but we did. We even called off our engagement, went to counseling, worked on some issues and decided to go through with the wedding afterall. Well my Maid/Matron of Honor has never been in a relationship. She was briefly in college with a guy who was rotten and has a lot of issues from being in the military (No to be insensitive, war made him really mean and vioelent and had addictions). She has tried to date guys, throws herself at them, is clingy and then wonders why she cant find anyone. She is famous for going to bars and end the night by making out with guys she just met.
I always got the vibe that she was jealous or just wanted me to be single bc she is. She claims that she in “genuinly concerned” for me but I dont get it. You can still be concerned and still stand up in my wedding. I asked her if she would still be a maid and she said that she didnt want to be in the wedding at all. Mind you, we ordered the girls dresses MONTHS ago and now with less than 3 months until the wedding, its too late to replace her and buy a new dress for the girl who stands in her spot. The dress store said production on that dress is running behind so there is no way I can have another dress ordered if I had someone else in the wedding. So now, not only is my “best friend” telling me she doesnt like my FH, telling me she doesnt support my marriage but..I am also feeling disrespected because she knows that I cant replace her now bc of the production time of the dresses so now I’ll have 4 girls and 5 guys.
Plus I’m upset bc I imagined us getting ready together, all the pics of us, etc and now she wont be part of any of it. I get it that she is concerned and that she apparently doesnt like my FH (who by the way has never once said a rude thing to her and he actually always liked her and encouraged me to do stuff with her all the time bc he liked her and knew she was my close friend) BUT…who is she friends with me or him? She is supposed to support me. AND..even if she doesnt agree with my marriage or support my marriage, beyond that…at the very least, she should support my choice bc she wants me to be happy and she should trust that I am doing what I truly want. If rolls were reversed, I would still stand by her out of respect for HER and the choices she makes as an adult, even if I dont agree with it, I wouldnt throw our friendship away bc I disagree. When she runs out making out with guys all the time, I tell her she shouldnt do that but I dont not go out with her bc I dont support it.
I dont know, I feel very hurt and disrespected. I am so annoyed that she would leave me hanging with uneven sides…that she would buy a $200 dress and then decide to just not go through with being in it. She shouldve said something a long time ago..not less than THREE months before the wedding!
I am simply saying that you dont just out your friends bc you dont agree with them. If they were your true friend, they would support you as someone who loves you and respects your choices even if they are different than what they choose for you. UGH.
*Disclaimer- No, my FH does not have drug addictions, doesnt beat me…nothing like that. We just fell into some hard times and had to work through them. Neither of us are perfect and I am not claiming perfection, I get that I have bad mouthed him to her and I now know that that was wrong of me but regardless, if your going to be my friend, you have to be able to deal with my husband bc he comes first.